Reckless Abandonment
by Nesma
Summary: People like to believe that the love story of Lily and James was a pure one. Everyone knew how the tale was spun and it was told so many times that even the ones involved forgot the secrets that were buried within the tale. They forgot about the other boyfriend and the threats aimed at Lily and the problems within James' life. People remembered the love but forgot the story. (Jily)
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Reckless Abandonment  
><strong>Author: <strong>Nesma  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>Not Mine.  
><strong>AN: **I deleted Perfect Consequences and I'm reposting the chapters under this new title. Also, chapters have been edited. It's less dramatic than before but... it's still mine and I still want to post it since it's been on my computer forever. I feel like I owe it to the younger version of myself to post it. Even if it is something I wouldn't write now. I'll edit it and finish it within a respectable time frame but... for now, here you go. Enjoy.

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><p>People like to believe that the love story of Lily and James was a pure one. Everyone knew how the tale was spun and it was told so many times that even the ones involved forgot the secrets that were buried within the tale.<p>

Alice and Frank had a love story to be admired. Alice and Frank were friends for what felt like forever until one day, they were spotted holding hands and exchanging small smiles. They started going out sixth year, or maybe fifth, it was hard to tell since they always seemed like a couple, even before they were officially one. That was a love story that the girls in Hogwarts used to sigh about. Including Lily.

Lily thought she found her love story until she stumbled on, what she assumed at the time, was a plot twist. One that involved hazel eyes and late night walks around the castle. One that involved fights and heartbreaks. Lily thought that this bump in her planned life, that it was a test.

She failed to realize that it was the beginning of her _real _love story. The only tragedy of the story was that it took her so long to realize.

* * *

><p>Her parents were always delighted that she was a witch. They loved it that they had a daughter that could do <em>anything.<em> Literally, anything she wanted with a swish of her wand. Weather it was stream of brightly red and gold fireworks to a funny jinx that would always make them double over in laughter.

Though, there were times where a sigh of relief seemed to escape their lips when something normal occurred in her life. Like something that they could relate to. For example, the day she started dating Steven Fiend, a _muggle _from a prominent family in the neighborhood.

Steven was the perfect gentleman. The first date he had with Lily, he knocked on the door and introduced himself to her parents. Then, on their third or fourth date (Lily could never remember numbers correctly in her head), he brought a bouquet of flowers, not for Lily, but for her mother. You can imagine the amount of points he scored with that simple act.

Steven Fiend, oblivious to the talents that Lily had, thought she was a pretty red head girl who disappeared to boarding school up north every year. Other than that, the only fact he knew was that he was madly in love with her. And he had a sneaking suspicion that Lily returned the feeling.

* * *

><p>While her parents were in love with Steven Fiend, among her friends he was more of an outsider. Though he was friends with some of her friends' boyfriends, he was often seen as a nuisance. He chattered till someone's ears fell off or until someone was able to navigate the conversation in a different direction. He was also pompous and snobbish with people who were not in the same honors courses that Steven was in school. He felt the need to display his wealth and talk about all the talents he possessed.<p>

Of course, these were things that Lily _heard_, not necessarily _believed_. But going up against these established beliefs about Steven made it that much harder for Lily to break the news to her friends. So Lily waited for the most opportune moment to tell them the news and to tell the truths about her late night dates.

That day, was today. The three of them were near the pool side. The sun was beaming down on them as they observed the busy summer life behind their sunglasses.

"_Steven?_"

"Steven _Fiend?!_"

"You can't be serious Lily, I mean… its Steven!"

Lily rolled her eyes at her friends while she lathered some sunscreen on to her pale freckled skin. "Yes, _Steven_, he asked me out… and I said yes!" She said, with a smile lingering on her lips.

One of the girls, Julie, laughed as stole the bottle of sunscreen from Lily and started to pile some of the lotion on her legs. Lily rolled her eyes at her friend putting on the sunscreen. While Lily's pale complexion required that she applied lotion every hour, Julie was one of those fortunate girls who just tanned. With her long, straight brunette hair and her hazel eyes, Julie was easily a beauty. Though she could steal any boys heart, she was pretty damn loyal to her boyfriend Mark at the moment; a boy who happened to be Steven's best friend.

"Still though, you'd think with all of the perfect boarding school guys up there that you'd find some bloke. But no! You had to come home and steal the _one _and _only_ cute guy from my street!" Julie said in a joking manner as she continued to vigorously spread the lotion on to her legs. Lily just rolled her eyes and sighed as Julie wiggled about on her pool chair. Though she had the beauty, she lacked any sort of grace or coordination; which meant there was always lots of movement and accidents with Julie.

Next to Julie lay Michelle Brawn. Frighteningly skinny with her blue eyes that seemed slightly too large while freckles on created a constellation along her cheek bones. Her wavy blonde hung to her shoulders as she slapped Julie lightly on the leg, her chapped pink lips turned into a slight frown.

"Oy! How do you think Mark would feel if you were calling Steven the 'only cute guy on my street!'" Michelle stated as she retreated to her pool chair, taking the sunscreen bottle with her.

Julie just gave a small little smile as she fidgeted with the bowties on her bikini bottoms with her fingers, the nails had flecks of pale blue on them. "Mark doesn't need to know everything. Besides, Mark doesn't live on my street… and I wouldn't dream of going out with Steven, he's so… arrogant. He's nothing compared to Mark." She raised her arms and put her hands behind her head while crisscrossing her leg for the billionth time.

Lily let out a huff of annoyance. Memories of more arrogant boys filled her head,

A boy with a hearty laugh and a deep voice. A boy with a snitch and messy black hair filled her vision. Turning on her stomach with much more vigor then she intended, she snapped at her friends. "Arrogant? You should meet Potter…" She spat out as her friends continue to steal sun lotion.

At once, Julie started pulling at the bun in her hair while Michelle let out a noise of disgust. They had hear about James Potter in great depth. They had heard of his name calling and the bullying of Severus Snape (though they found the pranks they pulled on Snape hilarious, they would never let Lily know). They had heard far too much of Jams Potter; Lily dating Steven Fiend hinted that the Potter ranting days would be over. Or so they thought.

"Oh no, Lily, I'm sick and tired of hearing Potter stories. I get it, he's a 'bullying toe rag' . But honestly, Steven is a _tad_ bit egocentric. Not as much as this Potter bloke you keep talking about. But whenever Steven is around you…" Julie trailed off as her and Michelle snorted into their hands while Lily looked at them in dismay.

While Lily was aware of the reputation that Steven held with her friends here, she never expected it to be such an upward battle. Though she was used to the questioning looks and intrusive questions from strangers and friends regarding her choice of company - Severus had prepared her well for this – she never expected it to be this hard.

"Don't be too harsh on him, besides he's a good catch…" Lily finished off, as she placed her sunglasses on her freckled nose and leaned back on the pool chair. Not wanting to look at the confused glances of her friends or their shrug of shoulders.

"A good catch? Of course he is! He's smart, funny, good looking, and athletic…" Julie said, her voice was a pitch too enthusiastic and she was rushing through the list before Michelle cut her off.

"Eh, he's a little skinny and scrawny – but he is a really good guy. You did good Lily" Michelle teased Lily as she gave her friend a side long glance and a smile before turning onto her stomach. Letting her bleached blonde hair fall over the pool chair, while the remaining strands were left out like a fan.

With the sun shining brightly upon the three sixteen year olds, the splashing and laughing of the kids surrounding them. Lily couldn't help it but feel perfectly content with her life.

* * *

><p>Though Mr. and Mrs. Evans were head over heels in love with Steven Fiend; Petunia was less than impressed. He showed off far too much for her liking – couldn't he be normal and not bring attention to himself every few minutes? While Petunia was particular about 'being normal', she truly didn't like brag about herself. She could find many adjectives and sentences to boast about Vernon's talents or even about Lily's ambitions. But about herself? She was very humble.<p>

When she graduated with honors from her typing school, she told no one except her parents and her best friend Yvonne, When she obtained a job at the prestigious drilling company in town, people only discovered where she worked from her parents. When she started dating Vernon, she was discreet about their lives. They indulged in PDA every so often but she didn't like to shove her life down other people's throats like Steven did.

And then, there was that slight disappointment that her baby sister – who could have dated a fabulous young wizard – settled for ordinary. Perhaps this was the biggest reason she was against Steven, Lily could be dating someone who matched her in her magical abilities, hell she could probably learn a thing or two from them! But instead, Lily was settling for a muggle boy who would never understand or appreciate the magic that ran through Lily's veins.

Petunia had a sinking feeling that this relationship would drag Lily from her wizarding life into the muggle world. While she may be jealous of her sister, she would never forgive her for giving up the world.

* * *

><p>On a dull Monday morning when the heat was sneaking into the house through every crack and opening, Petunia was sitting serenely at the small kitchen table with a steaming cup of tea. Her toast was resting in her left hand as her eyes skimmed over the major headlines of the morning, she could feel the beads of sweat fall down the back of her neck. Though the Muggle newspaper was propped up to make it easier to read, her copy of <em>The Daily Prophet <em>was discreetly hidden underneath. Lily wasn't aware, and would never know the extent that her sister read the paper. Lily Evans would never know that her sister read _The Daily Prophet _everyday till November 1st, 1981.

In the mist of the heat, the toast, and the news, the tattered white phone rang shrilly in the kitchen; disturbing the peace that Petunia was enjoying. Dropping her toast to her plate and abandoning her news, Petunia rushed to the phone and picked up the receiver with an animosity that should truly be reserved towards living beings.

"Hello?" Petunia talked into the phone, leaning up against the kitchen counter, her barefooted foot was propped against the wooden cabinets below.

"Good Morning, this is Steven Fiend calling for Lily, is she home right now?" The confident voice flitted through the speakers. Petunia rolled her eyes and gritted her teeth. What an _arse. _Seriously, what did her sister see in this guy?

Not even bothering of giving Steven a reply, she merely placed the phone to her chest as she yelled, "LILY!" at the top of her lungs, pausing momentarily before adding, "ITS STEVEN! PICK UP THE PHONE!" She heard a dropping of a book and padded footsteps form upstairs, bringing the telephone to her ear and waited for the familiar click and the breathy 'Hello' from her sister before slamming the phone down.

* * *

><p>"Lily!" Shrieked Petunia, "Its Steven! Pick up the PHONE!"<p>

Lily hastily dropped the book she was reading and rushed out of her room and grabbed the phone from the hallway, "Hello?" A muffled click was heard as Petunia slammed the phone down. Merlin, her sister had anger problems.

"Lily! Hey! I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time…"

Wondering back in to her room, Lily quickly shoved the _Hogwarts: A History_ under her bed. She even took quick glances around her disorganized room as if Steven could see it through the telephone.

"No! Not at all! I was doing some light reading, what have you been up to?" She asked, as she lowered herself in a cross legged position on her bed.

"Well, then, do you want to meet in the park in fifteen minutes or so? I'd love to spend the day with the prettiest girl in town" He whispered into the phone.

A blush sprung up on Lily's face, grinning into the phone she eagerly agreed to see him in a few minutes. As soon as she hung up, she looked up to see her older sister, Petunia sister leaning against her door frame. She held a smirk on her face and her nose was held up high.

"Does he know you're a freak? Or have you been giving him some love potion?" Petunia said, as she crossed her arms across her bony chest.

Narrowing her eyes at the jealous _freak _at the door way, Lily snapped.

"No. I haven't." Lily angrily brushed past Petunia as she stormed out of her room. But hot on her heels, Petunia followed her out.

"What's wrong? Hit a sore spot? And out of all of the guys… you chose _Steven?_ Couldn't you find one of your own kind? Or do they not want to date you? I think Severus is available…"

Lily turned to face her sister, her hot temper was raising, and she could already feel her face getting flushed. "I'm still a _human_ Petunia. I still can date whoever I want, whenever I want. Besides, why do you care? You're dating Vernon."

Petunia's eyes narrowed as she bit her lip. As if Lily saying her boyfriend's name was enough to curse him with the oggie boogies.

"You're dating Vernon. You're taken. And so are most of those sad pathetic girls you hang out with. I'm not stealing him from anyone- and why am I even defending myself to you? I have to go, tell Mom and Dad that I'm with Steven." With that, Lily grabbed her tattered purse and rushed out of the house.

* * *

><p>The walk to the park didn't take long. And in the hot summer days, Lily didn't mind it too much. It gave her time to calm down before she met up with Steven. She was furious at Petunia, why did she have to say those things? Why did it matter if she liked a muggle? Lots of people in the wizarding world dated muggles, heck, they even married them!<p>

And the Severus comment… it only gnawed at the missing parts of her heart. Many assumed that Severus ended the relationship with Lily the day he called her a 'mudblood' in front of the entire student body.

What many failed to notice was the increase of bickering between them leading up to the disastrous moment. These arguments were not petty, they dealt with blood status and death eaters. It dealt with dark magic and the ethics of dark magic. There were far more fights about what was to be done after graduation (Severus, censoring his answer while Lily huffed and puffed). Turning over these moments, it was clear that the strings that held the friendship together were breaking. Each fight, Severus took a little bit of her heart that loved him and cherished him. In the end, Lily was left with a heart that had gaping holes from where Severus' relationship used to fill.

Though Lily could stand holding a conversation about the current Severus, it was difficult for her to waltz down memory lane. It was hard to imagine that Severus viewed her as a friend when it was clear that she was now the enemy. And all over something so stupid as blood status.

She quickly sat on one of the many wooden green benches, and put her face in her hands. Rubbing her temples a bit as the hot sun shone down on her, hoping that her _freak_ side wouldn't cause some accident.

_'I'm not doing anything wrong.' _she kept thinking to herself over and over until.

"Lily!"

She looked up to see Steven waving. He had such an enthusiastic wave, like his entire arm was going to fall off. It was cute. His straw blond hair was resting quietly on his head while his brown eyes lit up at the sight of her.

The way he got so excited when he saw her was adorable. The way he flashed that crocked smile with his straight nose. Well, there were a lot of things that Steven did that made Lily happy.

A smile fluttered on her face, as she stood up and wondered over to him. Her arms sneaking around his waist, as his found its way around hers. She was shorter than him, so her head rested comfortably on his chest, the fast rhythm of his pulse calming her down. They stood like that for a minute or so, each enjoying the warmth that comes from another person.

"Shall we get out of here? Take a little walk?" He whispered into her ear, sending chills down her spine.

Biting down her lip, as Lily pulled back to see the suggested grin on his face. With a small laugh and a nod, Lily pulled out of the embrace, and took hold of his hands. Her slender fingers fit perfectly with his calloused ones.

* * *

><p>Mr. Evans liked his schedule. He liked having his breakfast on time with his Earl Grey tea. While he enjoyed the sweet breakfast items from time to time, he was a creature of habit and preferred his eggs and sausages. While Mrs. Evans was flitting about the kitchen, he spotted his youngest daughter darting out, yelling a quick goodbye and then she was out the door.<p>

"Is she with that Steven fellow?" He asked his wife, his eyes following Lily walking down the street.

"She's meeting him for brunch." His wife replied, setting down his plate in front of him. He hardly noticed.

"He should have walked on over and picked her up." He said gruffly, pulling himself in closer to the small kitchen table. Mrs. Evans just chuckled at his answer, smoothing down on the blotchy red apron that clashed horribly with her own thin red hair.

"Oh, I'm sure there will be a lot things that you think Steven should do for Lily. No one is ever good enough for your girls." Mrs. Evans chided him, before sitting across from him at the table.

He snorted before turning away from the window. Yes, no one would be good enough for Lily or Petunia. However, Steven might be good enough for right now, he may be the answer to his prayers.

* * *

><p>Time during the summer turned slowly. A week morphed into a month and a month into two months. The relationship between Lily and Steven was steady and picture perfect for everyone to see.<p>

They never did anything in public except hold hands, they never fought in public, they never had little nicknames that made everyone around them sick, and nor did they scream their love out for each other to everyone they knew.

This isn't to say that things behind doors either were bad. They were two teenagers who had hormones that raged out of control every so often. There had been more than one instance when Steven's hand went up her skirt and Lily's fingers teased the waist line of his pants.

No matter what happened between them, Steven always called her beautiful and always made sure to tell her how special and precious she was in his life.

Every. Single. Time.

Granted, the first few dates like that were cute. Precious even. But after a while the words lost their edges and Lily felt like it was play more than a relationship. And every single time that Lily would hear these words, no spark of happiness went through her, no warming sensations at the bottom of her stomach and no beating heart proceeded. Of course, a smile always lighted her face and a small peck on Steven's lips to show her appreciation towards him.

After all, actions _did_ speak louder then words.

At around mid-July, on perfectly ordinary Wednesday, Steven Fiend was over at Lily's house for their weekly brunch. They had made a habit about going to each other's houses every Wednesday to make breakfast or brunch. Lily was an avid fan of eggs while Steven would much rather have some sweets, like crepes. In the end, they always made too much that it turned into a brunch. This particular week, it was Lily's turn to host the breakfast/brunch extravaganza.

Lily was at the stove top working on heating the skillet to cook some bacon. Though Lily was wearing one of her cuter sundresses (pale blue), it was covered by the hideousness of the kitchen apron. The apron, as Lily referred to it, was bright red. Splotches of food in the past were splattered on the apron to give it some artistic flair. It didn't matter if the Evans put it in the washing machine a thousand times, a majority of the stains would not come out. So Lily wore the hideous apron to protect her pretty dress. In a hair pulled into a high bun, she would hardly consider herself pretty at the moment. But someone did.

"You're looking rather beautiful today." Steven told her.

Lily whipped around to give him a small smile. He was sitting at the kitchen table with the mixing bowl in his lap. He had spent the past five minutes furiously stirring the ingredients together to make the crepes. He was rather cute with the smudge of flour on his cheek.

"Aren't you full of compliments today?" Lily retorted, facing back to the stove top.

"Just being honest." Steven chirped behind her as Lily rolled her eyes, though a small smile lingered on her face. While Lily was about to place the first batch of bacon onto the skillet, there was a sudden crash from upstairs. The kind of crash that only an _owl _would make when stumbling into a room.

_Oh my god. Is it the Hogwarts Letter?_ Lily thought to herself. She was hoping it was, for then the anxious wait of finding out if she failed her exams would come to an end (though, she wouldn't know if she failed if the letter never arrived…)

"What was that?" Steven asked in a bewildered tone. Lily could hear the mixing bowl being placed on the table as the chair scrapped against the floor for Steven to move.

"Wait!" Lily said, swiftly grabbing his arm and pulling him deeper into the kitchen.

"What? I was just going to check-"

"Let me do that, I have a feeling I know what it is." Lily said hurriedly as she started to untie the apron. Steven just looked at her curiously, as if trying to catch her in a lie.

"You sure? You were just about to start the bacon-" Lily's hands were trembling as she was working at the knot she put on the apron earlier.

"I know but-." Lily growled out, just about ripping off the apron

"I can easily go up while you finish down here." Steven butted in, turning slightly to go on his quest. Fortunately, Lily grabbed his arm again and drew him in.

"Steven! Please! I know what toppled over! Just let me handle it and you can deal with the bacon!" Lily barked out rudely, shoving the apron in his hand before dashing up the stairs two at a time.

If he said something, it was drowned out by Lily's own thoughts about grades, head girl, head boy, courses, grades, Slughorn, grades…

Opening the door to her room she was pleased to see that her predictions about the owl were spot on. Sitting at her ledge was one of the tawny owls from Hogwarts, a rather large letter attached to its leg.

Gulping, Lily wondered over to the owl and with trembling fingers untied the letter from the leg. As soon as she was able to get the letter off, the owl took off with a hoot.

The letter was heavy. Did they send letters of condolences if someone failed after the 6th year? God, she knew she should have studied harder…

Ripping apart the envelope, she pulled out several pages. Furrowing her eyes, she quickly scanned the letter. Her fear evaporated on the spot and a large smile spread to her face. She didn't fail. She did fine. She got into the courses she wanted. And she was _Head Girl_.

Attached to Dumbledore's letter was the badge. The Head Girl's badge. Her badge now.

She was the Head Girl.

"I GOT IT!" She shouted gleefully. Steven yelled something back but his voice was drowned out, yet again. Lily was dashing down the stairs and running at full speed towards Steven. It didn't matter that he was completely caught off guard when Lily ran into his arms and squeezed the life out of him.

"Erm, what did you get? What was up there anyway? I thought I heard an owl?"

"I got Head Girl!" Lily whispered happily into his chest, ignoring his previous question.

"Wait, how did you find out?" Steven asked, hugging her close, though she couldn't see it, Lily was sure that there was a smile on his beautiful face.

"Letter. Mum must have left it for me yesterday. Probably didn't notice since I was with you all day." The lie fell effortlessly from her mouth as she loosen the grip around his torso. She stood on her toes and kissed a spot on his neck below his jaw, moving her hands to lightly grip his shoulders; Merlin, she was so elated at this very moment and she was getting tingles all over her body.

"Well, that's great! Congratulations! That's going to look really nice for your resume." Steven whispered huskily, his hands gripping her hip as she continued to scatter kisses along his jaw.

Right, because she was totally excited about being Head Girl because it was something to put on her _resume_. With such an arousing thought, Lily gripped his shoulders a little tighter and giving a final kiss on his mouth before breaking away and heading towards the kitchen, Steven following her in her rapid steps, completely oblivious to the moment that had just occurred.

Once they had entered the question, Steven spoke out loud her greatest fear. "Do you know whose Head Boy? Oh! Is it Severus?" He asked excitingly, settling down on the kitchen chair and resuming the stirring of his mix.

The egg that Lily was cracked completely broke on the skillet, the yellow ebbing into the white as Lily stared wordlessly at the mess with the potential crisis playing in her head. Well, at least Lily got to enjoy the moment for a few seconds before _that_ thought crossed her mind.

* * *

><p>At the start of August, Michelle, Julie and Lily got together for a sleep over at a common friend's house – Anna. Anna, with her parents jetting around often had her house empty for small get togethers. Friendly to all, she was known to be the rebellious one in the neighborhood. She was the one who first threw a house party, had sex, and did drugs. While she fooled the adults with her studious side, her peers couldn't care less about her brains but the alcohol and fun that she provided.<p>

Her parents were out of town, leaving the house free for three sixteen year old girls. Julie was able to secure some alcohol from her parent's stash, leaving the night into drinking and watching poorly made romance movies on the VCR.

After several hours of goofing off and laughing hysterically at each other's jokes, they all settled down in Anna's room, where the topics ranged within the gossipy confines of the latest within their girl world. Each story of these girls were either sluts, bitches, or back stabbing whores. It was all great fun.

Then, the topic came upon boys and since the girls seemed to have calmed down after sharing a bottle of whatever alcohol Julie brought. Though the drink itself wasn't as strong as Firewhiskey, Lily could still feel the buzz lingering on her. The false sense of security and happiness was all over her, and she was always a little bit more open when she drank.

"So, how far have you and Mark gone Julie?" Michelle started, pulling a bottle of bright red nail polish towards her. A silence filled the room and after a minute the question was asked, Michelle made gaping noises while Lily just giggled into her pillow.

"_Julie_! When did this happen?" Anna started, with Lily close behind her with, "Where did you guys do it?"

Julie blushed as her lips twitched into a wicked grin. "It wasn't too long ago, it was a few days ago – remember when I told you Lily that I couldn't come over when Vernon and Petunia was having their date? Yeah well, Mark was over and-"

"You did it _then?!_ Oh my god! Why didn't you say anything? I wouldn't have called so often!" Lily cried as she lifted her pillow to smack Julie. Immense guilt and embarrassment flushed through her body. To think that her friend was doing that while Lily kept trying to persuade her to come out…

They were still at the age where they felt they were grown up enough to have sex and go drinking. They pretended that it was no big deal to be doing these things (which are certainly illegal in several countries), however, when it boils down to it, they were still a bunch of kids who had little supervision. Stupid things like sex and drinking was bound to mix in. It was always going to cause gasps and raised eyebrows.

"How was it?" Michelle asked slyly, as her and Lily bombarded questions about it. Was he good? Did it hurt? Was it quick? Was he big? Was there a condom involved?

The questions went on for a while, Julie laughing with each question and burying her face in the pillow when it got to the nitty gritty details of the experience.

After a half an hour of quizzing Julie, she suddenly turned to Lily. "What about you Lils? From what Mark has heard, you haven't been the innocent one…"

Lily immediately turned scarlet, as Anna let her jaw drop while Julie just snickered. "We haven't gotten as far as you and Mark… what have you heard?" She quietly asked Julie.

Julie's face soften for a bit, realizing that the information could have been taken several different ways. "Lils, Mark and Steven are best friends, they tell each other everything. Mark accidentally let it slipped. Honest. Steven isn't going around town saying that he's fucking you or anything like that…"

Lily let out a small sigh of relief and let the silence surround her. "Good. That had me a little worried. I mean, we're not screwing each other but… there have been a few times at his house when he… well, goes below the belt and I give him-"

Giselle immediately pounced on her, "Please don't tell me you've given him a blow-"

Lily's eyes widen, and shook her head quickly. "No, God no. I would never do that. That's disgusting… I mean… my mouth… ugh!"

"Well, if you truly love him…" Julie started.

"But I don't though!" Lily said exasperatedly. At once, an awkward silence filled the room. Lily realized that she let out something that she herself was afraid to admit.

Anna's nail polish brush was lingering over the bottle as she gave a quizzical look at Lily. "You don't love him… yet you do all these things with him? Why though?" She asked, as she proceeded to put a coat of red on her toe.

Lily looked at her friends in bewilderment. "I don't need to love him to do those things. I mean, I should love him to do things like that, but honestly at this age, do we even know what love is?"

"I know I love Mark." Julie stated plainly. "I mean, I slept with him the other day because… well, I trust him a lot. And I can't imagine experiencing that type of intimacy with anyone else then him." She said, then looked at her pillow, awkwardness filled the room.

"He makes me laugh and just being with him makes me happy. He's so cute, and when we're together… he makes it feel like it's only us. That there's no one else. He always knows exactly what to say when I'm down. And even when we fight, we always call up an hour or so after to apologize. I love him." Julie finished, as she started to play with the frays of her pillow.

Lily felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. She certainly didn't see Steven as any of these things. He didn't know what to say when she was upset. If anything, he made things worse. She always felt that she was in a competition in him, and more then once she felt like she was more as a trophy then as an actual human. They didn't fight. He always told her how much he liked her, he always made sure when they were alone he'd tell her she's beautiful.

Before, these words made her blush and cause a warm tingle sweep down her body. Now, she didn't feel anything. Then, when they were kissing, he always was so polite that it made her laugh when she got home.

When her hand neared the waist band of his boxers, she often asked him if it was alright. If he wanted her to go there, and his response was always 'Yes, _please_'. Though it was sweet that he used manners in such heated moments, it drove her mad. Even worse, he'd always make sure that what he was doing to her was alright and she wasn't 'aroused enough to cloud her decisions'. She couldn't put a finger why it made her crazy. It just felt so _wrong_ to be oh-so polite and formal in moments which were suppose to be filled with passion and madness.

Lily let out a sigh and spoke out the words she thought she'd never say. "I'm going to break up with him"

At once, Anna dropped the brush on her duvet while the first time that night, Julie let her mouth hang right open.

"No!"

"Don't do it!"

"It's just the alcohol talking-"

"It's not though! I wanted to do this for a while now…"

"Lily. Don't, you have _any_ idea how lucky you are to have him?" Anna stared off coldly as she stared at Lily.

"Of course I do! But I just don't think that the feeling is there anymore!"

_Or ever._ She thought to herself silently as Michelle still glared at her with such intensity.

"Lily. He's sweet and kind. He's funny and smart. And he likes you and respects you! Can you name me one good reason for you to break up with him?" Michelle started, as she turned to the box of tissues to clean up her mess.

It was Lily's turned to gape at her friends. She didn't know how to say she didn't _like _him. That she didn't want to be with him. That she would rather be with her friends or her guy friends then to be with _him. _She couldn't explain the whole 'yes please' to them, because they would find her strange. She couldn't tell them anything.

"He loves you. You know that?" Julie said quietly.

"What?"

"Yeah, he loves you." Julie let out a breath of air. "He was talking to Mark the other day and I happened to over hear it. If you break up with him… you're going to really break his heart in two. Besides, it's summer romance! You'll soon be off to school and you two will be broken up by then. Besides, you only have a few weeks left. Why not humour him for a bit?"

Lily stared at wonderment at her friends. Were they really telling her to continuing going out with Steven? Even though there was nothing between them anymore? Or to begin with? But it was evident on their faces that they thought that Lily was off her rocker.

With great hesitation and reluctance, Lily spoke, "You're right. It has to be the alcohol. I like him, I'll stay with him".

Michelle and Julie gave her a tight smile before turning the subject on Giselle who was currently eyeing one of the life guards at the pool.

Lily nodded and giggled along with them, letting the dreaded thought of her and Steven together linger at the back of her mind.

* * *

><p>Lily woke up at 6 AM the next day. A slight ache in her head and stiffness in her joints, she lifted up her head to find the rest of her friends fast asleep. The early rays of the morning were passing through the yellow curtains of the ordinary living room, giving a glowing tint to the room. Pushing herself fully off of the couch, Lily stretched out her limbs as the ache in her head turned into a slight pounding sensation. Damn alcohol. Sitting up and drawing her knees to her chest, she wrapped her arms around her legs while resting her chin on her knees. A small sigh escaped her lips when she realized that she had to meet up with Steven in six hours.<p>

Why did she care what her friends said about him? Why did she care what her friends thought of her and Steven? Doesn't it matter what she thought?

Ah, but it wasn't just her friends… the thought twisted in her head as she furrowed her brows. She knew her father was a big fan of the relationship. She knew that her mother adored Steven. She knew that her mother would like nothing more than to have a huge wedding with Steven (her heart stopped at such a thought). Her mother hinted at her coming home after graduation next year. Her mother has more than once mentioned getting a 'normal' job after graduation so that Lily could be with Steven. She has suggested to Lily several times to sever the ties with the magical world so as to have a happy relationship with Steven. Much to the discomfort of Lily.

She would be lying if she didn't think the same way herself. The headlines in the wizarding newspapers were terrifying. Kidnappings, murders, and attacks. The thought of coming home to her family's house destroyed with the mark hanging over was something that kept her up at night. Running away with Steven, giving up the world of magic, moving far, far away… it was tempting. It was safe. It was an idea that was far more serious then Lily would like to admit. For fuck's sake, she is a Gryffindor after all. But perhaps she didn't need Steven to run away.

It was hard. They were the picture perfect couple that many awed and fawned over. The amount of times the couple was complimented and admired was mind boggling. Just because Steven came from a wealthy family, meant that Lily had to share some sort of lime light. There was the pressure to be picture perfect with him, to make sure no fights broke out or any scandalous news pieces. There was this horrible sense that perfection was required to be the girlfriend of Steven Fiend. Lily bit her lip at such a thought. The quiet questions and doubts in her stomach… she was hoping her friends would give her the sense of confidence to break it off with Steven. She had thought her friends would understood, especially Anna of all people! But it appeared that they were just as fooled with the image that Steven and Lily created of perfection and happiness.

Turning her head from side to side to stretch out her neck, Lily mulled over her thoughts. This wasn't happiness. She wasn't happy. She was miserable. She felt as if she was trapped in a hole with weights on her feet so she couldn't climb out. She felt pressured to maintain an image so that everyone else could be happy. She felt like she was drowning in a sea of expectations. Who knew that dating in the muggle world would be so hard?

The soft ticking of her watch and the guilt in her stomach was her only source of company for an hour before her friends started to rustle about around her.

* * *

><p>"Did you have fun last night with your friends?" Steven asked politely, as he held on tightly to Lily's hand as they were walking around the neighborhood with Steven's dog.<p>

"I did." Lily said, guilt quickly cursing through her veins. "We mostly hung out, drank a little, gossip a little…" Lily said, taking a quick peek at Steven's face to see it darken.

"Ah. I forgot you're not too fond of me drinking." Lily muttered quietly under her breath.

Steven snapped, his hand squeezed Lily's quite tight. "It's so stupid! I mean people do the most ridiculous things while drinking. If I ever found you drunk, I would take you home to your parents." Steven said with such vigor that even the dog's ears shrunk back with fear.

Steven had some morals, to say the least. From conversations, Lily was under the impression that he viewed himself as the white knight who was pure at heart (except for those late nights). He thoroughly enjoyed looking down on his 'fellow students' for getting drunk on a Friday night instead of doing something to further their academic careers like studying for Chemistry. Though Lily would have liked to pretend that this was a joke (for who actually studies Chemistry in the summer, on a Friday night), it was far from it.

Lily resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Steven, we weren't in the clubs or anything wild like that. We were just relaxing. Besides, if you brought me home while I was tipsy or drunk my parents would probably never let me see you again…" Lily said in a teasing tone as she huddled closer to Steven.

"Oh boy, isn't that Severus? I haven't spoken to him in a while!" Steven said with a slight enthusiasm as he let go of Lily's hand to wave Severus over.

Lily swallowed quickly and Severus glowered while walking towards the couple. She knew for a _fact _that Severus hated Steven. Not enough to do anything dangerous but enough to be clearly annoyed at Steven.

"Hello Steven. Lily." Severus said darkly, nodding to each of them respectively.

"How's your summer been?" Steven asked, completely oblivious to Lily's fidgeting or Severus's narrowing eyes.

"It's been alright. I have been doing some work around the house and getting ready for next year." Severus replied dryly, barely containing the disgust in his voice.

Steven straighten up and puffed his chest out. He enjoyed such competitions of 'who is more productive'. It was so incredibly dumb, that Lily rolled her eyes as Steven blabbered on. "Sounds like a productive summer. I've been studying as well for the next year – getting my Chemistry into tip top form so that I can ace the class this year." Steven said boastfully. He was completely and utterly oblivious to the awkwardness that settled around the conversation.

Then, a small smirk crawled onto Severus's face. And Lily knew exactly what was coming out of Severus's mouth, but too late to prevent it.

"Chemistry, eh? Well, I know Lily is the top of our class when it comes to her Chemistry skills." Severus said in a teasing tone while Lily just blushed furiously.

Steven just looked at Lily with awe. "You never mentioned that you took Chemistry last year." He said with a slight shock in his voice.

"Right. Well, I didn't think it was a big deal. Nothing important. Besides, Severus beat me in the final exams by a few points so I really think that maybe you should talk to him about anything chemistry related." Lily fumbled with the words as Severus eyed her carefully.

"How do you know what score I got on the final exam?" He asked in genuine curiosity.

Lily gave a small smile and rolled her eyes in a teasing fashion. "Well, Slughorn did write to me to tell me that his best students were neck and neck for being the top in his class and that he was rather heart broken when I answered the third question incorrectly."

Severus' eyes widen with shock. Which was understandable considering the question had to do with poison antidotes and Lily wrote about ever antidote _except _for bezors. Though as insignificant as the bezor can be to anyone else it is a powerful resource against any poison. Any first year could have written a better response then Lily.

"Wow. That would explain the curt remarks made by Slughorn. I'm under the impression that he, uh, likes me less then you." Severus said politely, a small smirk tugging on his lips.

"What was the third question about? I wonder if I could have answered it…" Steven injected.

"Doubt it. As I said. Lily is one of the best Chemistry students in our year. She must have had a bad day or something during the exam." Severus quickly cut in, hardly sparing a breath to politely phrase his comment to Steven.

"Well. We better take off. But it was nice seeing you Severus." Lily said quickly, tugging on Steven's hand as they both parted ways. Lily didn't bother to look back as her and Steven walked on. If she did, she would have realized that Severus was sizing up the relationship and realizing the cowardice of Lily Evans.

* * *

><p>Petunia was a keen observer thanks to her years of being an avid gossiper. She could tell the difference between an innocent glance and a look between lovers. She could read lips from far away. There was hardly anything that went un-noticed.<p>

While sipping on some coffee, her wedding magazines fanned out in front of her, she was taking careful notes about the big day ahead. She annotated the magazines and jotted notes in her wedding planner notebook. Despite her planning, she noticed that outside the kitchen window, Severus Snape was walking slowly by the Evans household. For the _third _time that day. Honestly, couldn't the boy take a hint? And Petunia didn't really care that he was magical or potentially dangerous. She was the older sister of Lily Evans after all.

Taking a gulp of the cup of coffee, she abandoned her wedding plans and dashed out to the sidewalk. Severus took a backward glance at her, a glint of hope was all over his face before he realized who it was. He then tried to continue walking, as if he didn't stop before.

"Wait. Hold on." Petunia yelled out, and to her surprise, the boy did exactly that. Walking in long strides, Petunia was able to reach him and angrily crossed her arms.

"Going to the grocery store?" She asked sweetly, her head tilted to the side while Severus shuffled and scowled.

"Yes, I have to pick up some things for my mother…" He trailed off, his sentence dying when he saw the skeptical look on Petunia's face.

"Right, well, that's great but isn't this the long route?" Petunia asked pointed manner, Severus just looked away, his eyes fixed angrily on a crack on the sidewalk.

"You're not going to win her back by pacing in front of her house-"

"I'm not _trying _to win her back-"

"Well, good! What you did was awful! You know how sensitive she is to that sort of thing-"

"Listen. Petunia." Severus cut her off, directly facing her at this point. "I'm only going this route to make sure that your house is safe. You know as well as anybody that dark times lie ahead." He told her sternly.

Petunia pushed out the _The Daily Prophet _headlines from out of her mind. Feigning a look of nonchalant, she snorted. "Oh, Severus! Don't be so melodramatic-"

"I know that you have a subscription." Severus cut her off, a smirk sprawled across his face as the blood drained from Petunia's face. Severus knew Petunia's embarrassment and shame of not having magical blood… and her desire to be magical. It was embarrassing. But she wasn't about to let him control the conversation now.

"What are you talking about?" Petunia snapped at him.

Severus laughed, his eyes gleaming with mirth. "Oh, please. I see the two owls getting to your house every day. Your mother hates birds and your father is dreadfully awful at dealing with animals. You really expect me to believe that Lily gets two copies of the Daily Prophet every day?" Severus replied quietly.

Petunia shifted her weight from foot to foot. Now she was uncomfortable. This is why she couldn't stand Sevy, it's like he made sure that she felt as humiliated as she was on that platform all those years ago.

"And so what? I want to know what's going on in my sister's life." Petunia snapped.

"Funny. I thought you despised her. Just like I do." Severus pointed out, a confident grin on his face.

Who knew that these two would have something in common?

* * *

><p>Lily would lay awake in her bed with the latest <em>Daily Prophet<em> on her bed stand. Each headline filled with the latest murders and kidnaps, all of them hinting at the cause.

Her years at Hogwarts were delightful; the protection that Dumbledore gave them ensured them a safe environment. However, the protection didn't stop the dreadful news hailing continuously on them. Throughout her years, she had seen more and more of her peers retreating with their family and entering in her seventh year – she had received plenty of letters from her mates, telling her that they went into hiding with their family, and hopes that they would see each other again.

She has been advised by several to drop out. To run far away from Britain, and blend into the muggle population, as a 'mudblood' she was one of the most targeted person on He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's list.

They've told her countless times to run, to forget the magic flowing through her veins. To forget the endless list of spells, to pretend that Hogwarts was nothing more than an imaginary place in her mind.

Even her parents were worried for her. They've seen _her_ newspapers. In fact, her father made it a point to read it so he could understand the gibberish that spewed out of Lily's mouth.

While he silently read the newspaper, his eyes slowly moving from row to row; her mother fretted, made tutting noises and twisted her hands in a knot. She didn't want her daughter dead. She didn't want to ever come home to see a death mark over her house. She was terrified of this world that she knew nothing about.

That was why, she was standing in the door way of her daughter's, trying to force the words out of her throat.

Lily was folding her clothes and placing her books away into the faded wooden trunk that Lily took away every year. Every year Lily took off to Hogwarts, a school that as a mother, she used to think was this magical, beautiful place. With rolling green hills and a castle fit for a fairy tale. The ghosts, bewitched paintings, spells, and potions, all seemed too good to be true. Hogwarts was the perfect place.

Now, Hogwarts is this roaring monster that takes away her daughter every year. The jinxes, the hexes, the evil Slytherins, and you-know-who all came from this school, this _Hogwarts. _

Yet, she tried to get Lily to enroll into the local school. She cried and pleaded with her daughter to stay home; but Lily is as stubborn as a mule, she would never stay home, she'd much rather fight the battle then stay at home. But there was one last trick she had up her sleeve that may just save her daughter's life.

* * *

><p>Out of the corner of Lily's eye, she spotted her mom hovering near the door way. She let out a sigh as she continued to work on her trunk.<p>

Soon though, she heard the padded footsteps of her mother and watched as her mother sat on the bed.

Her mother wasn't young but couldn't be considered old. Her short blonde hair was curled inwards and reached mid neck. Her green eyes were lined with 'laughter wrinkles' and her lips were thin with parentheses around them. Currently, her mother was fretting with the diamond, pearl ring that Lily's grandmother owned.

At once Lily felt her stomach sank, as she realized that her mom wasn't here to help her fold robes but to talk her out of going to Hogwarts, to home.

"Did you get your dress robes out of the basket downstairs?" Her mother asked.

Lily nodded as she placed some books on the robes she recently packed. "Yes. I did, thank you. I don't know what I would have done without all of your help" She flashed a smile towards her mother, as her mother weakly smiled back.

"So… what are you going to tell Steven?" Lily's mother said gingerly, stepping into the room and taking deliberate steps towards Lily's bed.

"Not the truth" Lily muttered, stiffening up and walking towards the laundry basket.

"How are you two going to keep in contact though? I mean, I doubt he knows how to work an owl…" Her mother trailed off as Lily froze midway of placing another load of robes.

"I… wasn't going to keep in contact… I mean, I'm going to break up with him –" Lily stammered as her mother looked at her daughter wide eyed.

"You shouldn't break up with him. He's a good boy Lily, where are you going to find another boy like him? Certainly not up at that school"

"You mean Hogwarts?" Lily said coolly as she thrust her robes in the trunk, not bothering if they were placed as neatly as the others.

Her mother's eye twitched at the mention of Hogwarts but prattled on as if Lily said nothing. "Lily, it's unreasonable to think you're going to marry someone up there… I mean, how can we trust them? How do we know that they're not a death eater or-"

"Mom! I can tell!" Lily shrilly yelled as she started to thrust more of her things in a hazard state.

"Lily! Listen to me, this war, it's getting worse and… I don't think your father and I will allow you to live in _your_ world after you graduate!" Her mother said firmly, not raising her voice nor lowering it.

Lily looked at her with shock. Her mouth was open and short gasps came in and out. She couldn't believe her ears, her mother was _threatening_ her. Her mother, her father, the very people who praised her for being magical was now trying to turn her away from this practice.

"You can't stop me" Lily said softly, the courage the she once had in her chest was suddenly gone.

"Or what? You're going to apperate? You're not seventeen, you're not legal to do any sort of magic" Lily's mother said harshly.

"Afterwards I can. I turn seventeen in the winter. I'll be able to do whatever I want then!" Lily shouted as she slammed her trunk shut.

"If you choose to remain with _that_ world, then don't consider yourself part of the family."

Lily and her mother swished their heads to where Lily's dad was, leaning against the door with his hands in his jean pockets. Complete silence envelop Lily's room as each member was staring at one another, not daring to believe what had just happened.

"This _will_ be your last year at Hogwarts. We can't get you out of school now, it's too suspicious with all of the neighbors – they'll talk. Therefore, you're safe to go for one more year at the school. However, if you want to be considered a part of this family, then you will return to _our_ world after your seventh year. I'm sure you can magic up some papers, claiming you graduated from some prestigious school and then you can snap your wand…" Lily's father continued, as he walked the room, his hand hovering where Lily's wand lay.

Lily's chest contracted painfully. Her breaths were shallow and she could feel the pool of tears that were collecting in her eyes. She bit her bottom lip painfully as she watched her father get close to her wand and mention the very snapping of it.

Her father's face soften as he saw his daughter quivering near her trunk, at once his heart reached out to her. "Lily, we're not doing this to be mean or cruel, but because we love you. Do you understand that? We can't protect you from these Death Eaters or Demenentors without spells or wands. But we can hide you in _our_ world. That, we can do."

"You honestly think that will _work?_ We're dealing with the most powerful dark wizards of our kind here! Do you not realize that if he wants to find me he will! I mean, just because I snapped my wand- "

"Steven would help" Her father cut her off.

"What? No, he won't! I'm going to break up with him as soon-"

"After he graduates from school, his father is offering him a position in his company. Pretty high up actually. Would require a lot of traveling, Voldemort wouldn't want to try find a witch like you in… Switzerland now, would he?" Her father finished off.

Lily stood dumbfounded with the information that kept getting hurled at her.

She wanted the magic. She wanted her freedom. She wanted the ability to travel and not be tied down. She wanted the excitement that would not be satisfied in a mundane muggle life. She didn't want a future with Steven.

Steven, with his self centered and polite ways. His formal questions, a future with him would be a perfect scenario. One, with a house on a hill, with a view on the lake and the mountains, little kids running about, cook books open to make the perfect meal, cleaning after her children and husband, satisfying everyone's needs except her own. The perfect future for the house maker, the perfect family with the darling kids; the perfect scenario for everyone but Lily.

But she wanted to stay with her family, she wanted to send letters to her mom and receive care packages. She wanted her dad to walk her down the aisle. She wanted her mother there when she needed help with the baby. She wanted her family apart of her life.

Even if it meant she had to give up something in return. Even if it meant she had to keep Steven. Even if it meant destroying herself in the process, revamping everything about her, changing her needs her desires so that they would fit in this perfect scenario.

"Okay" Lily whispered hoarsely, as her parents left the room.

* * *

><p>Petunia was a major bitch. Lily could write an entire novel of why her sister was the spawn of the devil himself. Yet, at times, the jealousy and the hatred died down for brief moments. The sisters had an inexplicably ability to come together at times of crisis.<p>

"I can't believe it." Lily heaved out, wiping her hand across her cheek. Her eyes felt swollen, and she kept having to sniffle. She could already feel the dull ache of a headache coming on.

"Neither can I" Petunia whispered hoarsely. They were sitting on the floor of Lily's room, back against the bed with Petunia's arm around Lily's body. Lily was sniffling and sobbing all over her sister's t-shirt; but she figured she wouldn't mind this one time.

"It's my whole life Petunia." Lily wailed quietly, fearful the floor boards would creak open for her parents to hear.

"It may kill you. And us! You've got to think about the rest of the family Lily." Petunia said sternly, rubbing her hand up and down Lily's arm.

Lily just laughed. "How can I protect you if I don't have a wand? Or go to school to learn everything possible? Petunia, we're dealing with _magic_ this other side, this Voldemort guy has terrible, dark magic. He cannot be defeated with mere guns." Lily said stubbornly.

"Well, _The Daily Prophet _is hinting that a lot of muggle-borns are going into hiding…" Petunia trailed off.

Lily smiled to herself. "Glad to know you still read the newspaper."

Petunia shrugged, "I steal yours whenever I get the chance. Mom and dad usually grab it after me."

"Well, that makes sense why they're scared out of their minds."

Petunia looked down at her sister, a sense of pity was written all over her face.

"Lily, we just want what's best for you. This is the only way we know how to protect you. This Voldemort guy isn't going to find you in Switzerland and as far as for us? Well, we don't live in a flashy neighborhood, hopefully he goes for other places."

"You're taking a chance. For you to be safe we'd have to _all _move."

Petunia shrugged. "Not necessarily. _The Daily Prophet_ is reporting that majority of the attacks are occurring when the muggle-born is at home or to complete and total muggle strangers in the street. Sure there has been some break-ins in Muggle homes – but Snape lives in this neighborhood."

"He's a bad person Petunia. I he's going over to the other side." Lily said quietly, tearing a part the tissue in her hand.

"I know. You told me. But you don't get it. Sevy still looks at you the same way he did as a kid. He may have called you mudblood but he would never actually hurt you. Or your family. He knows if he plays a move on us, then whatever happened between you two would truly be dead. He's still got hope."

"How do you know this? I haven't seen him in ages." Lily said, something strange getting caught in her throat as she further fidgeted with the tissue in her hand.

Petunia just started laughing. "You can't be that blind. Haven't you seen the say he stares at daggers at Steven in the grocery store? He walks pass this house a lot and he claims it is because it is on the way to the bus stop…"

"You talk to him? I thought you hated him!"

Petunia frowned at this. "Hate is an awfully strong word. I don't like what he called you but… There's something still there. I wouldn't worry about him Lily."

"Don't worry. I'm not wasting any breath on that stupid git." Lily mumbled darkly under her breath.

Petunia just took a huge sigh. "Look, this isn't over. You still have a choice. A horrible choice no doubt. But you still have it. You just need to figure what life you're willing to live with. One without the family, possibly throwing all of us in mortal peril, and you dying within a few years or… one with the whole family and you tolerating Steven. The choice is yours."

"If only it was that simple." Lily whispered, as her and her sister sat in silence as the sky started to darken.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Like it? Love it? Review it!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Reckless Abandonment  
><strong>Author: <strong>Nesma  
><strong>AN: **Well, here's chapter two. Again, this is a chapter that I love entirely... but it needs to be out there. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

><p>"I don't get it!"<p>

"Honestly Steven, I've explained it a hundred times…"

"Yeah and it still doesn't make sense! I mean, why do I need to give your parents all the letters or packages I want to send you?" Steven asked, as he stopped Lily a little bit away from King's Cross.

Lily gave an annoyed sigh and gritted her teeth. "I _told_ you, we have some special rate with our postman. All of my other friends do it! Look, I know it's really weird and don't worry, my parents don't go through my letters. Believe me. I had Julie write this letter asking me about sex since I had 'tons of experience'. And if my parents did read that letter… well, they are awfully quiet about it!" Lily said with a grin, as Steven's face was only inches away from her.

"So I can write all about that time we played Monopoly and watched M*A*S*H and not have to worry about anything?" He said in a joking manner.

Lily's cheeks instantly flamed up at the memory of them; her lips had a tight smile that she hoped convey happiness instead of disgust. For some reason, whenever he brought up memories of _those _nights, her skin just crawled.

She looked up at him and gave him a kiss on the lips, slightly opening her mouth to deepen the kiss before pulling away.

"Exactly. Now, this has been _very_ sweet of you to walk with me to King's Cross but I do have to go and my parents are privy about these situations." She said lightly.

After another kiss, Steven left and at once Lily was surrounded by her parents who demanded for every little detail. Luckily, Lily was able to shake them off as she crossed to the _other_ world.

Once she was greeted with the large red train, the screaming of young kids, and the nagging that some mothers still did at the last second; Lily realized how much she would miss this world.

* * *

><p>"Get OFF of me-"<p>

"I'm not going to let you destroy your bloody life-"

"You almost did it for me three months ago-"

"Mate, now is not the time to bring this up."

"Look, you can't stop me-"

"Watch me-"

"Padfoot!"

"LOLA!"

At once, the house-elf appeared in the living room where she found Sirius Black and James Potter in a fierce wrestling match on the oriental rug in the Potter's living room. With a small sigh and a snap of her hands, both were separated from one another and held by invisible ropes to the ground.

"Mr. Potter and Mr. Black best be packing, only a few hours till they must be on the train for Hogwarts."

"I'm not going, I've got to find out what happened-"

"And what's your plan? You don't even know where to go to find out-"

"One of them is hurt, so St. Mungos would be the first place-"

"Oh yeah, as if they'd really put down Michel Potter down on the bloody registry-"

"I'm family! They've got to let me see him-"

"Mate! They won't know that you're family! They'll probably tell you that he's not in there-"

"I'll pull out my wand-"

"And hang them by the bloody ankles? Grow up-"

"Rich coming from you-"

"I don't care about that because you're acting like a real idiot right now-"

"Right, because wanting to find a parent after one's missing and the other may be dying is a totally irrational desire-"

"It is if it means missing out going to Hogwarts! You're Head Boy you have responsibilities to uphold! You not showing up on the first day would be a disaster!"

"I don't care about Head Boy! I want to see my parents-"

"Well the Ministry doesn't! Hell! I wouldn't be surprised if they hadn't put up posters at St. Mungos telling the healers to be aware of you-"

"Fuck the Ministry-"

"Wow, you think the Healers will let you through like that-"

"I don't care if I get in trouble-"

"Your parents will-"

"They may be dying-"

"We don't know that for sure-"

"How could I not think that? I have to find out-"

"You'll find out more tonight-"

"Or I can find out now-"

"You're not going to find anything out! Listen! Moony is going to be here in a bit-"

"Oh, Merlin, you called Moony for back up?"

"You asked Moony to come, to prep you for Head Boy…"

"Who cares about that?"

"YOU DID! And your parents will be bloody furious if they found out that you threw away this responsibility because of them!"

James gave Sirius a dirty look. "I'll get finish packing." He said, as he stomped away from Sirius. Sirius gave a sigh of relief before collapsing on the arm chair. He heard some swearing and smirked to himself.

As if he wouldn't have put anti-apperating spells on the house. James should know better.

* * *

><p>Lily was early to King's Cross and the only people on the train were the scared first years. Lily was happy to see this, as she was slightly nervous for her first meeting with the prefects.<p>

She knew the importance of the first meeting. She had to make a strong impression, somehow be authoritative and scary yet maintain the balance of open and kind. She wasn't exactly sure how to portray these two opposing sides. And to make matters worse, she had _no _idea is the new Head Boy. Trying to push aside her nerves, and calm her slightly trembling hands she took a deep breath outside of the prefects compartment… except, there appeared to be already people in it. She could tell by the yelling… and were those _sparks? _Was someone already dueling on the first day back?! Furrowing her brows, she leaned into the door to hear the match. She stood motionless like this for a minute before realizing that she should probably enter and stop this nonsense. Isn't this the responsibility of Head Girl? Taking a deep breath, she grabbed her wand from her pocket and slid the door open.

A purple streak narrowly missed her ear, a gasp, a clatter of dropped wands, and the two bashful boys known as Remus Lupin and James Potter stood in front of her. Both of them were heavily disheveled, as their ties were crooked, shirts untucked, hairs were in a flurry. To make matters worse, Remus was sporting boils on his face while James' hands were red and swollen as if scalded. But the cherry on top of this atrocious scene was the fact that James Potter had _a Head Boy's Badge pinned to his chest. _And he had the nerve to be dueling with Remus.

"What the hell is going on here?!" Lily found her voice, as she angrily tugged on her trunk before slamming the door viciously. She swore to herself as she realized that she let out a muggle word.

"Just a friendly duel. Merlin, don't get your knickers in a bunch. Nothing you need to get involved in." James spat out as he started to reverse some of the effects on himself and Remus.

"Of course I do! You _idiot. _You're dueling in the Head/Prefects compartment. What if a prefect saw you?!" Lily exclaimed.

"That would be a damn tragedy. A prefect, walking into a fight between me-"

"You're Head Boy-"

"So?" James asked, rolling his eyes and collapsing against the chairs. He raised his eyebrows as if daring her to cross him, his legs sprawled, wand tucked behind his ear, and the glasses skewed on his dainty nose.

Lily crossed her arms and switched her weight to her right leg. As _if _she was going to let this go down without a fight. Biting her lip, she narrowed her eyes at James. Trying to figure out his angle.

"So?! _So_?! You're Head Boy, you need to set an example-"

"I_ am_ Evans. I'm setting an _excellent _example of how to duel. I did, after all, get top marks on my Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L." James said, smirking in a patronizing way. Remus let out a heavy sigh as he rubbed his face into his hands as Lily felt like a nerve was struck.

"I _know _you got top marks. Thanks to you loudly bragging to Snape-"

"He was curious, it would be cruel to deny him the pleasure-"

"And stoop to his level?"

"Please, I'm taller than him." James retorted.

"It isn't-"

"You both know that prefects are boarding the train, right?" Remus cut in quickly, stepping between the two as if blocking the sight of each other would be enough to end the fight.

"Why didn't you tell me you were Head Boy?" Lily rounded on James, sidestepping Remus. Completely ignoring his comment.

"Honestly? Slipped my mind. Summer was busy." James said, averting his gaze to the floor as his jaw tensed up.

"So busy that you couldn't send an owl my way?"

"Yes. Actually, it was." James snapped.

"Fabulous. Since you had _such _a busy summer, I'm assuming you got the same letter explaining-"

"I even had Remus drill me on everything prefect/head boy related. Relax Evans, I'll be fine." James said, waving his hand as Lily shot Remus a look. He shrugged.

"I did do that. He'll be fine." Remus repeated, giving Lily a sympathetic look as she bit hard on her bottom lip; trying to find the exact words to adequately explain the battle within.

"Fine." Lily said. "Let's get this planning done."

"I'm just, I'm going, well I'm going to go." Remus said awkwardly, fidgeting, taking one or two steps before finally leaving the compartment. Lily heaved a sigh and looked at James, 'You ready?" She asked, tilting her head to the side as he lazily nodded. He suddenly reached over to his side to pull his bag closer, he rifled through it, dropping quills and crumbled pieces of parchment on the cushion next to him until he pulled out a stack of sleek parchment with neat handwriting on them.

Lily felt her eyebrows shoot up as James clutched the papers, he licked his lips before heaving a heavy sigh.

"I know that usually, Heads are supposed to assign blindly the prefects into different nights because of that um, drama over the years. But I, obviously, don't know everyone well enough to blindly assign them together and I thought that maybe we could try this system that people sign up for slots on their own? And, before you ask, I have charmed this so that no two people from the same two house can patrol… with the exceptions of a new prefect with an older one. And I though that if I were new, I would want someone whose older and that I know to show me the ropes. Hope that's okay with you." James said tersely, as he handed the parchment into Lily's outstretched hands.

Lily's jaw was slightly open. The sign up sheet was fabulous. It was even better than fabulous, it was better then the mess the previous Heads had to go through.

"It's great." Lily croaked out, lifting the sheet gingerly and inspecting it.

"Thanks." James said quietly, his head bowed as he fiddled with his thumbs.

"Right, well, Remus filled you in I guess about the drama with the prefects…"

"You mean the expulsions with certain Slytherins and Hufflepuffs?"

Lily bit her lip and nodded her head. James's lips went into a hard line and he jaunted out his chin before spitting out, "Yeah, he did."

In Lily's fifth year, prefects generally did rounds with the prefects in their house. It was fine, it was normal. There was hardly any mixture of houses within rounds. Even when there were two houses doing patrols, there was the general rule that you patrolled with the person in your house.

In Lily's sixth year, two 7th year Slytherins were caught experimenting with unforgivable with the creatures they found on their rounds (cats, rodents, and bugs). The fall out was terrible. The students were expelled but then allowed back in due to the voting of the school's board (the two students had powerful connections). Though Dumbledore was able to strip them of their badge, there was still the rumours that prefects were using the patrol times to 'practice' or to sneak out. And so, there came the system that prefects had to patrol with different houses as a way of check and balance.

A system in theory should work failed in practice. Problems raised when older students bullied the younger students. The Slytherins were merciless with the prefects from the other houses; while Gryffindor often repaid the favor by dangling the younger prefects from Slytherin. The amount of magic done in the halls due to prefects was unbelievable.

Now, what to do with patrols was an issue.

"For the first month, this should be fine… but what about in the future? Should we let the houses mingle or divide?" Lily ventured.

James shrugged his shoulders and pulled the sign up sheet towards himself. He stared at it for a while before opening his mouth again. "I think… I think no matter what we do, we're going to run into problems. I don't think we can do much. I vote that we just have them sign up for different shifts each month. We'll keep an eye out for any odd pairings."

Lily bit her lip. What else could she say?

* * *

><p>"My name is James Potter, Gryffindor and your new Head Boy"<p>

Lily covered half of her face with her hand as she stared glumly at the ground. How were the prefects going to react as James Potter as Head Boy?

James Potter was the opposite of responsible. Always looking for a fight. Always planning pranks and causing havoc. How would anyone take him seriously? Lily took a deep breath as she opened her own mouth.

"My name is Lily Evans, Gryffindor and your new Head Girl." In a voice that was highly cheerful – it sounded so fake to Lily's ears. "Alright everyone, I just want to say congratulations to all of you. Prefect is prestigious role that teachers only give out to those who they feel are capable of leading their year" Lily stated coolly as she heard snickers throughout the cabin.

"Though I'd like to assume that everyone had a wonderful summer, I realized that some of you have been affected by the crimes that have been occurring in England"

At this, several of the Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws bowed their head in respect, while the Slytherins exchanged smirks with each other. Lily felt her lip twitch for a moment, while at the corner of her eye, she saw James' face darken.

_He better not try anything… that stupid git. _She thought bitterly to herself.

"Which leads us to our first order of business" James stated loudly, while shuffling through some parchment. "Rounds. Each of you will sign up for the first month. For this month, the experienced prefects will sign up for a slot and then the first time prefects will sign up for a slot with the experienced prefects. Some of the older prefects will be paired with someone from the previous years. Oh, and different houses have to be paired together." James rambled while showing the bewitched parchment that he and Lily created an hour ago.

"I _know_ they are a hassle and a pain, but we have to do it to ensure the safety of our school. Besides, you will _not_ be alone. You will have at least two other prefects with you and a teacher with you at all times. But we need to figure out quickly who is going to doing what nights and with who" James said and silence filled the room.

Soon though, a fifth year Slytherin boy stepped forward. His hair was dark black and his skin was an olive color. His hazel eyes boldly stared at the Head Boy and Girl and a smirk was playing on his lips.

"Jacob Abduneur, Slytherin, fifth year and I'd love to take a few of the night rounds." He smiled as the Slytherins around him laughed openly.

A few uncomfortable shuffles filled the room as Lily quickly began to panic. Though it was wrong for the faculty and Prefects to stereotype and to listen to the rumours being thrown about, some pretty nasty stories about Abduneur's father has reached plenty ears of the Hogwarts students.

Just as Lily opened her mouth to explain to him that they needed to 'finalize' a few things and they needed more 'time' with the schedule, or some other lame excuse to prolong the worse. Too bad James beat her to it.

"Absolutely not" James said boldly, while writing something down on his pad. Whispers and gasps followed and the smirks on the Slytherins' face only grew. Lily quickly grabbed James arm and whispered harshly in his ear, "What do you think you're doing".

"Trust me." James said as he unleashed himself from the grasp of Lily.

"Why not?" Jacob said hotly.

It was only then did James turn himself to fully look Jacob in the eye.

"Jacob, it would be quite reckless if Lily and I allowed you and your Slytherin friends to patrol the halls at night-" James started to rattle before Jacob cut him off.

"What? Head Boy and Girl have prejudices against Slytherins? Think we're all Death Eaters who follow the Dark Lord? Think that we're going to raid the school?" Jacob asked, with a smirk on his lips while the non-Slytherin Prefects gave him dirty looks or swore under their breaths.

While Lily was sweating and twisting her hands, and prayed to god that something reasonable would spit out of her mouth, James just stood in front of Jacob with his hands in his pockets and smile on his lips.

"Jacob, there clearly has been a misunderstanding here. I'm not worried_ about_ _you_ causing destruction to the school or putting any of the students in harms way – after all, you're only a fifth year, you don't have enough magic to cause any real danger. But I'm more concerned _for_ _you_."

It was Jacob's turn to be surprised, as he pointed to himself and quietly said, "Me?"

At this, James' smile only grew, "Yes. You. After all, Lily and I have a responsibility to watch over you, to make sure that you're all are safe. Right?"

"R-Right" Jacob stammered.

"Anyway, Jacob, though I don't believe the rumours or the articles in The Prophet, I'm sure there are some people who do. And these rumours… well if they're true, your father has caused a lot of distress for some of the students. And some students don't use logic to make a decision, they use their emotions. How do you think they'll react if they find out you're patrolling the halls at night?"

"I've heard people talk about you Jacob, I've heard some of the most gruesome revenge plans. So for your own safety, I'd rather if you and the Slytherin house take the day patrols with some of the teachers – it's perfectly understandable, right?"

Silence followed. Jacob gapped at James and Lily was just as surprised. Everyone just gave the old, 'we'll finalize the plans with the teachers' or something lame to escape the awkward Slytherin situation. Yet here, James somehow regain control of that situation.

Jacob just nodded and rejoined his friends who had their jaws set and threw dirty looks to James. For once, it wasn't the Slytherins who were controlling the meetings, it was at last, the Head Boy and Girl. Something that hasn't happened since the rise of Voldemort.

James just beamed out to the group, as if nothing had happened, "Alright then, any other volunteers?"

* * *

><p>After the last prefect filed out of the compartment, Lily and James started to clean up. Lily kept sneaking looks at James as he silently picked up the papers and candy wrappers that littered the floor.<p>

Honestly, she was shocked that he didn't pull out his wand for Jacob. She was surprised that he had the courage to shot Jacob down in a reasonable way.

_Because I certainly would have pulled a wand and I would have cursed at him till the cows went home._ Lily instinctively thought before shaking her head.

It wasn't long though before he caught Lily looking at him. With an irritable tone, James asked, "What is it Lily? Did I mess up?"

Lily stammered a bit before telling the truth. "You… you didn't fall for the Slytherins' trick. You thought quick on your feet – a feat that not a lot of Head Boys have been able to do these past few years."

James snorted, "I thought a Head Boy was supposed to have courage and stand up for the students?" He said gruffly.

Lily rolled her eyes and angrily puffed out air. Did _Potter_ not realize the dangers of today? Was he oblivious to the world around him? Did mommy and daddy shelter him from the monsters at night?

"Of course. But do you remember Diggory? The year he became Head Boy… nearly all of his family on his mother's side was brutally murdered by Zachary Williams. Of course, Williams claimed he did nothing wrong and when his kid came to Hogwarts as a Prefect… Diggory couldn't threaten him because his family was continuing to receive threats…" Lily rambled on as she continued to find endless candy wrappers strewed around the floors. How much did these kids eat?

James nodded along, "If he said anything to Zach, his family would suffer."

Lily let out a sigh of a relief, a smile playing on her lips. The satisfaction of being right, and to James Potter no less, lead to a swell of confidence. "Exactly"

"And if he didn't say anything, his family would have still suffered." James said bitterly as he threw the last piece of parchment in the garbage.

Lily turned around and place her hand on her hip. Biting down hard on her bottom lip as she angrily looked onto James. "Wha- No! No, that wouldn't happen." She sputtered before James retaliated.

"Oh really? Are you just acting? Or are you really this stupid?" He asked mincingly as he approached her.

Lily felt her jaw drop. "I read the papers Pot-"

"You read the _The Daily Prophet_ and the muggle papers that get delivered. Right?" James spat out as his own mouth twisted into a sneer. "_The Prophet_ is loosing control over what they can print, so whatever you're reading is the abridged version. The muggle papers delivered in England barely cover the world news and at this point in time, Voldemort is hiding low enough that it's difficult to tell what's magic and gas explosions."

"It's still the news! It's not as if I'm going out there like some ditz who goes around and goes, 'I'm a mudblood!'" Lily retorted as she threw her arms up in the air, her cheeks quickly coloring to a crimson.

"It's still the wrong news Lily! It's still missing pieces." James took a deep breath before plowing on. "Voldemort, is a brilliant dark wizard. He knows how to take advantage of people. He's not reaching out to only the Dark Wizards in England. He's searching for followers all over the world. He's going to places where the country is crumbling to bits; but the Muggle newspapers barely cover the news of a third-world country and Voldemort can gather up followers quietly."

Lily could hear the train move nosily on the tracks while the green scenery flew past her. She could feel Potter's eyes bore down on her as she continued to bite her bottom lip. Fucking Potter and his world views. What did he know? Stupid prat.

"Either way, what goes on in the rest of the world has nothing and I mean nothing to do with Diggory's family. Diggory did the right thing by shutting up and keeping a low profile. He got his family time - "

"Wrong" James said lazily as he took a seat.

Lily stared at him incredulously, her jaw falling open _yet again_. "Would you just shut up for one minute! Christ!" She exclaimed as her hands formed ready fists. She cursed again at herself once she realized the language she used.

"Look! Can't you see Diggory did the right thing?! I mean, it's his life! His family's life! There things far more important then dying to save your pride or ego.." Lily growled out while pacing the room.

At once James' mouth turned into a snarl as he jumped back up from his seat. Strutting towards Lily, who was dead frozen in her spot, until he was merely inches away from her face.

"Are you even a Gryffindor?! Dying for a cause! Dying for your family! Dying to ensure that your own kids won't have to endure the life filled with terrors and death! Even dying to save the defenseless muggles on your street is worth it!" James nearly shouted into her ear, his spit hitting her face.

Lily stared back at James, her green eyes meeting his hazel ones. His breathing was labored and with a quick peek down she noticed his own hands were balled into fists.

"And what about living Potter? Keeping your head low to ensure that your kids grow up with a set of parents instead of as an orphan?" She said softly, contrasting his yelling tone from earlier.

James pulled away from her, stepping back warily. His face, that was composed of such anger and hatred earlier only showed disgust.

"Dumbledore's right. We sort too early. If we had waited a few more years, you would have been clearly been sorted into Slytherin with_ Sevy_." James said in a bitter, sarcastic tone that cut Lily's skin like a knife.

Lily opened her mouth to speak, to throw something nasty his way. But the words got caught in her throat and she wasn't even sure she had words to say anyway. It didn't take long for James to realize that as he strode out of the room – and when Lily saw the last of his robe disappear; something in her mind snapped as she strode towards the door.

Finding herself in the corridor of the train, completely oblivious to the gossiping students and open compartments, Lily quickly spotted James and stride quickly over to him, she grabbed his arm and his look of shock and anger only added fuel to Lily's fire.

"You know _nothing. _You're arrogant. You're a stupid prick who thinks you know everything about everyone. You have _no _right to tell me which house I should have been placed. You hardly know me Potter."

Students quickly stopped talking and gaped at Lily. Others turned to James to see his own reaction. Instead of angrily lashing out or pulling out his arm, James simply smirked at Lily, a chuckle growing.

"So why does it bother you so much? If I am, just an arrogant, stupid prick… why let it anger you so much? Really Evans, you must think of the example you're leading as _Head Girl._" Lily let go of his arm, flushed with humiliation as James threw her a wink and walked away. He pulled open one of the nearest compartment doors, where the voices of Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew came billowing out. James quickly entered and shut the door, leaving Lily fuming with white rage.

Lily let out a strangled growl before turning to the prefects compartment door. Grabbing onto the ledge she slammed it shut with such a force that the thud bounced off the walls.

The students around started whispering and giggling. Lily could hear their pathetic voices float through her ears as she stared at the vibrating door.

"Get back to your compartments. The train will be arriving within an hour or two to Hogwarts. I suggest you change into your robes." Lily said.

With that, she turned on her heel as she marched to the compartment where her friends were at. It was certainly going to be a long year.

* * *

><p>"You did <em>what?<em>"

"He said that?"

Lily groaned as she pulled her knees up to her chest. She had just spent the last half an hour retelling her friends the disastrous meeting.

"I know it was stupid. I know I shouldn't let him get under my skin. But God! James fucking Potter is _Head Boy!_ I have to work with him for the rest of the year! And he thinks I'm this stupid git – "

"You're one of the top witches in our class" Alice said sympathetically as she placed a hand on Lily's arm.

"Doesn't matter! He still thinks I'm an idiot! Shit Alice! He thinks I should be in _Slytherin_! Do I look like a Slytherin? A murder? A Death Eater?!" Lily almost shrieked before burying her head into her knees again.

Alice, Marlene and Emmeline sucked in their breaths as the watched Lily fall apart.

Emmeline nervously fingered her curly dark brown hair as she whispered to Lily, "Did he really say that? You? In Slytherin?"

Marlene rolled her brown eyes at Emmeline. "Lily! He's being stupid! I mean, really now, you in Slytherin? I doubt you've ever been nasty to anyone in your life. You let Severus go pretty lightly, even though he called you a mud-"

"He was a friend!" Lily bitterly snapped at Marlene. "I wasn't about to tell him to go fuck himself! I've know him since I was ten! I trusted him! Clearly I was wrong-"

"But you're not capable of doing what Severus does! You don't go brooding in dark corners, scribbling notes into your potions book or making nasty spells…" Andrea said as she started to pull her robes from her trunk.

Lily nodded her head as she took in a shaky breath. "Right. You're totally right. Let's not talk about Potter. Let's talk about something else… Alice, I heard you made some progress on Frank." Lily said, grinning brightly as Alice flushed.

"It's nothing. We just… sent lots of letters to each other." Alice mumbled while pretending to be intrigued by the stitching on her jeans. Emmeline playfully slapped her, "That's not all! Tell Lily what happened on the train!"

"It's nothing-"

"Nothing?" Marlene scoffed before launching into the story where Frank had nervously asked Alice to go for a walk around the lake after the first day of classes. Suggesting that maybe afterwards they can retire to the come and go room.

Lily gasped and laughed at Alice who was blushing furiously. "Alice! Lucky girl! Well, congratulations!"

Alice mumbled a 'thanks' under her breath before turning onto Lily. A smirk lingering on her face, "But I hear I'm not the only one who's gotten lucky…"

This time, Lily blushed furiously. She mentally scolded herself for telling so much to Alice. While Alice was trustworthy and wouldn't dare spill a secret to anyone – she wasn't skilled in the 'discreet' department.

Marlene and Emmeline laughed at Lily. "Steven? Oh Alice, we already know the woes of Lily."

Marlene mimicked a high pitched voice as she recited. "Steven is perfect! He's smart, funny, and cute… and a pretty good kisser!" She laughed hysterically near the end, causing Lily to twitch. Did she really write that? About _Steven?_

The boy who had lips that only seemed to know two places on her body? Her lips and chest? The boy who thinks it's hilarious to make jokes about Physics and science? The boy who had too long of a nose and too short of hair that made him look ten? She really used the adjectives smart, funny, cute, and good kisser?

Emmeline followed suit, "Oh Em! Steven was really sweet today! He brought me some flowers, we went for a romantic walk in the park and then we went back to his place…" Shrieks came from Emmeline as Lily slapped her playfully.

Lily could feel her cheeks stretching from the fake smiling she did and her stomach was twisting nervously. Her heart seemed to pick up the pace and her breathing felt labored, as if someone was sitting on her chest. Her brain sped dizzily as she tried to focus on the words her friends were saying.

The very name brought images of muggle homes and dinner parties and screaming kids while Lily grin and bare it. Her future, her perfect future with the love of her life.

Nodding along with her friends, she whispered, "Yeah, things are going great between him and I." And with that, she numbly pulled out the photos of her and Steven, and showed them off to her friends while her mind was somewhere else.

* * *

><p>"First years! This way!" James yelled out, as a pack of new Gryffindors followed him. Giggling and smiling, the young new faces looked awestruck at the moving paintings and shrieked when the stair cases moved under their feet.<p>

"It's nice to see how excited they are, isn't it?" Remus whispered to Lily, as they brought up the rear of the pack.

Lily stole a quick look from Remus before nodding quietly, a smile lingering on her lips from the combination of dinner and the reuniting with her friends.

"It certainly is, hard to imagine we were that small once, huh?" Lily whispered back, smiling broadly now as she eyed the small girls and boys that trailed behind James.

Remus let out a sigh. "Listen, I really wanted to talk to you about James-"

"Save your breath. That's one person I'd rather not talk about." Lily said coolly.

"Listen" Remus said harshly, as he grabbed the forearm of Lily, forcing her to face Remus.

"Let _go_ of me" hissed Lily, as she yanked her arm out of his grasp. She took a quickened pace as he followed her.

"Lily. I just want to talk to you about the fight you two had-"

"What's there to say?" Lily said, as she stopped suddenly on the stairs. She quickly glanced up as the remaining pairs of boys and girls followed James. There was no need for her to follow them any longer.

"Look, what he said to you was horrible but he's not had an easy week. I'm not going to say much more then that but there is a reason behind his out burst. Just, go easy on him, will you?"

Lily threw her head back and let out sarcastic laugher. _James_ had a bad week? What? Did mommy and daddy not give him his favorite ice cream? Did he not get the broomstick he wanted?

"So what?" Lily asked, as she continued her climb of stairs.

"Excuse me?"

"So. What. He's had a rough week, haven't we all? It's no excuse to yell at people, insult them or shout horrible names for the whole fucking train to hear-"

"I'm not excusing his actions! I'm just… trying to put things into context! He acted like a prat, I admit that, and the way he … expressed his anger was terrible-"

"Terrible?" Lily asked in a horrified. "It was awful! He told me I should be in _Slytherin_ with _Severus._ I'm not like them! He insulted my intelligence."

"I understand that Lily! Everyone thinks he was off his rocker! Look, have you ever had the most god-awful week. Where no matter what you did, you got it wrong? That you were so completely powerless to change your circumstances, that you had to watch everything, and I mean _everything,_ crash and burn at your very feet? And then, at once, there is this innocent bystander – who had absolutely nothing to do with the crash, yet, he gets the blame for just being there? Because that's the week James is having. It's a poor excuse for his actions but it's his only one." Remus said angrily, leaning against the railing as Lily stared down on him.

Lily could feel her hand tremble, and she placed it on the failing for support. She quickly glanced her head up as her eyes darted around the ceiling.

Did she know that feeling? Fuck, she was practically the _queen_ of that feeling. Yet, giving compassion to James, felt so wrong.

"_You're so compassionate – always knowing what to say, what would I do without you Lily?"_

Lily squeezed her eyes tightly, shutting out the sunny summer day, pushing out that _voice_ that followed her everywhere and reminded her of everything.

"I'll see what I can do." Lily said breathlessly. Before turning away and skipping up the stairs.

She suddenly found herself in an empty corridor, leaning against the wall, mentally cursing herself for being so… _stupid._

Compassion. That damned word, compassion.

* * *

><p>It was a sunny day, a lazy day in July. Walking hand in hand in the park nearby, passing the trees and the benches that littered the area. Lily listened carefully with every step what Steven had to say.<p>

"It's just, ridiculous what the school is demanding of me. You know? As if I had nothing else to do, they load us up with all of these pointless summer readings. When will I ever need to use analytical skills to figure out what Shakespeare was saying? It will never be a part of my future – and the fact that I have to actually take the stupid class is pointless. I mean, it's not that hard to do. It's nothing… practical like Math or science for example."

Lily nodded along, stealing quick looks of Steven. They've only been dating for a few weeks, but she liked how he had strong goals. She also liked the fact that he was… self-confident, to say the least.

"I'm sorry, I'm talking too much. But don't you agree? English and History are just a waste of time? What boring summer reading do you have to do? I don't think you've told me. " He said, turning towards her with a smile that caused Lily's stomach to do a little flip.

Well, Lily thought that Divination and Muggle Studies were pointless. But she had a strong intuition that those weren't courses offered a lot at muggle schools.

"Oh, well, I have to agree with everything you're saying." As if she read a word of Shakespeare. "But um, I don't have summer reading." Lily mumbled.

"What?"

"Uh, yeah. My school realized that it was pointless to hand out summer reading since no one did it anyways." Lily lied lamely.

Steven let out a sigh. "I wish my school was like that. You're so lucky, I wish I went to your school. Instead, I'm going to school with all of these idiots that don't know anything. I mean, I pretty much sleep in class and I get perfect grades on all of the tests, but they find everything so hard. It's… stupid."

Lily frowned, was he showing off or was he being honest? And what was she supposed to say?

"Well, that… does sound bad." Lily started. "And I can relate where you're coming from, I mean, in ch-chemistry, I seem to pick things up way better than my friends. But, you just have to work your way through it, gives you stamina, and it will ultimately make you look better when you have to apply to schools and such." Lily finished, mentally kicking herself for almost saying, 'charms' instead of 'chemistry'.

All of a sudden, Lily found herself pressed up against a tree as Steven's lips were all over hers. Complying, she opened her mouth and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Steven detached himself from her, and whispered hoarsely in her ear, "You're so compassionate – always knowing what to say, what would I do without you Lily?" Then he tugged her along the trail again and talking about which universities were right for him.

Along this walk, Lily felt a heavy as she listened to him talk, no boasted, about himself. A dead weight hung from her heart as she stared at him. She felt detached and unemotional. She felt silly for talking about these things, she felt stupid for trying to be a part of this world.

Could she really relate to this boy?

* * *

><p>"You're late."<p>

Lily sighed angrily as she approached the Head's Common Room. Of course James was going to be there on time, of course he was going to rub it in her face.

_Compassion. Compassion. Compassion. _She thought bitterly to herself, as she James through the portrait door.

The Head's Common Room was just meeting place where all of the prefects and Heads can gather and have meetings. The room had had a blazing fire, a coffee table (easily removable if anything) and couches and arm chairs littered around. Then, there were cabinets that held parchments, quills and whatever else they could possibly need for a meeting.

Lily and James awkwardly seated themselves from across one another.

"Alright, so, we just need to send off the schedules to the heads of the houses. Then, we do rounds and come back here to fill out any forms of trouble making. Any questions?" Lily said tiredly, as she started making duplicates of the schedules.

"Nope, want to borrow my owl though?" James offered.

Lily was about to make a remark about the lack of owl, before she heard a distinctive hoot and a tapping from the window. Breathing deeply through her nose, she smiled sweetly, "Thanks. That would be great."

Opening the window, Lily was pleasantly surprised to find a white, snowy owl swoop into the room. The owl stood on the arm chair and waited patiently as Lily tied the papers to its leg.

"Beautiful owl. What is it called?"

"Hedwig."

Lily wrinkled in brow as she attempted to double knot the papers. "Hedwig… the name sounds familiar…"

"It's from _Hogwarts: A History_.I didn't know what to call her, so I found the biggest book in the house, opened it to a random page, and pointed down to find the name 'Hedwig'."

"James – I hate to break it to you, but _Hogwarts: A History_ is hardly considered 'huge'" Lily said in a slightly teasing tone, a smile floated across her lips.

But James was busy tapping his feet and clenching his hands to get the joke or the smile.

"When you're eleven Lily, everything is huge." James said bitterly, not noticing the sarcasm laced in Lily's voiced.

Lily rolled her eyes as Hedwig flew off. _Fine. _She thought menacingly to herself, as she watched the owl disappear into a small dot.

"Let's go, we only have an hour tonight but I would like to get it done with." James said bossily, as he walked out the portrait hole – not waiting for Lily to catch up.

Huffing, Lily walked out of the portrait hole and made sure she went the opposite direction as James, hoping that their paths won't cross.

* * *

><p>Walking around the castle, going up and down the stairs did good for Lily. It enabled her to clear her mind and not focus on James or Steven.<p>

Though it was always nice when there were no sneaking students or weird hexes being thrown about, Lily wished that she had found someone – just so she would have the perfect excuse to yell and be nasty to someone else. However, she was out of luck and clambered through the portrait hole an hour later.

A few seconds after she collapsed into one of the arm chairs, James entered the common room only a few seconds later.

"Any trouble?" Lily asked wearily, as James plopped down opposite of her.

James scowled before answering, "No. No trouble makers but Flich had a hard time believing that I'm Head Boy and had to take me up to Dumbledore's office for verification. That took a good fifteen minutes." He leaned back before, and for a second there was only the crackling of the fire.

"You?"

Lily cracked an eye open, not even realizing that she was falling asleep. He looked just as tired as she was. He had bags under his eyes, his glasses askew, his tie was undone and his robe was falling off his shoulder.

Something thundered horribly in Lily's heart as she took this image of James in her mind. Biting her lip, she quietly said, "Nope. Quiet night."

Again, a silence filled the room. Awkward silence this time, it was obvious that they were making conversation for the sake of it. It was clear that they were tip toeing around each other to avoid another catastrophe. Lily got out of her arm chair, and mumbled a good night under her breath.

"Lily."

She turned around to where James was still sitting. An elbow was propped up on his knee, as his right hand was massaging the temples; his glasses lay on the edge of the table.

"I – I'm sorry of how I acted today. It wasn't your fault. Just been a rough few weeks." James muttered. "I swear, it won't happen again." He said earnestly.

For a split second, Lily wanted to throw the apology back into his face. Scream at him and swear at him, throw all of her anger on to him. She wanted him to know all of the hatred that was stored in her, she wanted him to realize that she was so much more then what he made her out to be.

But it was the look of _distress_ in his appearance. It was the sincerity in his voice and the nervousness in his face that snapped away her anger. And while Lily hadn't completely forgiven him for his words and actions earlier today, it was certainly a start.

"Okay." Lily said quietly, staring at James before walking numbly to the portrait door. Not realizing that James hadn't followed her and didn't return to Gryffindor rooms for hours to come.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Love it? Hate it? Review it!<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Name: **Reckless Abandonment **  
>Author: <strong>Nesma  
><strong>Disclaimer: Obviously not mine.<br>****A/N: **Huzzah for chapter 3. Tried my best to fix some of the glaring errors. Hope you enjoy it regardless.

* * *

><p>"You look tired"<p>

Lily shot Marlene the meanest, menacingly glare that she could possible muster at the early hours of seven AM. Expecting Marlene to shut up or at least stop making comments; she was annoyed by the fact that Marlene choked on her pumpkin juice and laughed hysterically afterwards.

"What, are you sick or something?" Marlene managed to gasp out during her laughs.

Lily took a piece of toast (which had strawberry jam all over it) and threw at Marlene, who ducked and the toast. Which was unfortunate since it hit the next target, Peter Pettigrew. The toast landed squarely on the side of his face, and his face was quick to reflect the utter revolt he had at having breakfast food thrown in his face.

At this, Marlene laughed harder while Emmeline and Alice giggled into their napkins, while Lily turned bright red. Gaping like a fish thrown onto land, she apologized profusely to Peter while the toast fell in a dignified manner from his face. He attempted to wipe off the jam from his robe and face, but ended up smearing the jam, creating an odd sort of blush for his face.

"Peter I'm so sorry-" Started, even standing up from her seat and walking around the end of the table to reach him. Peter was quick to retreat backwards, his hands up in defense.

"Don't worry Lily! It's no big deal, look-_Scrougify"_ At once, his robe became clean and the jam was wiped off his face. He smiled brightly towards Lily, as he took a seat next to the laughing Marlene while Lily gave him another apologetic look. After feeling secure that there was nothing more she could really do to amend the matters, she walked over to her chair. Peter eyed Marlene warily as the girl's laughter started to die down.

"Is she going to be alright?" Peter asked, reaching over to start piling his plate with food.

Lily rolled her eyes, "Of course she will be. Nothing wakes her up then giving me a hard time-"

"Heard what happened yesterday on the train with James." Peter said quickly, taking a bite out of his toast as Lily gingerly picked up her fork.

"I doubt there is anyone here who hasn't heard what happened between the pair of us." Lily said quietly, stabbing at her eggs.

"You know, I haven't _really _seen this side of him for a while now." Peter said, taking a noisy bite.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lily asked, feeling her eyebrows raised as Peter shrugged his shoulders.

"I mean, sure he tends to show off. But this anger? Hm, more likely to see it in Sirius, on account of his whole family being completely demented and all."

"Remus mentioned something might have happened…" Lily trailed, narrowing her eyes at Peter who loudly gulped down the food.

"Well. That's for me to know. But, Remus is _certainly _right. It's actually amazing that he hasn't blown up a toilet seat if I'm being completely honest." Peter said, grinning as Lily gave him a confused look.

"Ah, the mysteries of James Potter. And you're just diving in." Peter said, as if it were an inspiration that Lily was getting to know James. She wasn't sure if she should take it as a warning.

* * *

><p>"Hey, can I speak to you for a second?" Lily asked, after Professor McGonagall dismissed the 7th years from their first N.E.W.T Transfiguration class of the year. James nodded as he shoved his books in his bags and lifted the bag upon his shoulder.<p>

"You have a free period, right?" James asked and Lily nodded. "Perfect, we can go to the common room, well, our common room." James said, as the two walked silently side by side.

"So, what's this about" James asked, as they reached the common room. Dropping his bag to the ground as Lily climbed through.

"Well, it's about your anger issues." Lily said, wincing as she realized how pompous she sounded.

"Ah, so Remus _did _talk to you-" James said, a hint of smile playing on his lips. His hands stuffed into the pockets of his robe as Lily averted her gaze.

"I think he's worried-" Lily cut in gingerly, as James rolled his eyes.

"As is Peter." James said knowingly, as he wondered over to the arm chair and collapsed into the seat.

"How did you know?" Lily asked, sitting on the coffee table that was across from him. James merely shrugged, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"I mean, the bloke can hardly lie. But I'm fine, I just… I wasn't kidding when I had a rough few weeks." James said wearily, rubbing his eyes and his glasses awkwardly bumped up to his forehead.

"Anything I should know about? Anything that would get in the way of you being an amazing Head Boy?" Lily said, wringing her hands together as James eyed the fireplace.

"There's the upbeat Lily Evans." He said drily, and Lily felt her stomach tighten. And though she had a few biting words to throw at him, she realized that perhaps today wasn't the day to hurl them at him.

Instead, today was the day to make amends. There will, no doubt, be other days in which James Potter will be an arse.

"I've… I've had a bad few weeks too. I say we start over, ignore what happened on the train and try to just do our job."

"Fair enough." James said, throwing out a hand and Lily took it and shook it vigorously.

After all, there were secrets that she didn't want him to know and it seemed as if James had a few that he wanted to protect as well.

* * *

><p>Lily was wondering through her house, searching for her yellow blouse. She was certain that Petunia stole it for her 'big date' with her Vernon. Yet, parading the launder room and took a quick search in Petunia's room, she had no luck in finding yellow blouse.<p>

She quickly weighed the pros and cons of asking Petunia for the blouse, on one hand, Petunia would shriek for about a billion years and then give back the blouse; and then Petunia would give the silent treatment to compensate for her banshee like shrieks. Lily stole a glance at the clock – it was only an hour before her date with Steven.

One of her last dates with him, the day after tomorrow she was off towards Hogwarts. Away from him, her family, and her muggle friends. Yet, it was important that she looked 'pretty' for him and that she treated him 'nicely' as her mom hinted earlier that day. Lily was just off to go downstairs to see if her sister was on the phone when she heard voices coming from her mother's room.

"… And then, he blew up on me! Screaming that he was right and that he would not tolerate my attitude!" An angry snarl soon followed and Lily immediately noticed that it was the voice of her darling sister. Lily was always up to hear juicy stories about Victor.

She quietly tip toed near the room, sliding up against the wall so that her sister wouldn't see her.

"Lily! Darling, is that you? Aren't you supposed to be getting ready for Steven?" Her mom cried out as she opened the door to find Lily plastered against the wall, her lips twisted into a guilty smile.

"Yeah, but I'm looking for my-"

"Never mind, come in here, what I'm about to tell Tuney will be important for you to hear too." Her mother said quickly, as she pulled Lily into the room.

Lily awkwardly stood in the middle of the room, her arms crossed over her chest as Tuney shot nasty looks through her blood shot eyes, sniffing every so often. Lily hesitantly sat cross legged on the floor, while Tuney blew into the handkerchief she was holding.

Their mother quietly shut the door and quickly walked over to her girls as she sat on the bed with Tuney.

"You can't always be so… smart around your husband." Their mom started, as Tuney and Lily shared looks of confusion.

"Mother, what are you saying? This is the 70's! It's not exactly the 50's…"

"Believe me, your life will be easier if you just let your men win the fight. And if he is wrong, switch the argument in such a way that he gets the right answer without loosing his pride." The mother stated harshly, as she creased out the wrinkles in her dress. "It's the only way to be happy in a marriage, it's the only way to have any power in a marriage…"

"Mother! Do you even realize what you're saying? Tricking your husband is not power… that's weak. You have to be assertive. Tuney has every right to stand up to Vernon and tell him that he's wrong!" Lily barked out.

"Lily. Listen for me, for once in your stubborn life, _listen to me!_" Their mother yelled out, with such venom and volume, that the two girls did nothing but shut their mouth. The two girls stared at their mother fearfully as their mother took deep breaths and stared down at her girls.

"I've sacrificed a lot for this family. There were battles that I didn't bother fighting with your dad, there were times where I didn't voice my thoughts and changed my opinions to match your father's. It sounds horrible, I know women are getting more rights. But that doesn't change the dynamics in a marriage, a family. How many times have you two been a fight and realized it would have been better to have stayed quiet? Being in a marriage requires that you're… dominant. You have to mold to your husband's likening. And if there's children involved – then it's not about you anymore. Not even close."

Lily had a hard time taking everything in. She had a hard time believing that this was coming from her mother's mouth, and she couldn't calm her stomach from making the knots and twists; she could practically taste the bile in the back of her throat. She looked at her sister for support, but found to her horror that she was nodding along silently, as the tears streaked down her face.

"Our lives, are reduced to nothing then household chores and looking good for your husband. Your lives will be like mine, filled with dirty dishes, full diapers and plenty of dinner parties. But it all leads to the ultimate goal – a happy family. Who wouldn't want that?" The mother said calmly. A dreamy look passed her face and Lily could hardly believe that this was the women who raised her.

Lily didn't want dirty dishes, she didn't want household chores, and she didn't want to be planning out Steven's dinner parties. She wanted a life, she wanted excitement, she wanted passion, she wanted magic, she desired for everything that her mother was against. And she hardly doubt, that a 'happy family' would satisfy her. Especially if she hated her husband and was forced to look after _his _bratty kids.

"I'll call him, apologize." Petunia said weakly, as she stood from the bed, trembling as she made her way to the door. Just as she reached the doorway, she said quietly. "Your blouse is drying outside, it should be done." Then, she left the room and padded down the stairs.

Lily left the room hastily and brushed the tears from her face. Her future was thrown in front of her in surround system and crisp images. It scared her more then anything, her heart pounding and she was breathing heavily as she pulled the blouse from the drying rack and hurrying up the stairs.

Shutting her door quietly when she would have rather slammed it, she leaned over her bed as her breaths came out in wheezes. Tears prickling her eyes.

The only comfort she had, was knowing that Petunia felt the same way. At least Lily wasn't completely alone in her doomed fate.

* * *

><p>"Lily! You got mail!" Emmeline cried, as Lily walked into the room after a long day of classes. It had been a good week of school. Though, Lily noticed during the first half that her sleeping cycle was completely screwed. Hence why she was looking forward for an afternoon nap.<p>

"Hmm." Lily replied, her hand rubbing her face as she dropped her bag next to her bed. She sprawled out over her bed, legs dangling off of the side awkwardly, while she fumbled at the head of the bed for her mail.

Feeling a thick packet of the package, she groaned inwardly as she pulled the letters towards herself.

"Anything good?" Marlene asked, as she walked into the room with a towel concealing her curvy figure.

"Nope. Just stuff from the parents – nothing important." Lily said, as she dropped the letters onto the floor, too lazy to pick up her mess.

"Where were you? Heads meeting?" Emmeline asked, in a teasing tone.

Lily rolled her eyes, "Yeah, me and James were getting hot and steamy in the common room. Am I that obvious?" Lily said sarcastically, getting laughs from Emmeline and Marlene.

It had been a common joke the past few years that the Heads Common room was not only used for meetings but for the Head Boy and Girl to release some stress. Lily has heard some incredibly disturbing rumours, some of them were kinky while others were just plain weird. She doubted that her and James would play into the stereotype of being so frustrated, that they would make out with each in the common room.

"No, I was in the library though, studying for potions…"

"You're genius at potions – you don't need to study!" Marlene said, as she started to pull on a sweater.

"No! I swear, this Felix essay is going to be the death of me. It has to be four rolls of parchment and Slughorn is asking for the side affects if the potion is done wrong, and why with every ingredient. Do you know that the Felix potion can be made wrong by step one?! Ugh, it's insane, and I've only done half a parchment… I got a lot of research done though." Lily said optimistically, as she twister her body around so that she was lying on her back, staring up at her canopy.

"Where's Alice by the way?" Lily asked, as she propped herself up on her elbows, craning her neck to see over the beds, looking for the fluff of blonde hair.

"She's with Frank…" Emmeline trailed off, ending in a fit of giggles.

Lily fell back down on her bed, "Ugh! Can someone subtly tell her that I go on patrol in a half an hour and that it will be really embarrassing if I catch her and Frank…" Lily said, squeezing her eyes tightly shut as Emmeline and Marlene just laughed.

"Come on… she's not dumb." Marlene said, though she didn't sound convinced as she threw Lily a questioning look.

"You mean she's innocent? Naïve?" Lily muttered.

"Good point. And it's a fair bet that Frank has been around…" Emmeline said, taking a glance out the window. "She should be back soon, she told us she was just going to take a walk around the lake… that was an hour ago though." Emmeline muttered nervously.

It was only the first week of school, yet the romance between Frank and Alice was obvious. He sent her flowers randomly in the day, just to let her know he was thinking of her. He walked her to classes and kissed her on the cheek whenever they departed. They studied together, with actual books and parchment, and no messed up hair. They were a sweet couple to watch, they went perfectly with each other.

However, this was Alice's first _real_ boyfriend. She's had boys who trailed after her, and she knew how to flirt. But all the time, when the boys came to the actual, 'do you want to go out with me?' Alice would find some horrible feature about him and declined his offer sweetly; and then run to the girls dorm and proclaim that she must have gone crazy for ever like this or that boy.

Which lead to Alice's innocence when it came to snogging in the castle. There were a few discreet places, and then there was the glaringly obvious places, like the broom closets and abandoned classrooms.

Lily has so far avoided Alice, but she had overheard Alice talking to Marlene about the dates that go on in certain potion rooms… places which _always_ gets checked.

Closing her eyes, Lily drifted off into a cat nap. Drifting in and out of the conversation littering around her, catching her name before slipping into her seclude place in her mind, where there was only emptiness and darkness.

* * *

><p>At once, the sound of an alarm cut through Lily's cat nap. Groaning, she groggily lifted her head off of her pillow and started to make a weak attempt to tame her hair. At first, she was utterly confused as to why she had set the alarm. That was, until she realized that she had to attend tutoring and she rolled her eyes.<p>

The first week of school was always the most pointless weeks to do tutoring. First weeks were reserved for reviewing, and hardly anyone had questions on those. None the less, Lily had to get her butt down to the library in case some first year or some other student required Charms help.

After smoothing out the wrinkles in her clothes, she grabbed her bag and started to make way to the library. It was only when she saw who she was going to be tutoring with that her blood went cold and she stopped in the middle of the library.

Abigail Whittle, a petite sixth year. Abigail was easily described as a sweetheart a year ago, she was always willing to take the younger students under her wings and always provided tutoring for those who needed. Even during her off hours, she always helped the students even if she wasn't getting paid for it. She was willing to share and had a bubbly personality, she was the stereotypical Hufflepuff, at least, a year ago she was.

This year though, vicious rumours floated through the castle about Abigail's summer. Abigail had been on a missionary trip with a muggle church (her mother was a muggle while her father was a wizard) when her parents were murdered. While the muggle newspapers claimed that it was an armed robbery, nothing was stolen in the house. All that was there when the police arrived were two dead parents, a destroyed home, and a missing boy of five years old. For a month, the boy's face was plastered on every news channel and every radio station always left time on their show to discuss the missing boy.

Even _Steven _knew about the case. Not that he wished to discuss it at all. Whenever he brought up the topic he held on to this ludicrous idea that it was the parents fault that the child was missing. That he thought there were other family members at play. And he thought that Abigail had a convenient alibi. He thought a lot of things about the case that made Lily's stomach twist. He talked about the case as if it were a fascinating new object for him to gawk at, not as if it were real lives at play.

Lily never admitted to him that she knew Abigail. For the muggle newspapers claimed that she was homeschooled. There was no way that Lily's path would have crossed with hers. And despite keeping Abigail into her thoughts and prayers, it was utterly useless.

A month after the initial break in, muggle authorities found parts of his body in a badly dug grave near a river.

Lily blinked rapidly as she started at Abigail's bent head. Her hazelnut coloured quill looked as if were dancing on the piece of parchment. Lily felt her stomach twist as she started to walk towards the tutoring table.

She was unsure of what to say. There were no self-help books on this manner. No proper etiquette books that Lily could scan to find the exact lines to feed Abigail. As Lily got closer to the table, Abigail looked from her work and gave her a tired smile.

"Hello Lily." She said politely as Lily pulled up a chair.

"Hey Abigail." Lily responded. Settling into the spot, Lily started to drag up multiple books and notes. All the while, the awkward silence started to settle around the two girls.

"Congratulations by the way on Head Girl. Glad to see it was you and not Michelle." Abigail said kindly, as she turned a page in her book, her eyes still focused on the scattered notes in front of her.

"Thank you. Though I'm sure Michelle would have done a great job as well."

"Oh please." Abigail said, slapping a hand lightly in her book as she turned to face Lily. "That girl is such a stickler about rules. Once she told me off and threaten to write me up for detention because I was in the corridors 'after hours'. Even though, I was right outside the Hufflepuff's entrance _and _it was only a minute after curfew…"

Lily started to laugh. It did sound an awful lot like Michelle.

"Anyways, what are you tutoring this year?" Abigail asked, placing her quill down. Lily adjusted herself in her chair.

"Oh, charms. As usual. Should be fun." Lily said in a bored tone, heaving a sigh. "What about yourself?" Lily asked kindly.

Though Lily _loved _charms, being a tutor for the third year in a row in that course was rather dull. She mostly helped the younger years – every so often she'd help an older student but those cases were so rare. And while the first year was great fun on helping students master charms; it had lost its novelty.

"Oh, I'm tutoring in herbology. Again." Abigail said, giving Lily an understanding look. It was Abigail's second year with herbology and Lily could only imagine how quickly it took before the subject was dull to teach.

"What would you tutor if you could tutor any other subjects?"

"Oh Merlin, I don't know." Abigail said, glancing up towards the high I suppose deviation would be amusing; too bad I did so poorly on the deviation O.W.L that there is no way that anyone would ever let me near divination students. What about you?"

"Well, I would much rather do potions this year – but that just means dealing with Slughorn all the time. I honestly think he's a nice Professor but he's a little much." Lily said, smiling a bit as Abigail started to laugh.

"Oh gosh. He'd be the _worst _professor to work for! And he loves you! I'm sure he'd find an excuse to talk to you every day…" Abigail teased.

Lily laughed. "Oh, he already tries to do that! It's so frustrating. Ugh, well. Thank god it's not me tutoring."

"Who is tutoring for potions then?"

"Severus Snape." Lily answered quickly.

"Oh." Abigail said quietly, her eyebrows shooting up before she quickly bent her head over her work. Abigail cheeks reddened and Lily felt slightly mortified.

The tragic end of Lily's friendship with Severus was a public one. The entire school got to see Lily get backstabbed by one of her oldest friends. Oh, and as if a bleeding broken heart wasn't enough to deal with at the time, James had to ask her out on top of that. Lily ended up spending the rest of the afternoon in her dormitory with a plate of cookies, wonderful books, and a box full of tissues.

It was terrible. And then, all of her friends tip toed around her while trying to act that it was 'no big deal'. Then, James tried to apologize to her. Or at least, Lily _thought _that was what he was trying to do. But instead, he went into a disconcerted speech about how, if they _really _thought about it, he did Lily a massive favor. Because, without James' quick wits or hilarious jokes, they would have never been exposed to the horrific side of Severus Snape.

As if Lily was blissfully unaware of the dark path Severus was going down. As if she needed James Potter to make it that much more obvious. After James talked her ear off, and half heartily said sorry, with an awkward pat on her shoulder, Lily was quick to leave him dumbfounded in the hallway.

As Lily started to unload her books, she noticed that some of the library's patrons were being maddeningly obvious with their stares to their table. There were the young girls what were whispering at a loud volume, and boys who stared in shock. Lily squirmed in her spot as she shot the girls and boys a dirty look before they scattered away.

Abgail's head was still bent over her work, the quill moving quick across the page. And Lily realized that she must be used to this type of attention. After all, Abgail's family did make trips into Diagon Alley. And, according to the rumour mill, she was living with her magical grandparents. Who've, no doubt, been exposed to nosy witches and wizards.

"Abigail, I just want to say that I'm so sorry about your loss." Lily said quietly, glancing quickly to the side as Abigail's quill stopped moving across the page. Abigail took a deep breath through her nose.

"Thank you." Abigail whispered back.

Lily opened her mouth to say something, ask questions before shutting it quickly. What on Earth was she going to say anyways?

"You know, you can ask whatever you want." Abigail said quietly, giving Lily a small grin as Lily felt her eyebrows go up in horror.

"What? Oh no, I was just going to, eh, say something about the-" Lily scrambled for a set of words. Anything to make a coherent thought.

"No, you weren't." Abigail said sternly, and Lily felt a wave of guilt as Abigail gave her a knowing glance. "So many people walk around me as if I'm fragile and use stupid euphemisms to describe my situation." Abigail took a deep breath before adopting a cruel mocking tone. " 'Sorry for your loss.' 'Sorry for the passing away of your family.' As if saying it nicely masks the horror and terror my family has gone through the past few months."

Lily just awkwardly stared at Abigail. "I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to phrase it I just- "

"Oh, no. Lily. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up it's just… tiresome. I hate being known as the girl whose lost her entire family this summer. It's painful. It's awkward. I hate how people treat you when people in your family die." Abigail ranted, twirling her finger into her blonde hair.

"Well. You'll be at least known to the first years as the Herbology tutor. That's something?" Lily said weakly.

Abigail had a small smile on her face. "You're right. Plus, it could be worse. I could be dead as well I suppose." Abigail said lightly.

"Yeah. Things could be worse…" Lily trailed off, unsure of how to respond to such a morbid thought.

"The trail is starting soon. Hopefully some justice will be served. At least then, I can live in peace." Abigail said under her voice.

Lily nodded her head, for lack of anything else to do. "Well, if you ever want to talk about it, though I'm sure so many other people have offered, I'm always close by." Lily said lamely. Why did the words sound so odd? Was there ever a way to rephrase such a line to make it sound more sincere?

Abigail gave Lily a tired smile. How many times have she had to hear those words? It's so unfair. "Thanks."

The remainder of the tutor time was them working on their homework in silence.

* * *

><p>After tutoring, Lily promised herself that she would look into one of those dreadful bridal magazines that her sister has been sending to her on a daily bases (curse that girl and her unbelievable knowledge of wizarding mail).<p>

She decided to do it in the Head's common room. It will be relaxing, she told herself. The room would be vacant and so she could spread the magazines out in a pretty semi-circle in front of the fire. It would a picturesque image of serenity. Plus, Lily brought along some hot chocolate and a flask to spike the drink (as if she could honestly look at bridal magazines without the aid of alcohol).

Lily was able to spread the magazines exactly how she wanted. She sat cross legged in front of them and pulled her mug of hot chocolate closer to her. As if worried that someone would sneak in, she took a quick peak over her shoulders before pulling out her flask. She let a steady stream of the liquid fall into her hot chocolate. The smell of the mixed drink brought a small smile to her face as she tucked the flask back into her back.

She then pulled the letter from Petunia. It had a long list about things that Lily needed to look out for, duties that Lily needed to keep in the back of her mind. Her mission today was to figure out what all the bridesmaids should wear. Which meant, that Lily would pawn through the magazines and pick styles and colors she felt were appropriate for everyone in the troupe and sending said list back to Petunia to approve or disapprove (more likely the later).

And Lily was diligent about the duty at first. She immediately discarded empire waisted dresses (they looked horrendous on Lily) and dismissed all red and pink dresses (they clashed horribly with Lily's hair and all of Petunia's choices just looked _weird_). She did pull out all the yellow and green dresses (they would look nice for everyone). Hell, even some of the purple and blue ones didn't look _too _bad. She was careful to make sure that the styles she picked out didn't outdo her sister's wedding dress (it was dreadfully plain).

But every time she wrote in the margins of the magazines and folded the pages down for her sister to see; she could not get Abigail's face or voice out of her head. It seemed so wrong to plan a bloody wedding when other people had to plan funerals. Funerals for younger brothers and parents. And at the age of sixteen… it was wrong.

It didn't help that in one of the first few magazines her mom had bent a few pages down for 'Lily to keep in mind for her own special day'. That honestly made her nauseous and it certainly wasn't the drink that was causing such effect. As if Lily wanted to help plan Petunia's wedding, she sure as hell didn't want to plan her own. It was as if her mother wanted to punish Lily.

So, Lily made a game out of it. Every time she found an offensive note from her mother she took a sip in honor. It didn't take long for Lily to finish her drink and the contents of her flask. Granted, her stuff wasn't strong but it was enough for Lily to become a slight klutz with a nice tint of red on her cheeks. All of which was manageable.

That was, until James came waltzing in onto what must have been the most bizarre scene of his life.

"Erm. Lily?" He asked hesitantly, taking in the magazines, the empty mug, and a Lily Evans who was sprawled out on her stomach. Her hands turning a bridal magazine absent mildly while her flask was sitting next to her like a good friend.

"Wedding planning. Not my own. My sister's." She mumbled. James inched forward, dropping his bag near the couch before advancing towards Lily. He stopped awkwardly in front of her before sitting down perpendicular to Lily.

"Right… well, maybe this could be done without this? I mean, I know its way past noon and well into the evening but don't you think it's a tad early for the Head Girl to start drinking?" James said gingerly picked up the flask, bringing it to his nose to smell the contents.

"Don't worry. Nothing strong. Just some Bailey's." Lily said, pushing herself up into an upright sitting position. James just gave her a quizzical look.

"You put Bailey's in a flask?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Lily. Who the hell puts Bailey's in a flask?"

"I do?"

"Yeah… I noticed… but that's wrong. Just. Wrong. This stuff is weak! A flask is meant to hold serious liquor like vodka or fire whiskey that you just drink straight from the flask to prove your strength against alcohol." James said in a deeper voice than usual, causing Lily to giggle.

"Merlin's beard. Don't tell me you're that much of a lightweight." James said worriedly as he sat down next to Lily.

Lily just laughed. "Of course not! Just slightly tipsy. It'll wear off within an hour and a half. And I'll stay up here so that no student will see me in this disgraced state."

James just huffed. "Lily. This is hardly a disgraced state. In fact I bet you could get away with this…"

"Nice try. No way I'm walking around the castle like this." Lily said with a smile.

"Well, then, do want to explain this Bailey's drinking to me? Should I be concerned?" James edged on carefully.

Lily narrowed her eyes at him. Honestly. As if she was alcoholic. "You just said that Bailey's was a harmless drink!"

"True. But this scene is slightly confusing…" James said exasperatedly.

"Oh, Lily Evans doesn't drink?" Lily shot back, annoyed that such a prudish image of herself was present in both the muggle _and _wizarding world.

James rolled his eyes. "Lily, I've seen you play exploding snaps pong. And stumbling about afterwards explaining to me why you are the best exploding snaps pong player _ever. _Obviously you drink. I guess I've always seen you drink at parties… not such a casual drinker in my mind." James said calmly, shrugging his shoulders.

Lily took a deep breath. "I had my first tutoring session today. I'm working with Abigail." She said quietly.

At once James understood. His hand immediately went towards his hair where he started ruffling it into a bigger mess then it already was. "Oh Merline. How's she doing?"

Lily shrugged. "Best she can I guess. I don't know it was just… Merlin, how do you even deal what she's been through and still come to school willing to help students out and be friendly and understanding?"

"She's in Hufflepuff." James mumbled, eyes darting to the floor.

"Still. And then, I came back here to help plan my sister's wedding and it just seemed _wrong. _How can I even think about planning this stupid party when there's a war going on?"

"We shouldn't let that interfere with our lives. We shouldn't let them take away everything Lily." James said quietly.

Lily took a deep breath. "I know. I also don't want to plan this stupid wedding." Lily whined, her hand slapping the magazine closest to her.

"Why not? Weddings are fun! And your sister wouldn't have picked you to help plan if she didn't think you would be able to do a good job!" James said as he grabbed one of the magazines (messing up the pretty semi-circle) and started to go through it. A frown starting to form as he realized that there were clearly pretty _and _ugly dresses.

Lily just snorted. "Petunia picked me because my mom made her to. Plus, it's easier to be a complete controlling bridezilla when her maid of honor is miles and miles away from her." Lily said bitterly as she started to close and pack up the magazines.

"Maybe. Maybe not." James said absent mindly. "Also, what on Earth is this?" James asked as he flipped to a page in the magazine he was holding.

Lily looked up to see that it was on one of the bride's maid dresses. She instantly blushed at the sight in front of her. It wasn't scandalous, just… a tad embarrassing.

At the height of her drinking, Lily may have taken upon herself to doodle on the dresses that she disliked as a way of really showing Petunia what dresses not to pick. She may have placed a charm or two to make her doodles move around.

The particular doodling that James found was one of her more artistic ones. The dress was in red satin and it had sleeves. And sad, pathetic looking sleeves as Lily annotated on the page. Furthermore, it was an empire cut. It also had a weird flower or heart décor on the belt and it just looked unbelievably tacky.

Though Lily would have ignored it, her sister had written in all caps a 'YES' by the dress. Lily could not let this pass.

So she may have drawn some devil horns on the girl and some moving flames in the background. There was also a tail coming out of the dress. To top it off, Lily had circled everything that was hideous about the dress and written in perfectly miniature script why said thing was so offensive about the dress. While Lily liked to think of said comments as constructive comments; most of them contained some version of 'butt ugly' and 'are you serious?' and 'I'd rather go naked then wear this stupid sod of a dress'.

It may not have been the most appropriate thing to do considering that it was one of Petunia's top choice.

"Erm… I really don't like the dress?" Lily offered lamely, shrugging her shoulder while James burst out laughing.

"It will look so ugly on me! And it's such a terrible dress! Surely you agree!"

"Oh come off it! It's not that bad! Though, if you find it terrible, I would love to see you standing butt naked… " James said in a teasing tone as Lily grabbed the magazine out of his hands.

"Petunia would _die _if I ever did that. You know what she told me when I asked her how she envisioned her wedding? Normal. Simple. Plain." Lily said incredulously, stuffing the magazines into her bag. "Who the _hell _describes their dream wedding as 'normal.'?"

James nodded along. "Fair point. Though… what is a normal wedding? What's a normal muggle wedding?"

"I have no idea! Everyone I know wants an extravagant wedding or a simple elegant wedding. No one has ever wanted a 'normal' wedding." Lily said with disgust.

"No, I mean, what does a muggle wedding look like? What are the outfits and the procedures? I've never been to one, you see." James said, leaning back on his hands as Lily realized what his question was really about.

"Well." Lily said, crossing her arms as she started to think how to explain the concept of a muggle wedding to someone.

"Well, the bride nearly always wears white. And the man always wears a tux of some sort." Lily said, grabbing one of the magazines and flickering through it until she found a photo spread of one of a particularly gorgeous wedding. She pushed the magazine forward to James to see.

"And then, they usually go in front of a priest-"

"Oh, I know those." James said, as he stared down on the photo as Lily smiled a bit.

"Right, well, they go in front of a priest and repeat a lot of things he says, they say their vows, and then they are proclaimed husband and wife. Though, to be fair, sometimes normal folks can get ordained as a minister to marry their friends."

"I like that. Having a close friend marry you. It's a nice image." James said, grinning to himself as he flicked through the pages of the magazine.

"Have you ever been by any chance to a wizarding wedding?" James asked her, shutting the magazine close as he reached the last page.

"Nope. Never got the chance. What are they like?" Lily asked, relaxing he stance by leaning back on her arms.

"Well… for starters, the men wear really nice dress robes. The women either wear dress robes or a wedding dress like muggles. Though the bridesmaids tend to wear dress robes over dresses."

"What about the ceremony itself?"

"Well, I've only been to a few when I was younger, but it's kind of like casting an unbreakable vow? There's still the gold circles when they say 'I do' but not as binding as a vow." James said thoughtfully. Clearly searching through his memories to gather any information he had on wizarding wedding.

"Sounds like it would be pretty." Lily commented, giving James a small smile.

"It is." James agreed.

Then there was the dreaded silence. Lily's eyes darted around while she tucked a non-existent strand of hair behind her ears. And James ruffled his hair for the second time.

"Well, glad to know that you're not a raging alcoholic." James said awkwardly as Lily just gave him an odd look.

"Yup…" Lily trailed off.

"I'm going to take off. Where should we meet tonight for rounds?" James asked her as he stood up and gathered his bag.

"Oh. Why not here? And… what were you doing coming here if you had to dash so quickly?" Lily asked.

It was James' turn to blush. "Oh, I was hoping to get some homework done, but I don't want to disturb you if you're working…"

"Nonsense. Just stay. I may take a nap and I may snore but I'm sure that's not anything you can't handle." Lily said genuinely.

What was wrong with her? Since when was she okay with James in the room as she took a _second _nap of the day? And did she _really _need to tell him that she snored? As if were a cute little quirk.

James shuffled from foot to foot, clearly having the same thoughts as Lily.

"Alright then. I'll just work in this armchair." James said, pointing to the arm chair closest to the fire.

"Alright then. I'm taking a nap on that couch." Lily said, getting up and pointing to the couch across from the arm chair James was working in.

He just smiled as they both settled to their respective places.

* * *

><p>Them awkwardly meeting each other in the Head's Common Room became a frequent encounter. Though Lily was never caught with her flask, she did often go in there for a cat nap. Her sleeping schedule was simply a mess. And James tended to like the silence that the room provided to do his homework. They made an excellent team within the common room. Lily would often do some work before taking a nap. James would wake her up.<p>

It would seem that the relationship between the two was starting to form.

* * *

><p>A few weeks later, and quite a few naps later, Lily felt herself being woken up gently by Marlene. Who had oddly volunteered to be Lily's alarm clock. Most likely due to the fact that she <em>hated <em>how the alarm clock would pierce through the air when she was trying to concentrate on the latest homework assignemnt.

"Lily – come on, you have rounds now."

A muffled moan came from Lily, as she stretched her arms and legs out lazily before cracking an eye up to Marlene, who was hovering over her with a soft expression. Lily brought her watch to her face, which told her that she had five minutes to meet James down at the Head's common room.

Letting out a groan, before pulling herself up in to a sitting position. She drew little shapes with her feet, subtly kicking her letters under her bed, as she took deep breathes in hopes to wake herself up.

She briefly stopped at one of the mirrors, and tugged her tangled hair into a low bun to her side, and wiping off the eyeliner and mascara from under her eyes.

Walking slowly down the stairs, she already caught sight of James waiting at the portrait hole.

Things have been awkward with them. They held small talk with each other before rounds, albeit a bit forced. Then, at meetings, they would each send letters and memos, each claiming that they were so 'busy' that they couldn't take a few minutes to settle something out in person.

"You made it. You had me worried there Lily." James said, with a tight smile.

"Almost slept through it." Lily said tiredly, giving James a smile.

"Oh Lily! How could you? You would miss on the exciting, reverting fun that takes place in these corridors!" James said sarcastically, as they walked out through the portrait hole, Lily laughing.

"I'll take the bottom and you take the top?"

Lily felt a wave of relief, "Yeah, that sounds great." Nodding a little enthusiastically. A silence hung in the air as they both looked at each other, looking around, waiting a few seconds too long to see if the other would say something.

James took off, going down the stairs, while Lily parted the opposite direction, knowing that their paths won't cross tonight.

* * *

><p>Lily tumbled through the portrait hole and wasn't surprised to find that James wasn't here yet. Wondering over to her favorite arm chair, she picked up a forum that were titled, 'INCIDENT REPORT'.<p>

Throwing the parchment on the coffee table, she scooted the arm chair closer as she began to fill in the blanks. Just as she finished listing the two names of the people involved, James came into the room, hastily stuffing some parchment in his pocket.

Lily looked in bewilderment, her mouth slightly opened, as James picked up not one, not two but seven 'INCIDENT REPORT' forums. Whistling slightly, he wandered over to the armchair across from her and started to scribble away.

James quickly looked up, caught Lily's glance before looking around him.

"How…" Lily trailed off, her fingers pulling her hair back.

"Oh, I dunno, it's Friday night – date night I guess. A lot of stupid fifth years were down in the lower corridors…" James trailed off, a slight blush blossomed on his cheeks.

"Only fifth years?" Lily said as nonchalant as she could, as she paid extra special attention to how her dots and crosses were made.

"There was one seventh year pair…" James trailed off, in which Lily's hands immediately flew to her face as an angry groan slipped her mouth. Her own cheeks were flushed, she had the horrible habit of getting embarrassed for people.

"Stupid! I _told _her not to go there!" Lily mumbled in her hands, while James let out a hearty laugh.

"Come off it Lily, it was _bound_ to happen eventually. They're so flamboyant about their relationship as it is – you know they break the rules a lot when they say 'good bye' to each other or even a hello is a little sick to watch…" James said, with a slight disgust in his voice.

Lily took a deep breath and pulled her hands away from her face. She bit her bottom lip as her mouth was pulled down a bit. She had no words to defend Alice.

"Yeah, it's certainly awkward when he's there." She said, her eyes catching James as they shared a smile, before getting back to their forms.

"It's cute actually. They're still in that puppy-love stage." Lily blurted, not knowing why she was talking.

"Is this a muggle expression?" James asked testily as Lily heard the angry scratches of a quill against parchment.

Lily let out a laugh, "You've never heard that before? Puppy love?"

"No, but I have heard of 'like a nuffler's curiosity' and 'as quick as owl' or- "

"It's like the honey moon stage, where all they see is the good side of each other. Everything is new and they're still learning about each other, they're blinded by each other – it's puppy love." Lily explained in a rush, her hands making odd gestures while James looked at her with curiosity.

"It's cute." Lily continued, smiling, while James continued to stare at her.

What the _fuck, _was she doing? Blabbering her mouth as if he was unaware. Where was her brain, she could've sworn that her brain was connected to her mouth to say reasonable things… not this awkward spew though. Lily thought miserably to herself, as she quickly went back to writing her one incident report, while James was writing up _seven._

"How did you get so many?" Lily blurted out, mentally cursing herself as James looked up at her. He smiled at her, "I wasn't aware that it was a competition."

Lily blushed, "Seven though, how…"

"I know where to look." James hinted, as he was busy with his second report. Lily nodded, looking down at her own report and finishing it off quickly.

James was still scratching away when Lily finished. She laid back on her chair, as she closed her eyes slowly, hoping that James will be done with his reports soon.

"Tired?" James asked quietly.

"No shit Sherlock" Lily muttered back, while snuggling into the arm chair.

Lily snapped her eyes open, James was still writing away. To her delight, he was on the third one. His brow was furrowed and his glasses were slipping to the edge of his nose. Lily's eyes studied his face before reaching the form, it was full of chicken scratches and ink blots.

"Wow, isn't some one moody." James shot back, his quill streaking across the parchment hurriedly.

"I just spent my entire afternoon in the library, looking up a god damn potion that I have no intention of ever brewing, I didn't sleep last night and I had to spend this night patrolling the halls. So yeah, I am tired." Lily snapped back, her anger making her alert for this argument. Her anger, which was so close to the edge these days, always seemed to come about whenever she was near James.

"Well relax sleeping beauty, I've just finished the last form." James said nastily, as he gathered the papers from the table just as Hedwig arrived.

Lily shifted uncomfortably in her seat. The nights always seemed to end like this. There was always jokes and kindness at the start, and then some argument or sly insults would make it's way into the conversation. Then, at the next shift – they would start off nice to each other because neither one wanted to acknowledge their faults to other.

"Night." James said gruffly, as he marched out of the portrait hole. Not waiting for her to lift herself out of the chair.

* * *

><p>It was Saturday. Yet, at six AM, Lily found herself wide awake, staring up at her canopy.<p>

Looking around her, she saw Alice sleeping soundly, Emmeline huddled up in her sheets, and Marlene snoring softly. Lily let out a sigh as she sat up in her bed. Her sheets were falling off, the top cover was bundled like a ball on and Lily's legs were tangled in the last few sheets.

Lily rubbed her eyes, as her feet blindly searched for her sandals, making contact with the cool wood floor forced Lily to peek with one eye to located where her sandals were. Pulling her robe from the floor, Lily wrapped herself with it, she kneeled under the floor to find a bundle of parchment from under her bed.

Taking a glance behind her, she quickly snatched her ink bottle, parchment, and letters, and quietly made it out of her dorm room.

Paddling softly down the stairs, she was quick to notice that no one was in the common room. Lily was about to sit down on one of the arm chairs when she heard a ruffle from the boys stair cases.

Lily sighed angrily to herself when she saw James walking out in scarlet and gold robes. His broomstick was over one shoulder and his hair was an utter mess.

"Morning." Lily said quietly, her supplies resting on the top of the arm chairs.

"Morning." James said, just as quietly.

"Try outs?" Lily asked timidly, taking in his Quidditch uniforms and the dirty sneakers he wore.

James nodded quickly. "Awfully early, don't you think?" Lily asked questioningly.

"You're up." James shot accusingly, as if her early morning habits were something to be ashamed of.

"I couldn't sleep." Lily replied quickly, a tone of menace lacing her words.

"Neither could I." James said, his eyes darting down to the floor, while Lily looked over at the fire place, licking her lips as she tried to figure out how to successful exit this awkward conversation.

"Qudditch try outs starts at eight – I thought I would get a quick flight in or breakfast." James mumbled, his hands going to the back of his head while Lily nodded.

"Right." Lily said lamely, shuffling the supplies in her hand, hoping that he would go soon.

"You should come." James said quickly.

"What?" Lily turned her head sharply, not sure if her ears heard correctly.

The past three weeks have been littered with bickers, fights, and insults. When they exchange a kind word or two, it's to make up for the nasty ones thrown at each other earlier – or even later. They weren't friends, or enemies, or acquaintances. They were somewhere in between all of those levels, where though, Lily had no idea.

"Come to the try outs. It's an open event, it'll be fun." James heaved a sigh and shifted his broomstick to his other shoulder. "Come on Lily. I've seen you working, you're completely stressed out – having a little bit of fun can actually help."

Lily nodded, starting down at the ink bottle before looking up to James. "I'll… see. I can probably come, I just need to start and finish a letter before I do though."

James laughed as he walked towards the door, "I hardly doubt that the letter will take you two hours! I'll see you around Lily." He cried out, as he shut the portrait door behind him.

_You have no idea._ Lily thought miserably to herself, as she gathered her things and headed towards the common room; hoping to find some peace and quiet to silence the thoughts that swirled around her head.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Love it? Hate it? Review it! <strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** Reckless Abandonment  
><strong>Author:<strong> Nesma  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> Not Mine.  
><strong>AN:** Remember how claimed I wrote this fic years ago? That's still very true. I wrote this when I was a teenager and there were scenes in this particular chapter that made me cringe. Not because of the writing, but my perception of what was 'sexy' and 'romantic' was very off. While I understood why I wrote a particular scene the way I did, I didn't feel comfortable posting this chapter in its original format. Also, fair warning, this story has just been made into M. I thought I could get away with the T rating but that's not the case anymore. This chapter is the sole reason why the M rating was in place. If sexy scenes are not your cup of tea, I get it, feel free to skip this chapter. Or the majority of it. I hope you enjoy the chapter.

Also, the next chapter may not come out for a while. I realized that there were some flow problems to it that I didn't like. So, I'll be taking time to add scenes to make sure that it makes sense.

* * *

><p>"Did you see the film last night? It was brilliant!" Julie asked in a giddy fashion, as Mark slung his arms around her shoulders, beaming widely at Julie. Julie laughed a bit, covering her mouth with her hand as she stared expectantly across the table.<p>

Lily and Steven exchanged tight smiles. Lily's arms were crossed over her chest, as her eyes were cast downwards. It was blazing hot day and the pool was tempting, but the couples were stuck inside one of the small restaurants that filled the streets. It was most likely the world's most awkward double date ever.

"No. I didn't – I had some things to do." Steven said condescendingly. His hands folded in his lap as he threw a quick look at Lily, communicating perfectly his dislike.

Julie wanted to double date, and Lily thought it would be a fun idea. So there they were, in this little restaurant where they've already eaten their food and were now just waiting for the bill.

While Julie seemed oblivious to the dirty looks that Steven was throwing, Mark was perfectly aware and was trying to whisper something into Julie's ear. Of course, she kept on shaking her head and muttering, 'Not now.' Julie was always one to look on the bright side, the glass half full type of people. It was no surprise to Lily that she was trying to view this date on a positive spin.

And for a while, at the start of the meal, it _had _been going well. They all ordered their sandwiches with chips, they all commented on how delicious the menu was. They even had a pleasant conversation about the weather. They talked about their past escapades throughout the summer. It was only when they had ventured into topics about what they were going to do in the future, plans for the rest of week, and school work did the date start to go horribly wrong.

Steven felt the need to brag in a haughty fashion about the heavy coursework that he was doing next year. He explained in extreme detail his study regime for the summer to ensure that he was prepared for the upcoming school year. Even Lily felt her stomach twist in guilt as she realized that she had hardly put in the effort to study for her N.E. for next year. And this type of conversation made Lily angry, furious at him for thinking that everyone cared about this subject manner and frustrated that she actually felt _competitive _against him.

Lily stared angrily at the waitress who was just dazing off. Fuck. She didn't want to be here, it wasn't _her_ idea of fun, and why the hell is Steven just acting like a prick? She knew he didn't condone of Julie – but to make a face like that? It's his mate's girlfriend for Merlin's sake! Couldn't he be a bit more easy going and a lot less formal? Did he truly feel the need to prance around like a prize winning show animal?

Looking around again, Lily spotted the waitress slowly making her way across the restaurant with a jug of water. Not a hint of the bill in her pockets or in her hand. Though, she was making a beeline for the other table in the restaurant. Lily looked back at the table as she took some deep breathes in, feeling her hands clench in fists. Then, at the corner of her eye, she noticed the waitress just passing Steven…

Water spilled all over him, his hair, face, and pants were soaking while the waitress was sputtering wildly. Lily quickly darted out of her chair as she noticed the watering jug had snapped cleanly in two, releasing the water it contained all over Steven. Horrified, Lily covered her mouth with her hand.

Because Lily knew that water jugs don't naturally split in half. They only do that when they're around emotional teenage witches who haven't learned how to exactly control their anger when it gets close to the edge.

"I'm so sorry!" The waitress cried shrilly, as she picked up half of the jug off of the floor and placed the two halves on a table behind her. She pulled out a rag from her pocket as she offered it to Steven, who snatched it savagely away from her – dabbing at the wet spots.

"Can we just get the check?" Mark asked quickly, noticing the angry red blotches on Steven's face as Lily went to shock.

Magic. Underage magic. Without a wand she was clear, she couldn't get in trouble since emotions tend to act in radical ways. But it still made her stomach weigh in guilt as Steven slammed the money he owed on the table as the manager was apologizing sweetly to the table while throwing nasty looks at the waitress, who just stood bubbling on the side, pulling out napkins and additional towels to clean up the mess.

As all four of them walked out, Lily paused at the door an turned around. She saw the manger screaming at the poor girl as she hung her head low. Looking at Steven, who was speed walking, Lily snuck another look back to see the waitress pulling off her apron, giving it to the manager, and walking towards the back where she disappeared from sight. The high ponytail was swinging as she moved to the backroom.

Lily turned her head around, as full fledge guilt rammed into her by surprise. The waitress was out of a job because of her, because of her _freakish_ ways that made everything so much more complicated then they were.

All Lily could think about is what that girl will have to do. That girl and her future, if it's bright or not, or filled with waitresses jobs that kept getting snatched from her because witches and wizards who can't control their emotions. Perhaps Petunia was right about her freakish ways.

"What a fucking idiot – as if the jug snapped in two!" Steven snarled, as Lily just realized that he had been venting the entire time, his hands ridged as he kept making various motions. Lily nodded her head along, stuffing her own hands in her pocket. Hoping that the conversation would soon pass.

"Well, it sure looked like it…" Julie said nervously, as she shot a look at Lily, her eyebrows were knitted in concern way and Lily knew she was trying to find a way to save the waitress. At least one of them was trying to be the hero.

Steven just rolled his eyes, "Julie, things don't just snap in half. I bet she broke the jug over my head or something, just because-" Steven muttered angrily, his eyes rolling as Mark's frown deepened, and Lily realized she could see the teeth he was baring underneath his snarl.

"Just drop it Steven! It was just water, nothing big. Look, I have to take Julie home – but I'll see you tonight, right?" Mark asked quickly. Steven gave a curt nod in his direction before the two couples split off.

Lily took a deep breath as she looked over her shoulder to see that Mark was quick to tug and Julie's hand. Julie immediately bumped into him, resting her shoulder on his before she moved a bit way from him. Their fingers were interlocked as the moved down the street. Lily snuck a look at Steven whose own hands were balled into his pockets. He was muttering a bit under his breath and his nostrils kept on flaring. Lily felt completely at a loss of what to do in the moment.

"You alright? I bet it was annoying-" Lily started, her hand reaching for his shoulder. She thought it would be a comforting gesture. Instead, Steven shuffled away from her touch as if he knew that she was the cause.

Lily had to remind herself not to be a completely paranoid.

"I'm fine!" He snapped angrily at her and Lily shut up. Lily bit her bottom lip, shoving her own hands back into her pockets, her eyes staring down at the sidewalk, hoping that his anger would dissipate. After a few minutes, Steven stopped in front of his house. Lily followed his lead. He turned around to face her and he took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry. That was really rude of me." Steven said quietly, his eyes staring down a bit before moving up to meet Lily's gaze.

"It's alright." Lily said, smiling up at his face as he sheepishly grinned down at her. Leaning down, he gave her a soft kiss, Lily was about to respond when he pulled away quickly. "Not here." He muttered, as if it was _Lily _who started the kiss.

Lily pulled at his hands, a glint in her eye as he smiled down at her. Steven quickly bounced up the stairs and Lily nearly giggled, hoping that she could just live in the moment. Steven produced a key and pushed the door open. After yelling for his parents, and quickly realizing that they were still _gone _from their errands or trip, he tugged on Lily's hand as they walked down to the living room where the couch laid.

Steven wrapped his arm around her waist and stared down eagerly at Lily. He tighten his grip around her, pulling her closer to him. Lips attached, Lily wrapped her arms around his neck as she stood on her tip toes to gain better access to his mouth. Steven opened his eyes to stare down, detaching his self from her lips he muttered, "We can't have that now…" he said huskily, his lids hooded as his hands wandered over her lower back.

Lily smiled shyly to herself, feeling her heart beat in excitement as they stumbled over to the couch. Both intoxicated with one another, though, Lily had the idea to escape from Steven's grip and to shove him onto the couch. Steven obliged, his own mouth turning into a smirk as he leaned forward on the seat as Lily stared down at him. She took her time to straddle his hips, and then she took hold of his head and laid a kiss on his lips. Deepening the kiss by prodding her tongue into his mouth, his hands wondered down her back and he boldly stuck his hands down the back of her pants. Lily bucked her pelvis into his, enjoying the gasp that escaped his lips as he scooted to cause a little more friction.

Lily let out a soft moan that drove him crazy, his hands disappeared from her back side and quickly slipped under her shirt and covering her breasts. She arched her back as his mouth left hers and went for her neck, nibbling softly.

Eager, Lily shifted her pelvis and her breaths turned into pants as she noticed him thrusting back. Lily pulled his face from her neck to her mouth, her hands going straight to his hair where they were short and silky, soft to touch.

Their mouths were hot and their tongues were battling out. Her hands were trailing down his neck as his hands roughly grabbed her lower back and pushed her further into him. Wanting to cause the friction, start the excitement and the panting, Lily sneaked her hands down the front of shirt. She enjoyed feeling his skin against her hands, she enjoyed tracing over his heart and felt utterly excited once she reached the front of his pants. Though, she did pause, realizing that they were never as bold as before to go this far. There was no real conversation. The only one they had was the fact that they would be potentially open to sleeping with one another towards the end of the summer.

Lily wasn't sure if this was the end of the summer or not yet.

At once, Steven dislodged himself from her, his eyes were dark and hooded. His hands resting on her backside. His eyes flickered over her as Lily felt herself grinning.

"Do you want me to?" Lily asked, nervous yet excited.

He gulped as he looked down to where her hands laid, "Yes, please." He said eagerly, as his mouth reattached itself to her neck.

And it was the way he said 'please' that shook Lily a bit back to reality. As if this was a formal affair. It brought her a bit back to the surroundings that she was on a couch, with her boyfriend. The boyfriend that could hardly survive a double date because he felt the need to be condescending. That he found _her _friends loud and rude while he felt he was clearly above the rest of them. Lily was never sure why the please made her so aware of the situation as it did, but it certainly was enough to make her pause a second longer than she anticipated.

"Here" He said, pushing her off his lap and getting up. He pulled a blanket out from the couch as Lily watched him nervously, he laid the blanket on the floor and sat down on it, looking up at Lily expectantly.

Lily lowered herself down, sitting across from him. She instantly reached over and started to kiss him, trying to get the spark, trying to rid herself of her guilty conscious. But the scene with the waitress kept coming up, and she _really _didn't want to think of that in this particular moment.

They laid down on their side, each shifting awkwardly so that one arm doesn't get smashed or laid on. He moved closer to her, pressing his pelvis against hers and Lily was reminded of exactly what she wanted to do with him. After all, she did want to enjoy this aspect with him.

Lily's hand undid the top button of his bands, and pulled the zipper down. Not even looking, closing her eyes tightly while her mouth was on his, she plunged her hand down his boxers, feeling where the hair ended.

She felt self-aware all of a sudden, as she gripped _him_, moving her hand up and down, Steven's mouth went off of hers and on her neck. Moving her hand faster, he bucked against her hand and his tongue was lazily pressing against her neck.

Lily looked down on him, his eyes were closed and his face contorted. He let a few whimpers and his pants were loud against her ears. Closing her eyes and pressing her face against his neck, she let her hand keep on pumping as she kept wondering if this was it as far as heated moments go.

"You can stop now" He whispered, as he put his mouth over hers, shifting her a bit so that he was on top of her. Lily, gladly complying yet confused, kissed him back – her hand retreated from his pants and onto this back. He gently pressed his pelvis against hers which caused her to grin into the kiss, her brain temporarily turning off as she pushed her pelvis against him.

_Fuck. _She was eager, desiring more of the friction she kept pushing against him. Her knickers getting wet but she didn't care, she didn't mind that she was here with Steven. Suddenly images of them doing _it _filled her mind and she found herself getting excited with the prospect.

Because she could easily imagine him discarding her clothes. She could see herself pulling down his pants. And to her, there was nothing hotter than that.

She felt him shift his body, taking advantage, she pushed him on his back as she straddled him again. Bucking her hips once and twice, catching her own breaths as he moaned. Leaning over him, Lily kissed him feverishly, wondering where the date would lead them.

And suddenly, his hands were at the waist band of her pants. His hand was hot against her belly, he pulled his mouth away from hers and she was ashamed that she was practically panting.

"Do you want me to?" He asked.

Lily nodded. "Yes." She whispered, aware that she was practically panting with desire as his hands paused on her stomach.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to say yes because you're too aroused to make a logical decision…" He said in a quite normal tone, as if he were above being aroused or lustful. And Lily groaned in frustration.

"Yes." She whispered again, and Steven was quick to undo her pants and to stick his hands down her knickers.

In that particular moment, Lily wished it was mandatory for every male to understand the anatomy of a women. To really get that there were multiple ways of pleasing women that did not involve going straight towards the main attraction.

Lily hissed suddenly as she felt his fingers pump in and out of her. Though she wanted it to feel good, it felt slightly painful. She tried shifting her hips a bit, but he took it that she liked and pumped in and out of her a bit faster.

"Stop. It hurts." Lily whispered, and was pleased that he complied. His hands darted out of her pants and went straight to her lower back. Lily was quick to throw a leg around his waist, and pushing her pelvis against his, realizing that it did produce the spark that she was so craving. Steven, in turn, seemed to enjoy this particular movement as well as his breathes became ragged.

Unfortunately, it was then that they started to hear the tell-tale signs that the parents were coming back to the house. At once, the two stared in each other in horror and quickly started pull up their zippers and smooth their hair. Pushing away from one another, Lily jumped to the couch as Steven hastily folded the blanket and threw it over the arm of the couch. Steven threw a quick look towards the stairs before reaching over to turn on the TV, his fingers working furiously at the dial before it came to normal channel for them to be watching.

Lily was pulling her hair back into a ponytail, hoping that it wasn't completely obvious in what position she was on the floor. Steven sat down next to her, and placed his arm over her shoulder, his head resting on her shoulder. Soon, they heard footsteps down the stairs, and Steven's mother poked her head in.

"Hello! Just came in and wanted to make sure everything is okay." The mother said, grinning widely before turning to glance at the TV. Once satisfied at the scene, the mother turned on her heel and walked up the steps slowly.

M*A*S*H was on TV, and Lily was staring at it while her stomach twisted and turned. Steven's mouth was suddenly nibbling on her ear. "That was fun, we should watch M*A*S*H more often." He said jokingly, as he pulled his head away from her shoulder.

Lily smiled and nodded. "It was a fun day." Lily said, smiling a bit to herself (it felt sort of forced, but she was sure that was normal) as Steven grinned happily at her. "I know! I mean, the double date part was really awkward…" Steven rambled, even laughing to himself as Lily's grin fell off her face.

"Why?" She asked, biting a bit down on her tongue as Steven glanced around the room, as if hoping to find the right words to explain his exact thoughts.

"Well, Julie just kept talking and I know she's your friend but, she says some really stupid things. I mean, I was just sitting there thinking, 'What the _hell_ do you do with your life?' She's so… shallow. No offense or anything." Steven said, patting Lily on the shoulder, as if he merely pointed out a minor mistake rather than insulting one of Lily's oldest friends.

Lily's blood boiled. While Julie could be shallow, she had a heart of gold. She was kind and sweet. And it was perfectly acceptable if Julie's interest laid outside of the ones that Steven deemed 'acceptable.' Steven felt the need to go on the rumours he heard about Julie rather than the interactions he held with her.

And Lily was frustrated by Steven's double standards. How he often criticized his friends, mostly his female friends, for partaking in deeds that he viewed… well, unacceptable. Yet, was quick to do them himself without any sort of harsh judgment. Lily knew that he hardly looked down on himself for doing these acts since he was aware of the moral implications. Lily often rolled her eyes when he talked like this, it was easy to tune it out after a while.

"What were you doing last night?" Lily asked, realizing that she forgot to ask at lunch. Curious to see if he did do anything interesting the night before as the dialogue in the background faded away.

"Oh. I was studying, I know the courses I'm taking so I might as well have a head start. I just, don't have that much time to go watching movies and such. I just study." Steven said, shrugging his shoulders. As if it were completely normal for teenagers to spend their summers studying away rather than enjoying their days of freedom. Though, Lily was _fine _if one choose to study… she did resent the implications that he was better than others just because he spent his free time studying versus having fun with his friends or girlfriend.

"Oh." Lily said, wild thoughts going through her head. "Did you catch the news last night? Things in the Middle East are getting heated-"

"No. I studied. Remember?" He said testily, his eyes focused on the screen as Lily grew sicker by the second. "It'll be worth it though, I'll get a good job with the amount of work I'm putting in. You should really start doing that too Lily, studying the books and the courses you'll take – you'll be way further then your friends…" He said, as if he was smart enough to give her this sound advice.

Lily resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She had been studying and doing her homework. Though, she hardly liked to brag about it. It was so dull. Reading the detailed recipes for potions, learning the theory behind transfiguration, and even charms had its dull moments.

The problem is, she could hardly tell Steven the truth. Instead, she watched the episode with Steven as they laughed at the right moments and stayed silent at the rest. Steven's arm was around her shoulder and the both waved goodbye as his parents left the house for the second time.

As soon as the parents left, Steven's hand went straight to her thigh. And though Lily would have been excited an hour ago for this prospect, she felt tired and slightly irritated now. Hardly the moment to be experimenting.

Lily stood up quickly, the hand falling away. "I have to go, my parents will worry." She said, the excuse sounding fake in her ears. Steven got up and grabbed her purse. Smiling, Lily took the purse, but not before wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him hungrily on his lips. Grinning, Steven pulled away and whispered, "Let's watch M*A*S*H again soon, okay?"

Lily nodded before making way from the door. Taking long strides, Lily nearly ran to her house and opened the door. Thanking the gods that her parents nor sister was home, she ran up to her room and threw her purse on the ground.

Sitting on her bed gingerly as images of the day flashed through her mind. The waitress, the magic, the kiss, the hands. She squeezed her eyes shut as guilt raged through her body. She pushed to be on her back, as she tried to think about the day and how she felt about it.

While she wanted to so those acts with Steven, his thoughts on some matters annoyed her. She was mad how judgmental he was towards Julie and the waitress. She was frustrated with the amount of work he put into his schoolwork and used it as an excuse to be the town's jerk. She was just frustrated that she was starting to lose the boy that she liked.

The one who came to door with flowers for her mum. The boy who could talk about interesting items, like books and science. She missed the dates that he made her laugh. She missed the walks when they would hold hands and marvel at the beauty that surrounded them. She missed the boy she fell for.

Suddenly, she heard voices of her family and the main door opening and closing loudly. Quickly opened her eyes to see her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were wide with fear and her face was paler than usual. She felt her mouth go dry. She pulled the book from her bedside table, opening to the page, and started falling into the story.

She played the part well when her parents walked into the room to see how her day went.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Lily, <em>

_I miss you terribly. School is a joke, I fall asleep in Biology class and still ace those tests, at least if you were there it would be more interesting. I could fall asleep on your shoulder. But then, I have those annoying classes like Physics where the teacher is just insane. She always picks on me, and yells all the time. And she's so nit picky with her answers on tests, like on one, she refused to count my answers correct because I didn't do it her way. How dumb is that? And I totally got it right too! So frustrating._

_Also, I've been hanging around my dad's offices more. It's a great place to work, it's challenging and everyone can respect a banker. Dad has hinted that there is a possibility that I can get a job there once I'm done with school. Can you imagine? That would be great!_

_Anyway, I'm thinking about you every day and I hope things at school are doing well. I'm proud of you for getting to be Head Girl. I wish my school did something like that, but we just have student council which is pretty much a popularity vote._

_I can't wait to hear from you._

_Love,_

_Steven_

_PS. I can't wait for you to come home so we can watch M*A*S*H. _

Lily gave a sigh, as she brought her legs underneath her, as she let her head hit the back of the arm chair, her eyes staring up at the ceiling as she tried to gather her thoughts and feelings for Steven.

She was currently huddling up in the Heads Common Room, reading the letters from home. Her parent's letter was short and simple, wishing her a good school year. There was of course some fluff, like how Petunia's wedding is going, how Steven talks a lot about her, and their excitement for next year.

Furrowing her brow, she reread the letter from her boyfriend. There was nothing but arrogance and pride. There was nothing but envy and greed. There was nothing that made Lily want to stay with him, nothing at all.

Pulling the coffee table closer to her, she opened her ink bottle and grabbed a quill. Within an half an hour, plenty of spelling errors, and one major ink catastrophe: Lily had her letter for Steven.

_Dear Steven,_

_I'm really sorry for the start of your school year. I know it's frustrating to have teachers against you for stupid prejudices – but you have to keep on working. Don't let them get you down! I know you're smart and will be able to make it through the school year. _

_Wow! A job at your dad's bank? That would be amazing! Like father like son! Plus, that means you won't have to travel far from home, from me._

_I miss you terribly. I miss our long walks and our talks. I miss our times while watching M*A*S*H and I just miss being around you. I can't wait for Christmas break – four months though… it's so long!_

_School here is fine, the train ride up was alright. Head Girl duties aren't that difficult, my fellow Head Boy is helping me out a lot, which is great. Right now, I have to go watch a friend try out for the football team! I'll write more later!_

_With all my love,_

_Lily_

Rereading the letter only once, Lily hastily stuffed the letter in an envelope. Then, she separated the mail that had to go out from the ones that had to stay. Placing the quills and ink bottles in one of the cabinets, Lily grabbed the incoming mail and chucked it into the fire. And she headed off to the quidditch fields, hoping to have some real _fun._

* * *

><p>"Where were you?"<p>

Lily walked straight into her dorm room, passed Alice's bed, and rifled through her own trunk to find some sweat pants or easy jeans that she could wear today. "Heads Common Room and then I mailed some letters. I was behind on my letters. What's the time?" Lily asked, as she ruffled through some broken items at the bottom of her trunk.

"Too fucking early in the morning" Came the muffled voice of Marlene.

"Good morning to you too." Lily said sarcastically, as she pulled off her pajamas, and replaced them with a pair of jeans and her yellow blouse. Lily grabbed her beat up sneakers from under her bed and hurriedly placed them on.

Going straight to her mirror, Lily rifled through her make up. She quickly put on some mascara and eye linear. Then, she placed her hair in a messy pony tail. Pleased with her results, Lily grabbed her robe. "Sleep tight!" She told her room mates, in which Marlene swore loudly at her and threaten some hex; but by the time Marlene had finished her threat, Lily was already on her way out, grinning slightly with the prospect of the morning.

* * *

><p>"Didn't expect to see you here."<p>

Lily smiled down at Remus, as she walked towards, avoiding the slick spots on the bleachers.

"Well, I thought it would be fun. I've never been to the try outs though, are they always open to the general public?" Lily asked, as she tugged some stray hairs behind her ear.

"The try outs are open viewing only if you are in the particular house that is trying out. Last year was the last year that other houses could come to other people's try outs – too many cat calls and insults being thrown about." Remus said, shrugging slightly as his eyes were trained onto the field.

Nodding slightly, Lily just gazed at the figures on the pitch. Half of them seemed to be doing the appropriate thing, by flying and warming up. The other half seemed to be giggling on the pitch, talking, or just standing around. The only odd thing was the amount of people on the pitch…

"Remus?" Lily asked questioningly, doing a quick count of the amount of people on the fields with brooms slung over their shoulder.

"Hm?"

Lily hesitated for a second, "Are there really… that many Gryffindors?" Feeling slightly worried if she was truly off by the amount of people in the House. After all, she _was _Head Girl.

Remus smiled to himself, laughing a bit before getting an answer out "No, no. Not even close. Ever since James became captain, he keeps on getting various versions of his own fan club at the try outs. If you look closely enough, you can recognize some faces from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw houses."

"That's ridiculous!" Lily cried out, staring down on the pitch disbelievingly. She could understand if one or two 'fangirls' from other houses snuck onto the pitch to try out – but really, when more than two or three is a little excessive.

"It's the only reason why I come down to the try outs. It's hilarious seeing them fly, last year was the best when one of them crashed into the bleachers-" Remus said, clutching his stomach as he started to laugh at the memory. Lily just stared at him in horror before gazing back down to the pitch, hoping that no one would fly into them today.

"Oh my god…" Lily trailed off, clutching her stomach. She scolded herself for being 'muggle' in front of Remus and then had the thought that eating eggs and sausages before try outs was probably not the smartest idea.

Remus looked at her strangely, "Are you the type of girl who gets squimish at blood and fights?" He asked, his eyebrows raised as Lily took in a shaking breath breath.

"Sometimes…" Lily trailed off, trying to remember the last time she really needed to be concerned with blood and gore. She vaguely remembers watching a horror film with Steven, but they quickly stopped playing it once they realized how atrocious the plot was and how bad the actors were in the film.

"Then, why did you come?" Remus asked, "After all, try-outs are known for the injuries. The amount of people who come and can barely fly around the field without crashing… Well, you certainly need to have a stomach for it." Remus trailed off, staring back to the pitch.

Lily looked down at her shoes, her hands shoved deep into her robe pockets, trying to find the right words. "I've never been to one of these before. It's different and someone told me it would be fun. Besides," Lily grinned happily at Remus, "If I ever get scared I have my knight in shining armour right next to me!" She jokingly said, as she wrapped her arms around Remus's waist, lying her head on his shoulder as her and Remus laughed at her antics.

"Oh look! They're starting!" Remus said, as Lily detangled herself from him. She noticed that the figures were circling James. She could tell that he had his wand pulled out, confused, she stared down trying to find the sparks or some hint that there was magic occurring. Then, he started to talk and his booming voice echoed around the stadium.

"First off - I would like to thank everyone who came down here today. I realize that it takes a lot of courage to come down to this pitch today. So let's give everyone a round of applause!" James cried out enthusiastically, as scattered applause took place.

"There's one group of people though, who I feel deserve a special recognition, and those are the young students here, like the first and second years. You see, at eleven years old, I was this scrawny git who just _dreamed_ on being on the team. I couldn't wait for the day that I became chaser. But I would have never come down to the pitch during my first years. So, for that, let's get all of the first years up front!" James cried out excitingly.

There was a little chaos, as all of the little creatures crawled up to the front. Each of the younger ones were beaming widely at James, their broomsticks thrown over one shoulder to mimic James' movements. James stared to clap which got the people in the stands to start clapping too.

"Now, since I have all of you amazing folks upfront in my memory, I want you to scamper off. The Quidditch teams do _not_ allow any first years, therefore, I cannot allow you to try out. But _please_ come out next year, you'll certainly be eligible then." James said happily, as the first years quickly lost their grins and muttered darkly under their breaths. Slowly but surely, the first years walked off the pitch.

"Alright then, let's do some laps around the pitch!" James said confidently, as he hopped onto his broomstick and flew high into the air, giving him a bird's eye view of the pitch.

Lily thought that this was quite a wise thing to do, as a good quarter of the students trying out barely had control over the broom, one boy almost crashed into the stands – which led James to quickly dismissing all of those who couldn't fly.

Then, James noticed that there were some Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw girls trying out, in which, he threaten to take away house points. Instead of quivering in fear, the opposing houses of Gryffindor ran away, giggling loudly.

"Quite a fan club, huh?" Lily said jokingly.

Remus snorted. "You have no idea. Some of those girls can get really crazy."

"Oh goody, are we talking about James' fanclub? I thought I saw them running away…" Sirius trailed off, as he plopped right next to Remus, handing him mug of steaming hot chocolate, Sirius threw an annoyed glance towards Lily who tried her best to ignore him.

"Sorry Lily, I didn't realize that you had gotten the stick out of your ass long enough to know what fun was- " Sirius muttered, bringing his own mug to his lips.

"Shut it Black." Lily muttered darkly, as she stared straight ahead. She watched with amusement as one of the girls trying out to be a beater, miserably failing of hitting the buldger.

"What are you doing here again? Really, I expected that you'd be in the _library _ or doing some _studying._" Sirius made sure that his tone expressed disgust, Lily started to get angry.

"I was invited here and I was curious. Just because I'm Head Girl doesn't mean I'm some boring, old hag." Lily snapped, leaning a bit over Remus to fully talk to Sirius.

"I beg to differ." Sirius said darkly, his eyes focused on the pitch. Lily was about to open her mouth to retort when Remus cut her off.

"Would you two _please_ shut up? Watching the Keeper try outs is fun." Remus snapped, turning his head at both of them.

Lily rolled her eyes and stared straight ahead, not speaking a word to Sirius for the rest of the try outs.

* * *

><p>"Why didn't you say you were going to the try outs?" Complained Marlene at lunch time, as she plopped some of the shepherd's pie into her plate.<p>

Lily sighed, as she poured some more pumpkin juice. "Because it was early. And it honestly didn't occur to me to invite you guys."

"Good to know where we stand. I love you too by the way." Marlene said lightly, getting laughs from the group of friends.

"No, no, it wasn't like that and you know it. But the try outs were done by lunch time and it was too early to wake any of you lot, so I let you sleep." Lily said, as she happily shoved some food into her mouth.

"Well. Was it fun?" Alice asked, cutting a bit into her steamed vegetables.

"It was. I mean, I hung out with Remus and we chit chatted here and there. But it was amusing to see some of the flyers, even I could have flown better than some of them! But, Black decided to come along and be a complete jerk-" Lily ranted, hardly noticing the looks of shock and horror from her friend's faces.

"Thank you Lily. You look so gorgeous and pretty today, must be with all of the compliments you keep handing out to me!" Sirius said sarcastically, as him and Peter passed the group of girls.

"Stupid git." Lily muttered under her voice, resisting the urge to throw the plate at Sirius. It would mess up his hair, causing himself immense distress. And then there is the added bonus that he could actually pass out…

"Hey Lily, think you can help me out with my potion's homework today? I'm totally lost in that class…" Marlene trailed off, as she roughly shoved her food around on her plate.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, sure. I haven't finished but I can definitely help. Library? After lunch?" Lily asked, taking another bite from her meal as she felt the wave of anger pass.

"Sounds great! Thanks Lily!" Marlene said happily.

* * *

><p>An afternoon in the library was quite dull, a few quiet conversations, the ruffling of pages, and the harsh voice of Madame Pince's voice was all that could be heard. Yet, for two hours, Lily and Marlene worked diligently on their potion homework. An occasional gossiping session took place but nothing more.<p>

"Thank Merlin that were done with that blasted homework. Who assigns that much homework? Complete nuttter!" Andrea ranted, a spring to her step.

"I know! But it's not much better than McGonagall's homework load…"

"Ugh! I'm not going to even look at her homework until tomorrow…" Marlene trailed off, her bag swinging slightly.

"Or Monday morning?" Lily teased, bumping her shoulder into Marlene's.

Andrea shoot Lily a teasing look, "Hm, Monday morning does sound tempting... But! This year, I've vowed on being a better student." She said proudly, keeping her head up high.

Lily snorted, "Excuse me? Doing homework on time then?"

"Exactly! Not only getting homework done on time but not procrastinating and not waiting till the last second to actually study…"

"Weren't these the same goals you had last year?" Lily asked, grinning to herself as she heard Marlene make a lofty sigh.

"Lily, I was a naïve sixth year then, I couldn't even do magic in my own home! But now, I'm a seventh year. Much more wiser then last year, full of life experiences that have taught me the errors of my ways…"

"Right…" Lily said, a teasing smile lingered on her lips while Marlene ignored the sarcastic tone of Lily as well as Lily's smile.

"Any guys catch your fancy?" Marlene asked, after a few moments of silence of their walking.

"I have a boyfriend, remember?" Lily said quietly, confused by the question.

Marlene just waved a hand, "Still, it's a long distance relationship, I doubt it's going to work out. No offense Lily." Marlene said quickly, turning around to face her friend with a petrified look in her eyes.

Lily gave a sigh, "No, don't worry, a lot of my muggle friends said the same thing. But he won't cheat on me… he's a good guy." Lily said.

_Plus, no one would want to be with him anyways…_ Lily thought darkly to herself.

"And you Lily, is little miss perfect. You won't cheat on him either. Perfect match!" Marlene said happily, turning around and walking.

"Right. What about you though? And boys?" Lily asked, looking up to see Marlene's eyes light up with excitement.

"Nah, though there is that Ravenclaw kid… Ian McDonalds." She said dreamily as Lily looked at her with utter horror.

"He's a fifth year!" Lily exclaimed, nearly laughing at Marlene's nonchalant expression about this piece of information.

"So? He's only two years younger!" Marlene argued quickly.

"You're quite the cougar, you know that Marlene?" Lily said teasingly, as she quickly muttered the password for the Gryffindor Common Room.

"So? He's cute!" Marlene said happily, walking into the common room.

Lily just shook her head, "Oh Marlene, I thought you learned the errors of your ways. Remember Mark last year? He was a fifth year too…"

"Ew. Don't remind me, sloppy kisser, no manners, but I can just tell that Ian is different." Marlene said, a happy look crossed her face as she plopped onto the couch. Most of the younger years were working on their homework out the outside of the seats clustered closer to the fireplace.

"Whatever you say…" Lily said happily, as she sat on the armchair next to Marlene.

"Where have you two been?!" Emmeline asked, jumping on to the couch, her eyes gleamed in the fire's light.

"Library, why are you so excited?" Lily asked suspiciously.

"I'll tell you where I haven't been… I have _not_ been in the boys dorm rooms where Alice might be hanging out with Frank…"

"Do not need to know about this!" Lily said, as she covered her face with her hands.

"Still, better then the potions classroom…" Emmeline trailed off, laughing mirthlessly at Lily's flushed face.

"Em! I do not need nor want to know about where Alice and Frank snog!" Lily said, her words mumbled behind her hands.

"Well, now you know where not to look when you patrol!" Emmeline said happily. "Since Frank and Alice are there, you don't need to worry about tonight!"

"That'll be nice" Lily said, instantly reminding herself that she did not need to worry about doing patrols tonight since she wasn't on duty.

"Speaking of which… don't you need to patrol soon?" Emmeline asked, her head tilted to the side as Lily frowned at her.

"No, what are you talking about? It's barely three!" Lily stated, confused to the fact why everyone thought that she was patrolling all the time.

"Right. But don't you always need to patrol the halls? You know, you have some free time, so you'll go marching around in the halls, upholding the ancient rules of Hogwarts; ensuring that the young ones know the difference between right and wrong…" Emmeline said gleefully, a large smile on her face.

Lily just laughed at her friend's silliness. "If I did that, then I would have to deduct points from you for causing a 'disturbance in the common room'."

"Fine then. If you truly see my motivational speech as a 'disturbance' then I'll be as quiet as a mouse. Starting… now!" Emmeline said in a goofy way. She pretended to zip her lips, as she sat back on the couch. Her lips were trembling and Lily knew she wanted to burst out in laughter.

Lily giggled, earning a disapproving look from her silent friend.

It was moments like these, that Lily was entirely grateful for Hogwarts.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Love it? Hate it? Review it!<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** Reckless Abandonment  
><strong>Author:<strong> Nesma  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> Not my world.  
><strong>AN:** Ah. There are parts of this chapter that I like and dislike. But I promised myself I would publish this story and finish it once and for all. Flaws and all. I do like it. And I think a lot of the interactions here are based on how I acted when I was seventeen. Childish, yes, but I guess that's what being seventeen is all about. I hope you enjoy it!

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><p>"You came!"<p>

Lily quickly turned around in her arm chair, to see James grinning down on her, his arms resting at the head. Giving him her own smile, Lily replied, "Yeah. You were right. It was fun. Didn't realize you had such a fan club though…"

"If you were aware of their existence, would their presence have awoken some jealous, beast in you causing you to realize that you could only stand being my one constant girl?" James said, smiling as he plopped in the armchair next to Lily. He wiggled his eyebrows up and down and Lily could hardly stifle a laugh.

Lily just rolled her eyes, "Doubtful. But I can't believe what awful flyers they were, they really think that you would fall madly in love with them with their inability to fly?"

"They're hoping I would them private quidditich lessons. But if you think that tactic is bad, you should see how often they play the sexual innuendos of Quidditch, they keep on hinting for 'private' lessons…" James said, laughter escaping his lips as he threw his head back. Lily laughed along with James.

"That's just gross and… ugh." Lily said, doing a slight shimmer as the thought of sexual innuendos with Quidditch. There were too many corny candidates to count.

"You have to admit, the wizarding world makes it very easy to make up sexual innuendos with wands and broomsticks…" James said, echoing her thoughts.

"James!" Lily cried, playfully slapping James with the back of her hand as she blushed furiously.

"Hey-ow! You know, girls don't realize it but they really can physically hurt guys."

"What are you talking about?" Lily asked, laugh a bit at him as her eyebrows were crossed.

"Alright, well, those 'slaps' and 'punches' can be pretty hard. Like the backhand slap. Then, with the small hands and long nails, your pinching ability can be absolutely painful. It's awful." James said calmly, his head resting against the back of the armchair.

"That's just sad…" Lily stated, she picked up her quill and homework, quickly making certain notes.

"Lily." James said, in a very pained voice that made Lily look up in bewildered state of James' tired expression.

"What?"

"It's _Saturday._" He said in an exasperated tone, and Lily bit her lip as she tried to figure out what he was trying to hint at.

"So?" Lily, looked up from her work, James seemed to have a pained expression on his face. His eyes squinting and his forehead wrinkled, while his hands were pushing back his bangs.

"You're doing _homework_. On a _Saturday_. How do you not realize that it's wrong?" James asked, pushing himself up to an upright sitting position in the chair as Lily squirmed a bit in her own chair.

"Well, Emmeline is doing some reading, Alice is with Frank, Marlene is running along the lake and I had nothing better to do…"

"Nothing better to do? Merlin's beard…" James said, messing up his hair as he stared disbelievingly at Lily. After a few moments of silence, James bounced up from the couch, looking considerably happier.

"Right. We're going flying."

"You're going flying?"

"No, _we're_ going flying." He said, beaming down at Lily.

"I don't have a broom" Lily said simply.

"Lily, I know you're a woman… Hey! I couldn't resist. My only one, I swear." James said quickly, as he jumped out of the way of Lily's hand, his own hands were thrown up in defense. "But it doesn't matter, we keep spare ones down in the changing rooms. Good ones. So please Lily, we're going to go flying, you'll feel better – then we'll have dinner, then rounds, then you can go to sleep peacefully."

Lily bit her lip as she stared down at her homework. It did feel wrong to be working on a Saturday… but she had a lot… but she hadn't been flying in a while.

"Lily, are you saying, that you would rather do homework then flying? If that's the case then I will deduct points from Gryffindor."

"Well. If you're going to deduct points…" Lily quickly stuffed her parchment and quills in her bag. James, beaming brightly, waited patiently until Lily was ready to go.

It was certainly an odd sight for those who were in the Gryffindor Common room in the late afternoon, to see the Head Boy and Girl making a mad dash for the portrait hole; as if they were friends or something more.

* * *

><p>"James, maybe this isn't such a good idea…"<p>

James let out an exasperated sigh. "Lily. We're already in the locker room, I've 'borrowed' Sirius' brromstick so that you can actually borrow mine-"

"What if I crash it?" Lily asked, horrible images of her spectacularly crashing into the stands filtering through her mind.

James snorted, "There is no way in hell that you're going to crash it. I'll save it if you fall off"

"What? You'd save a broomstick before you'd save a human being?" Lily shrieked incredulously, but calmed down when she found the smirk on James' face.

"Relax. Of course I'd save you… after the broom of course."

"Of course." Lily affirmed, as she slug the broomstick over her shoulder, following James out to the Quidditich field.

It was late afternoon, the sun was settling down and the clouds were twisting together for a darker color. Yet, the wind was only blowing slightly and the chill in the air was more refreshing then cold.

Mounting the broomstick, Lily pushed off the ground, feeling the wind rush past her as she leaned into the broom, gaining more and more speed. She looped around the field while James did more risky stunts, diving and swerving. Laughter and shrieks filled the air as they flew into the night, it was only when the stars came out that they decided to stop.

* * *

><p>"I thought you were going to crack your head open!" Lily gushed, as she pushed back her tangled hair.<p>

James just let out a laugh, his tie undone, his shirt hanging out of his pants while his robes were carelessly thrown on him. "Lily, I wasn't even _close_ to crashing into the ground… but you almost crashed into the stands!"

"Did not!" Lily laughed, her cheeks were flushed and her hair looked like a bushy mess, and she was blistering hot, but she could not have been any more happier.

James just rolled his eyes, "Right, so that flying at super high speed towards the stands and only pulling away at the last second was… very lame trick?"

"Shut up." Lily said, grinning from ear to ear.

Though flying was not her expertise, she was good enough to enjoy it. She didn't yelp or scream or faint at the thought of flying, but it was refreshing and fun to do.

"But you flew well, other then the trick, you should get your own broom." James remarked calmly.

At once, Lily's smile turned into a frown, her eyes quickly looked down as she pushed back a piece of hair. She was going to miss flying, the magic and the joys. Perhaps she could purchase one without Steven… no, what a silly question. What a dumb idea.

"Can't. Besides, I only use brooms every once in a while. Wouldn't be worth the galleons." Lily stated quickly, the words tumbling out her mouth. Lily took a peek at James to find him staring at her quizzically.

"I guess… but you seemed to really enjoy it. It's a great way of exercise, and depending where you live next year – you can always find an empty field or two. But, whatever, not my business." James said, coming to a stop at the Head Common's Room portrait. He turned around to face Lily, a twinkle lingered in his eyes.

"Well, thank you, by the way, I really had fun tonight. Too bad we can't use the brooms to patrol the hall, huh?" Lily said quietly, her eyes looking down the hall they were in.

"I know, right? I tried asking McGonagall if we could use brooms, it would be faster than running after a trouble maker – but no, the batty old witch just offered me a ginger snap and told me to get back to homework." James said tiredly, as if he was dealing with a toddler instead of an adult.

Lily let out a laugh, being able to perfectly picture McGongall's face turn into a disbelieving mess, her lips a thin line as James prattled on about the efficiencies of using brooms in the halls.

James let out a sigh, "Well, I guess we might as well patrol. But, um, I should thank you for coming out today to the try outs and flying with me tonight. I had a great time, we should hang out more often." James said, ruffling his hair and looked at the ground. Lily, just stood there awkwardly with her hands twisted nervously behind her back.

Then, James let out a nervous laugh and made his way down the hall, taking the same route he always took on Saturday nights.

Lily just stared at him, and wondered if the flip flop of her stomach had to do with the adrenaline or something else. She stood there for a bit, for the line was at the end of her tongue.

_"Can't hang out together like that. The boyfriend might be jealous." _

Why didn't she have the courage to tell him that?

* * *

><p>The patrol through the halls was a quiet one for Lily. Her thoughts were scrambled through her head as she thought of the day.<p>

There was something about James. The carefree side he showed Lily was not the one she was used to, and it was disturbing her. She always wanted to be in control, well, as much control as she could afford. She knew how to deal with Steven and her parents, she knew exactly how to act in every single circumstance but with James, none of the rules applied.

While she spent nearly the entire patrol time thinking about James, it certainly wasn't an infatuation. She wasn't falling head over heels in love with his reckless ways, but she was starting to accept his quirks. She was curious about him, how did he come to be James? What are his parents like? How did his mind operate?

So when Lily finally entered the Heads room, the exchanged between the Head Boy and Girl was much more amicable, and they both parted with smiles on their faces.

* * *

><p>The seventh years were starting to feel the pressure from the courses. With the passing of the first two weeks, it became clear that the seventh years should get adjusted to a mountain pile of homework from each course. Every Sunday night, the common rooms would be filled. The Great Hall had study groups and the Library was pure academic hell.<p>

It was the Sunday night madness.

Lily, was no exception. A top student, no doubt, but she always had homework on Sunday night. She always saved the 'icky' subjects for last or the long, tedious ones. So every Sunday night, her and her friends would scramble around, helping one another with homework. Where they did it always change, tonight however, the girls were in the head's common room.

"Shit, did we have homework for Transfiguration." A desperate Marlene asked, as she lunged for her planner, scuttling through the pages with her quill clamped between her teeth.

"Yeah, book questions – page. 343, questions 1-12." Emmeline said in a nonchalant tone, her eyes focused on her Charm's essay.

There was rustling from Marlene, flicking through the pages until slowing down. Emmeline was kind enough to avoid mentioning how many pages it took to show questions one through twelve. "Fuck. Did these take long?" Emmeline asked.

"Took me a while." Lily replied, as she quickly wrote an outline out for her Defense Against the Dark Arts class.

"I'm going to bullshit, hopefully this assignment is only for completion and not graded." Marlene said, as she quickly took a blank piece of parchment and started to write.

While the girls had just started to get into the groove of their work, after a good fifteen minutes worth of whining and moaning about the work, they heard the portrait door open once more.

"I _told_ you we should have started that potion homework on Thursday! We're terrible at potions Padfoot- " Remus said, jumping through the hole, his back to the common room as the other boys started to follow him.

"Moony, would you relax? You're not _terrible_…" Sirius said arrogantly, his eyes rolling as he pushed back some strands from his face.

"Padfoot! Are you forgetting that infamous time with the Felix potions?!" Remus asked, practically pleading with Sirius' memory.

A bark of laughter filled the room, the girls stopped mid writing exchanging confused looks with each other. They were crouched behind the sofas, unusual, but they found it much more difficult to write with a small coffee table and a sofa that didn't allow for a ton of movement. Instead, they do their homework on the floor, allowing for notes and books to be spread out in some semi circle shape.

"Wormtail, I doubt _anyone _would forget about that…" A few more laughter were exchanged before Lily found her voice.

"James?"

At once, the girls found themselves staring up at the four Marauders, each wearing a look of bemusement on their face.

"Head Girl doing her homework so late? I wouldn't have expected such an intolerable act from such a model student." Sirius said, earning him a dirty look from James.

"Whatever. I just need to get the homework done…" Lily muttered quietly.

"The common room was just a rowdy mess" Marlene piped up, "And the library was just a bunch of First and Second years gossiping" Alice added.

"Well, we wouldn't have known since _someone_ got us banned on the first day back…" Remus said with a hint of a smile, giving Sirius an accusing look.

"I was doing my homework! Merlin's beard! I was told to practice summing charms and so I was seeing how well I could get a book from the bookshelf…"

"Yeah, except you brought down the entire bookshelf down, creating a domino effect. Now, our ban exceeds into our eighth life time." Peter said happily, as he dropped his books down next to Alice, and taking a seat.

"Wormtail!" Sirius cried out incredulously, "What? I need to get homework done!" Peter said defensively, and opened his Potion's text book and started doing the problems.

Remus just shrugged and took a place near Marlene, quickly catching up with the questions. While James took a spot near Lily, cracking open his own Defense Against the Dark Arts and quietly scribbled his notes. Sirius stood standing for a few seconds, before he succumbed and joined the homework group.

* * *

><p>"Thank <em>Merlin<em> we don't have to do patrols tonight." Lily muttered breathlessly as she slammed her Defense Against the Dark Arts book shut.

"Who does?" Remus asked, scribbling away in the margins of his parchments.

"Slytherins" James retorted, furrowing his brow as he read over his own Charms' essay.

"Who got prefect from Slytherin this year?" Sirius asked.

"You know… I didn't really check out the names-" James said, his hand going to the back of his head as Lily knotted her eyebrows together.

"Sirius! Are you being sarcastic? It's your brother and that awful Lisa Stafford girl, but surely you knew that…" Lily shot out, looking at Sirius who wore a look of pure anger.

"Of course. Regulus is prefect, my parents are so proud of him…" His tone was biting and suddenly, a chill spawned out in the room. Lily looked awkwardly at her book, her fingers tracing the letters while the others were writing or coughing awkwardly.

"Well, I'm off to bed. I'm done with all of my homework." Remus said. "Padfoot, wanna come?"

"Sure. Why not?" He said, Peter automatically following suit.

"Well, we better head off then too…" Lily said, the other girls were pulling themselves off the floor and picking up their scattered notes.

"Wait, Lily, you mind reading over my charms essay? I swear I screwed up something in the essay but I can't find where it is…" James asked.

"Sure, why don't you guys go ahead? I'll meet you in the dorm." Lily said, as her friends walked out of the portrait holes with the Marauders.

Lily sprawled out on the floor, lying on her stomach and kicking her legs in the air. "Pass over the essay."

"Thank you…" James said graciously as he slid the essay over to her.

There was a moment of silence as Lily skimmed through the essay, everything seemed to be in order…

"You know that Sirius isn't living with his family anymore?" James said quietly.

Lily's head snapped up and looked at James quizzically. "What?"

"He… he sort of ran away or got kicked out last year. He's burnt from the Black Family tree. He actually lived with me for a while." James said, biting down on his lower lip as he ruffled his hair. A nervous tick that Lily was starting to recognize.

Lily's mouth fell open, a sudden rush of guilt crushed her chest. "Oh God, I mean, _Merlin. _And I acted like an idiot!" She cried, as she let her head and legs fall to the floor.

"An idiot? No, not a lot of people know about it so it's alright. He's just very touchy on the subject of his family. He hates the whole lot of them." James said, shrugging.

"But they're family." Lily said in a manner of a fact tone.

"So?" James retorted back.

"So, James, he should work it out with him, I mean, if you can't trust on your family who else can you?" Lily asked, lifting her head to look at James.

James let out a sigh, "You're right in one aspect. But, his family goes everything against his values. They think purity in blood is the most important while Sirius can't give a fuck whether you're a muggleborn or a descendant from Merlin. He doesn't believe in muggle hunting nor does he think that Voldemort is the greatest."

Lily nodded her head. "But… still, I can't ever imagine standing up to my parents like that, even if they disagree with what I believe." Lily said, feeling herself heat up.

"You're a lion, a Gryffindor, you're a brave soul and when the time comes, I'm sure you would if you were ever placed in that situation." James said confidently. He was so sure of his statement he didn't need to look over to Lily to see her reddening face.

Lily looked guiltily at the floor. "Their family, they are my Achilles' heel-"

"Achilles what?" James asked, turning to look at her.

"Achilles Heel, Greek mythology, pretty much my weak point." Lily muttered nonchalant.

"We all have those. I mean, if anything were to happen to my friends or parents I think I'd rather die then to live life without them. It's a melodramatic way of thinking but sometimes love does some crazy shit." James muttered, his glasses hanging off his nose as he leaned back on the back of the sofa.

"Tell me about it. I'm always worried that one day I'll open the _Daily Prophet_ to see my house on the front page with the Death Mark over it…"

"I have the same fear." James blurted out, his eyes lowered onto the carpet as Lily looked at him curiously.

"But… you're a pureblood. Everyone knows that the Potters are as pure as the Blacks."

"It doesn't matter. The fact that my parents are aurors, and are willing to put their life on the line to save muggles, well, the pureblood community sees them as dirt. I'm as much as a target as you are." James muttered, lifting his heard and staring at the ceiling.

Lily bit her lower lip as she stared down on the charms essay, unsure if she should keep reading it or not.

"Are your parents active?" Lily asked, and James looked nervous for a second.

"What do you mean?" He asked, staring at the fire.

"I mean… are they on the front lines or behind a desk?" Lily asked, putting the essay to the side as she shifted into a sitting position. Her knees hugged close to her chest as she stared at James.

"Well. That's an interesting question." James said, staring at Lily. "My dad is currently in the hospital and my mum is missing from her mission." James said, staring at Lily's horror struck face before staring at the fire place.

"When did this happen?" Lily asked, tucking a strand behind her ear.

James heaved a sight. " They went on a mission in June. And I lived by myself from June to September. Which wasn't bad, we have a house elf who made sure I didn't eat too many sweets or blow up the house. I had no idea where my parents were except that they were, hopefully, alive somewhere. I mean, these kind of things happened all the time growing up and you have aurors for parents." James said, pushing some of his hair back as Lily averted her gaze. Unsure of what to make of parents who willingly put their life on the line over and over again.

"How did your parents become aurors?" Lily asked, trying to shift the conversation to something normal. Something that she could relate to.

A small smile came to James' lips. "My father went through the official auror training. He did everything by the rule, got the grades and completed the training. My mother, well, she's always marched to the beat of her own drums. She has a knack for languages. Really though, it's bloody crazy how many languages she can speak from Mermaid to Giant to Arabic to Chinese… anyways, she's always been used as a translator within the Ministry until they realized that they could use her as an under cover agent within the auror department. That's how my parents met."

Lily nodded, leaning back so that her hands were supporting her position. "That's really interesting. I think my parents met in school. Typical love story." Lily said, shrugging as James smiled at her.

Lily hesitated for a second before finding the courage to ask, "What-what happened with your parents? Why is your dad in the hospital? You don't have to answer if you don't want." Lily said quickly, scanning James' face to see if there were any sort of hesitations or fear.

James took a rattling breath, and Lily instinctively moved herself closer to him. She rested her hand on his arm.

"My parents were off in Lebanon trying to counter the Death Eaters. Voldemort has nearly conquered England, but he's hungry for more. The Middle East is easy to infiltrate because their as crazy with pureblood as the British. The violence that the muggles produce are as bad as the dark magic. Anyways, by the time school rolled around, I hadn't heard from them… hell, I don't, I don't even think they know that I'm Head Boy."

"Oh, James…"

"No, it's fine. I mean, its life. Anyway, on September 1st, just before I was going to go over to King's Cross, I received a patronus from a Ministry Official alerting me that one of my parents was badly injured – but that I had to get on the train to Hogwarts, everything will be explained there."

"I was so… angry. I can't even began to explain it. Thank Merlin Padfoot was with me for the last few weeks as he practically tackled and cursed me to Kings Cross. Plus, Remus met us half way, he was already coming by early to go over Prefect stuff with me, and I had no where to escape. But the entire train ride all I could feel was the blood thundering in my veins, and I was looking for any excuse to just… pounce or hex someone. I couldn't wait for the train to reach Hogwarts but at the same time I wanted it to continue running and running so that I could have some shred of hope that my parents or at least one of them was alive."

James was breathing heavily through his nose, and Lily turned her head away but let her hand intermingle with James'. She squeezed his arm lightly, moving her thumb in little circles.

"When we finally got to Hogwarts, we had to do the ceremony, dinner, then rounds and then after all of that – I finally learned what happened."

"My father got hit with a powerful Dark Magic, crippled him completely, caused massive internal bleeding. The Healers were unsure if he was going to make it. So for weeks, they kept working on him and he lived. He still has his brain in tact, but he can't walk. Completely paralyzed. He's in those, wheelchairs now."

"Were you able to talk to him?"

James clenched his jaw and shook his head. Lily bit her own lip down in anger.

"And… your mom?" Lily asked gingerly.

Silence. Complete and utter silence filled the room, as the fire was dead and James' breathing had even out. Lily squeezed his hand tightly, horrified.

"We don't know where she is. Any day now, she should be coming home. My dad lost her after the first few weeks, they spotted each other randomly afterwards, but after he got hit… well, the Ministry won't let him go back out."

"I… don't even know what to say. Saying I'm sorry just sounds, fake. Horribly and utterly fake." Lily muttered quickly under her voice.

"Believe me, it's enough that you're here." James said quietly, offering Lily a small smile as he adjusted his grip on her own hand.

A spark went off in Lily's stomach, as their fingers adjusted to each other. She felt comfortable, safe within these hands. She let her head fall on his own shoulder as he let his rest on the top of her.

Lily left a while later. James stayed behind to do homework.

It was becoming the new normal to have someone in your intimate family personally affected by the war outside of the walls.

* * *

><p>"I <em>don't<em> want to do rounds tonight!" James bitterly complained as he stretched out on the couch in the Heads common room. It was a Monday night, so obviously it had been a horrible day.

"Neither do I" Lily said, yawning a bit as she snuggled up in one of the arm chairs. It had been a tiring day for both of them. It had been long and filled with meaningless notes, and it didn't help that the weather outside was turning into the pretty autumn colors.

"Then, let's not go." James said simply and Lily let out a loud sigh.

"James – we have to go. We're Head Boy and Girl, we'd be setting a bad example for the rest of the prefects."

"Lily, come on! We never find anything exciting anyways except for horny teenagers and McGonnagall is the professor on duty tonight... though, it would be brilliant to see her face when she catches a snogging couple." James said wistfully as Lily gave him a friendly push.

"Yach, James!" She said, sticking out her tongue as James laughed.

"No! Think about!" James said excitedly, as he swung himself over to a sitting position. "She'd be already livid that we didn't show up, and then she'll come across two kids sucking face… it would be nice to see her yell at someone else for a change." James mused, smiling widely.

"You know she'd track us down if we didn't show up though…" Lily said as she started to stand up to get ready.

"Ugh, you're right." James said sadly, as he started to pull on his robe and pin his badge.

While Lily was putting her own robes, she was suddenly confronted with the image of a blushing McGonagall yelling at frazzled teenagers. It was quite funny…

"Unless we tell McGonagall we've been noticing odd behaviour in some of the classrooms. We could say that we've heard the same noises and while we keep on using various charms, the problem is quite persistent." Lily said quickly, turning around to face a shocked James.

The crackling fire was all that could be heard and for a moment, Lily thought that James was just joking about McGonagall and that he had no interest what so ever on pulling his old pranks-

"Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant!" James muttered happily, pulling his robe tighter around him. "There is no way she can say no to you either! If it was just me, she'd tell me to go tell them off, but you, you are so innocent that you can get away with asking her such a request!"

"But we'd probably be told to go away so she can deal with the issue by herself…" Lily started.

"That's not a problem. We can use my cloak!" James said energetically and Lily eyed his black cloak strewed across the floor. Wondering if he had actually lost his mind.

"Um, that's not the greatest hiding spot…" Lily said, as she eyed James from head to toe.

"No! My invisibility cloak – if there was ever a time to use it, it would be now! And, I brought it with me…" James said, as he patted his robes and grinned widely when he hit a certain spot.

"You… own an invisibility cloak?! No wonder you got away with so much!" Lily yelled out in annoyance. "Is that how you catch all the troublemakers? You use that?"

James let out a snort. "Lily. Please. This cloak is used for _good_ and _noble_ deeds, like jinxing the staircase at night to make that one step vanish-"

"That was YOU?! You have any idea how frustrating-"

"or sneaking down to the kitchens at night for some hot chocolate while I'm studying into the early morning-"

"And you never bring me any?" Lily asked, narrowing her eyes at James who gulped quickly.

"This cloak has helped me with every important mission in my life. Tonight, you will have the pleasure of taking part of the most important one of them all – embarrassing McGonagall."

Lily rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her stomach. "McGonagall has been a professor for so long, I'm sure she's dealt with this situation a hundred times and over-"

"But she _must_ have an Archilless heel somewhere! What if we find out what it is Lily?! Do you have _any_ idea what this would mean?!"

"First off, it's Achilles' heel not Archilless' heel. Second off, there is no point of doing this-"

"I'm terrible bored and will do a shoddy job of patrolling for the rest of the year unless you help me find out if snogging couples make McGonagall feel embarrassed." James said quickly, staring hard into Lily's eyes.

Lily let out a grin. "How badly of a job will you do?"

"A shitty, horrible, devastating job. It'll be so bad, that you'd wish Sirius was given Head Boy title." James said, grinning ear to ear.

"Well, in that case, it looks like I have no choice." Lily said, lightly, shrugging her shoulder while James had a huge grin on his face.

"Alright, come here… this will be our plan…" James said, ushering Lily close as he whispered their secret mission in her ear.

* * *

><p>"There you two are, right on time. Impressive Mr. Potter" Professor McGonagall told the two as they approached her.<p>

James and Lily walked towards McGonagall, each had composed their face to be calm and serious like.

McGonagall immediately started to walk at a fast pace, letting her back face James and Lily. "I'll be handling the floors below and you two shall be patrolling the floors above. Remember the codes if you are to encounter danger. Any questions?"

James nudged Lily and gave her a pointed look. "Um, Professor McGonagall? I have a request." Lily asked timidly while James gave her the thumbs up.

McGonagall came to a halt, and turned around to face the pair. "Oh? And what would that be Ms. Evans?"

"Well, lately, I've been experiencing problems on the third floor – you know, where all the charm classrooms are?"

At once, McGonagall's lips turned into a thin line and her eyebrows shot up. "What type of problems?"

"Well, every time I've come close to the classrooms there are always odd noises, I can't really explain them. But I've tried doing various of charms to see if I could reveal what's going on – but it doesn't seem to help. And I'm not sure if it's a silly prank or something much more serious. Do you mind checking it out?" Lily asked nervously.

McGonagall was giving Lily a very strange look. Lily wanted to turn her eyes down, look away but James had told her, no, instructed her to stare right back at McGonagall. Apparently McGonagall thought you were telling the truth when you looked straight into her eyes.

"Have you had Mr. Potter check out the area? He's quite well versed with 'silly' pranks." McGonagall spat out, shooting James a menacing look.

"You see, I sort of did already." James interfered.

"What do you mean, 'sort of?'" McGonagall said sharply.

"Well, after Lily first told me of this dilemma, I thought I'd inspect it. So, I went during the day and found nothing and then at night, I heard the same odd noises too. And, as you know, Lily _is_ one of the best witches at Hogwarts and she's in Gryffindor. She's done a lot of stuff that demonstrate her courage, like telling Sirius he looks like prat when he swishes his hair around. Wow. Not even I have that type of bravery. So, that got me thinking – If Lily is scared of these loud, obnoxious noises – then so should I! And as a minor child, I feel like you should interfere as the brave adult to calm our fears." James said, while McGonagall was giving him the diritiest looks of all time.

"Please Professor McGonagall? It'd really make me feel better knowing it's not some little monster hiding behind the door… like a niffler or something." Lily said sweetly.

Professor McGonagall let out a sigh and looked up at the ceiling in disbelief. "Fine. For tonight, I'll go examine the third floor classrooms. James, you go below and Lily, patrol the upper classrooms."

"Thank you!" Lily said in a relieved way, as she started making her way to the end of the corridor.

"We _really _appreciate it!" James said brightly, as he took off behind Lily.

They both made it around the corner and James quickly tugged out the invisibility cloak, he draped it around himself and Lily. Thankfully, they were able to fit underneath it side by side.

"Walk slowly and carefully." James whispered into Lily's ear. Lily nodded and matched his pace as they made their way towards the third floor classrooms.

It didn't take long for them to reach the floor. And to their delight, McGonagall was heading towards one of the 'noisy' classrooms and they were in perfect sight to see the entire action.

McGonagall was stopped outside of the classroom door and was giving it a very mean, hard glare. Her lips were just a line, and her wand was clutched tightly in her hand. She took a couple of deep breaths as if she was warming herself up, before she opened the door and a look of disgust quickly came on her face.

"Stafford! Anderson! Get OFF of each other!"

James and Lily quietly laughed as Lisa Stafford and Blake Anderson quickly threw themselves off of each other. While they were able to separate themselves fast enough, it my no means help their state.

Lisa had messy hair, her robe was thrown off and her skirt was quite high on her waist. Then, to make matters worse, her blouse was partially undone and there seemed to be nothing underneath. But Blake wasn't much better, his hair was worse then James', his shirt was completely open and his zipper was open. It was pretty much a worse case scenario.

McGonagall was livid. Her wand that was clutched in her hand started to emit sparks while Lisa and Blake scrambled to make themselves more presentable.

"What do you think you do are doing? Out of bed? Exhibiting inappropriate behaviour! For Merlin's sake, at least keep it in the dorm rooms!" McGonagall said coldly as the color from Lisa and Blake started to drain. McGonagall continued to lecture them, with a slight color on her cheeks.

Lily and James were silently laughing. Lily had to bury her face in James' robes to cover her mouth when McGonagall started to yell about.

"… Never would have thought a prefect would do such a thing. Fifty points EACH from Slytherin. And if I ever catch you out of beds again you will be sorry. I will also report this to Professor Slughorn and I would strongly advise you go to the Hospital Wing for some… tips from Poppy." McGonagall ended, shutting her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose. "Just GO!" she shouted out and Lisa and Blake just ran out of the classroom.

Lily and James just stood as they ran, watching McGonagall look around the classroom with utter revulsion on her face. Her cheeks were fairly pink and she shook her head. "Thank goodness I don't teach in here." She muttered before turning around and patrolling the floor.

"We need to go, she might check up." James whispered horsely into Lily's ear. Lily took a quick intake of breath before nodding, and they shuffled quietly towards the corner. After they removed the clock, they each shared a smile.

Then, James leaned in close and whispered in Lily's ear. "We'll discuss this after in the Heads Common Room. I'll sneak back some butterbeers."

Lily just nodded, afraid that she'd let out a giggle if she opened her mouth. So, she quickly departed James with a huge smile on her face. Not realizing that she had a date with James afterwards.

* * *

><p>After bumping into a rather frazzled McGonagall, Lily was reassured that the noises she heard from the classroom was nothing more then, 'Students demonstrating a lack of self control' and that she should not worry about them anymore. Lily nodded again and thanked McGonagall for dealing with the problem before promptly running towards the Heads Common room.<p>

Once Lily stumbled into the portrait hole, she was greeted by a bear hug from James. He laughed joyfully as he swung her around, Lily laughing just as hard. James set Lily down and at once they started talking in snippets and gibbersish.

"Did you see her McGonagall's face?"

"What about Blake's and Lisa?"

"How about how fast they ran?"

"Their look on their face…"

They erupted in laughter again and James placed a hand on Lily's shoulder. "I have to hand it to you, I never thought you would be a prankster. Congratulations. How does it feel to be a trouble maker?"

Lily shot him a smile. "I had no choice. My fellow Head Boy would have done a 'shoddy' job of patrolling." She said, as she plopped onto the couch and grabbed a butter beer.

James just grinned at her, and mimicked her actions. "Do you want to know a little secret?" He asked, and before Lily could respond, he whispered into her ear, "I was never going to do a bad job of patrolling if you didn't humiliate McGonagall."

Lily let out an obvious, audible gasp of surprise. With one hand on her chest, Lily started to rant in a sarcastic tone, "I'm appalled. I thought for sure you'd do an awful job."

"I know. I'm a convincing liar, am I not?" James said, before taking a swing from his butterbeer.

"She's going to hate us, you know?" Lily said in a serious tone, before taking her first sip from her Butterbeer.

"It was worth it. Just the look on her face…"

"Too bad we didn't have a camera."

James laughed, "The image of McGonagall's face is one that I'll never forget. I don't need a camera to remind me of that."

"Oh, but her speech! I can't believe she sent them to the hospital wing!"

"Well, knowing contraceptive charms might be important for them… and if they're done improperly because of their, 'lack of self control'… "

Lily just snorted, her butterbeer spitting out and James just howled with laugher as Lily attempted to clean herself up.

"You can help…" Lily said as she set her butterbeer down.

"No, no, I think I'll watch you make a fool of yourself." James said smirking, while taking another sip out of his butterbeer.

Staring daggers at him, Lily messily wiped her robe sleeve over her mouth before splashing her butterbeer into James' face. James, surprised, threw some of his own butterbeer onto Lily.

"I wouldn't fight with me Lily, I've got skills that you've never seen before." James said arrogantly as he grabbed an extra bottle of butterbeer from the table.

"You're on!" Lily shouted, as she flourished her wand to cause both of James' bottles to explode.

At once, they started to have a duel with a bit of a butterbeer fight. At the end, they each called truce when Lily was sopping wet with butterbeer, giggling madly from a charm from James. While James was just as wet, and had a hard time standing on his feet.

"Finite" They both muttered and Lily quickly cast a cleaning charm on both of them. James heavily inspected his clothes afterwards.

"You're also so good at the charms, I don't think any house elf could do a better job…" James said, as he smoothed down his shirt.

"Thanks. I guess?" Lily said, as she moved closer to the portrait door, James fast at her heels.

"You realize that this is the first time we're actually walking back to the Gryffindor Common Rooms together?" James asked quickly as he tugged on the portrait's door.

Lily threw him a quizzical glance. "No, no, there had to be other times…."

"Nah, usually one of us stays behind to finish forms or homework. Or, we're so angry and mad at each other that we refuse to leave together…" James trailed off, walking backwards so he could face Lily.

"Huh. That's odd…" Lily said, looking at James as he swung his arms awkwardly while he walked backwards.

"But it is different. And exciting." James added joyfully.

Lily nodded along and continued the short walk with James up to the Gryffindor Common Room. Throughout the stroll they laughed, talked, and exchanged good nights as they each parted to their own dorm rooms.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Love it? Hate it? Review it!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Name: **Reckless Abandonment **  
>Author: <strong>Nesma  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>Obviously not mine.**  
><strong>**A/N: **Chapter 6 is shorter but still good. If you like it, leave a review. Also, check out my profile for a link to my Tumblr page. Otherwise, enjoy.

* * *

><p>"Have you seen the headlines?" Marlene asked fearfully, as she shoved the Daily Prophet into Lily's face.<p>

Lily quickly scanned through the article once, and then reread it again as the shock and anger boiled in the pit of her stomach.

"_**MARCUS ABDUNEUR DECLARED INNOCENT!"**_

_Marcus Abduneur, a forty-five year old Wizard who has been accused of utilizing Unforgivable Curses on Muggles and Magical Citizens and bribery has been declared innocent this early morning. _

_Many wizards and witches have testified against him. While countless have testified, no empirical evidence has come to light to prove Abduneur's guilt. Though many believe he's a Death Eater (follower of You-Know-Who), there appears to be no markings on his arm and he has been examined several times by the Healers at St. Mungo's Hospital. Further inspection on his home revealed no traces of dark magic. His co-workers and neighbors have all praised him to be a wonderful person, "It's just difficult to imagine a man so kind as him to be accused of such dirty, awful tales!" claims his neighbor who wished not to be named.  
><em>

_While the Wizengamont released this information early in the morning in hopes of preventing outrage in the Wizarding Community, they have grossly underestimated the organization within the wizarding community. Several Wizards and Witches have procured petitions against the innocence of Abduneur, but suspiciously, many who sign the petition seem to disappear. While the Ministry of Magic is doing investigation, they do not believe there is a connection.  
><em>

_The lawyers of Marcus Abduneur released a statement to the Daily Prophet declaring that Marcus Abduneur is thankful that the Wizengamont has realized his innocence and would appreciate it if the public respects his family's privacy during this difficult time. Abdunneur was not able to be reached for additional comment. _

Lily's hands were shaking with fury as she looked around at her friends whose heads were bent low. "He got _away_" Lily said incredulously.

"What do you expect? He has loads of galleons, he's able to get top notch attorneys and it probably helped that he donated a huge sum of his money to that 'Protect the Muggles Organization.' It's on page 20B, there is a small comment from the PTM giving their thanks to Abdunneur…" Marlene trailed off miserably, as she took a gulp from her pumpkin juice.

"You're kidding!" Lily said, flipping through the pages before she found the small, minuscule article on the PTM. "This... it's just…"

"Sick." James said in a monotone, as he took a seat next to Lily. "We do need to talk about this though…" James said briskly to Lily.

"What's there to talk about? Except that he's a sick, twisted old man who has nothing better to do than to obsess over the 'quality' of blood…" Lily said venomously.

"I'm guessing everyone else at Hogwarts has the same idea. We need to pull Jacob from patrols for a little while. Which means, we have to alert the changes to the teachers at once or have a mini discussion with the professors." James finished quickly as Lily balled her hands in fury. Absolutely hating the fact that James was right in this moment.

"Ugh. You're right. We have twenty minutes before we have to get to class. If we hurry, we can easily change the schedule and send the copy out to the professors. And if we need to fine tune or if Professor Slughorn wants additional precautions then that can be easily ironed out in the afternoon." Lily said, as she jumped to her feet, and grabbed a piece of toast.

"Alright, let's go." James said, grabbing a couple of muffins and following Lily towards the entrance.

"Wait. Lily." James said quietly, grabbing Lily's arm and pulling her away from the doors.

"What? James-"

"Look at the Hufflepuff table…"

Lily's eyes scanned the sea of yellow at the Hufflepuff table and quickly found Abigail.

Though Abigail seemed to handle the loss pretty well, a light seemed to have gone out from her. She was cautious when helping the first years, as if she was worried they would hurt her. Her mood tend to swing but she was still a nice enough girl to be with. Yet, more then once had Jacob taunted her, even gloated in her face that it was his father that killed her parents, and his father that brutally tortured her younger sibling. Though Abigail resisted temptation of hexing the living daylights out of Jacob, she once told Lily it was because she _knew_ justice would be served.

Now, with the trial done and no hope of an appeal, Lily wasn't so sure that Abigail could continue resisting temptation.

"Listen, you go up to the common room and I'll stay near by – the professors are here she won't do anything, but I'll stay here. Just in case." Lily said quietly into James' ear. He simply nodded and darted out of the area.

Lily stood where she was, she leaned against the pillars and let her right hand clutch her wand that was hidden within her robes while she focused on Abigail. Abigail was surrounded by her friends, she was getting occasional pats on the back or a friendly shoulder squeeze but Abigail seemed completely oblivious to those around her.

Lily's stomach twisted in guilt. She couldn't even began to imagine what Abigail was going through. Abigail and Lily had held enough conversations where they were more than acquaintances but less with friends because of the tutoring service that Hogwarts offered.

Abigail had shown her photos of her younger brother, with his brown hair and dimples he was one of the cuter toddlers Lily had seen. While before Abigail would incorporate a yellow ribbon or a brightly colored accessory to her uniform, all Abigail wore now was black. Abigail was hopeful, always positive always cheerful, and now it looked like she wasn't any of those things anymore.

Lily looked around the halls at the other victims of Abdunneur's. There was Nancy Steward, a third year in Ravenclaw whose muggle parents were driven into insanity by the crucio curse. Jason Young, a sixth year in Gryffindor whose older sister was raped, tortured, and murdered only a few streets away from the Ministry. There were more hopeless faces, more dishearten looks that were due to Abdunneur's actions in this room. Then lastly, Lily's gaze fell on Jacob.

Lily felt her face burn and her grip on her wand became tight. Jacob showed no sign of remorse, instead, he was laughing along with his buddies. He made pointed looks at his father's victims and then he made fun of them. His laughter was ringing loudly in Lily's ear while the depressed looks of Abigail, Nancy, Jason, and so many others filled her vision.

Alerted though, she watched as Jacob pushed himself off the Slytherin table and made his way to the door. Lily's eyes narrowed as he took the long path towards the door, which involved passing the Hufflepuff table. Lily immediately made a bee line towards the table and was thankful to see that Abigail's boyfriend, Victor, was engaging her into some conversation while Jacob slowly made his way down the table.

Lily quickly caught up to Jacob, "James and I need a word with you out in the corridors." Lily said quietly while Jacob had this smirk on his face and his nose high in the air. Jacob looked behind him to find his friends laughing and pointing at Lily, "Sorry about that, my friends, they're quite happy today." Jacob said to Lily smoothly, flashing her a smile.

Lily just gave a curt nod, afraid that if she opened her mouth or did any other movement, then she might hex or punch Jacob. Here Jacob was, smirking, laughing, and smiling almost proud that his father got away. To make things worse, Jacob was obviously showing off his father's 'innocence'.

"Of course." Jacob said, beaming brightly as he followed Lily's quick strides.

It would have been too easy, too perfect if Lily and Jacob made it to the corridors quickly. Instead, Jacob's bag accidently hit Abigail's back, causing her to spill her pumpkin juice down her front.

Jacob sneered at her, while his friends commented on Abigail's savagery. Victor tried talking to her, soothing her, she completely ignored him and jumped off her seat and went after Jacob.

"ABIGAIL! NO!" Victor yelled as he grabbed a hold of Abigail's arms, while her friends quickly rushed around her. Jacob, merely turned around and gave Abigail a look that conveyed his 'superiority' over her.

"Let me GO!" Abigail wailed, as she tugged on her arms.

"You see, this is why father feels like muggle borns should be exempt from this school, they exhibit such… violence." Jacob said arrogantly, looking at his friends for their support. "It really endangers the real witches and wizards." One of Jacob's friend remarked loudly, before throwing Lily a dirty look.

Lily's took a deep breath in, as her lips went into a grimace as Professor Sprouts quickly rushed over to Abigail who was putting up a decent fight. She was causing a commotion, her sobs were heard and every so often the name of her brother slipped her lips.

While every other table in the Great Hall, except for Slytherin, were politely turning away or sneaking glances, the Slytherin's table was roaring with laughter. With pointed fingers and mocking looks, they were being absolutely cruel to Abigail.

"Come on Jacob, let's get out of here…" Lily said, taking a few steps before realizing that Jacob wasn't trailing her. Instead, to Lily's horror, he and his friends were doubled in laughter, openly mocking Abigail's grief and agitating her even more.

"Jacob, that was an order." Lily hissed, and Jacob looked up at her. A new look was in his eyes, bravery, arrogance, and joy were clearly there. "Why should I follow some _mudblood_ like you?" He said, as his friends just howled. Though, their laughter died in their throats the second their eyes landed on a livid looking Professor Slughorn who had joined Professor Sprouts.

"This is disgusting! Let's go Jacob! Fifty points from Slytherin, I would have never expected such behaviors from you!" Professor Slughorn said horridly, as he pushed Jacob to the door.

Lily bitterly turned to Professor Slughorn, as he viciously scolded Jacob while Jacob's friends just lingered behind before following the pair out of the hall. Lily quickly turned her attention back to Abigail who was fully crying, and sobbing on the floor. Victor was patting her back slowly while Professor Sprout was a bit ways talking with Professor McGonagall, who each glanced over to Abigail.

All of a sudden, Lily felt a hand land on her shoulder. She jumped and almost shoved off the hand before she realized it was James.

"I'm guessing he didn't leave quietly?" He whispered into her ear.

Lily shook her head, she was biting her lip while she stood memorized by the sight of Abigail's.

"I hate him. He fucking had to do something to her, he just 'bumped' his bag into her back-"

"An accident, right? I overheard him and Slughorn talking." James muttered while clutching Lily's shoulder.

"He called her a savage, and let his friends make fun of her. I don't care that he called me a mudblood-"

"He did _what?_" James seethed, as he painfully gripped Lily's shoulder.

"But look at her… her brother and parents gone. She did nothing to him, absolutely nothing." Lily hissed, quickly pushing James off as she marched towards the door. James was quickly at her side.

"Well, I just talked to Dumbledore – we have to go into an emergency prefect's meeting. Everyone will be missing first class today. They will be excused but we have to lecture them about these things. Dumbledore things this is going to happen many more times." James bitterly snapped while Lily just groaned.

"Have they been alerted?" Lily asked, as she took the stairs two at a time, not bothering to look where James was.

"Yeah. Heads of houses are rallying them up and bringing them to the Head's Common Room. We're also going to have all the heads of houses there to supervise." James said.

"Right. Whatever. So we're going to be telling them what, exactly?" Lily asked at the top of the stairs as she came to halt. When she didn't hear an answer, she turned around to see James a couple steps below her, he was staring straight up at her.

"I… have no idea." James said slowly, bending his head down. "I'm assuming we're telling them about the change of rounds-"

"So that filth doesn't get hurt-" Lily said hotly, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"And lecturing them of appropriate behaviors when a 'tragedy' or a 'scandalous' news piece is released-" James continued, ignoring Lily's comment.

"As if the Slytherins will listen-"

"Will you stop it?!" James snapped, his eyes hard on hers. "I get it. You're pissed. But we have to deal with this fucking mess, and if you're going to be too emotional to help me-"

"Relax. I'm fine – don't worry, I'll just suppress my 'mudblood ways'-" Lily started, rolling her eyes as she made her way to continue walking, only to have her path blocked by James.

"Don't CALL yourself that!" James angrily said, as he took a few more steps and was only inches from Lily's face. "The sarcasm, the anger, whatever it is it has to stop. We cannot go into the meeting angry or the Slytherins are just going to be vicious, they already will be but we don't need to make matters worse." James said, his nose scrunched up as Lily took a deep breath.

"Okay. I'll stop." Lily said quietly, taking a careful step backwards as she crossed her arms. An awkward silence filled the air as James looked over the railing while Lily turned her eyes up to the ceiling.

"I suppose they're waiting for us?" Lily asked timidly.

"Yeah. They are. We should go in." James said, as he walked up the stairs and passed Lily.

* * *

><p>"Wow. That sounds intense, I thought the prefects were only suppose to miss the first morning class? Not the entire morning!" Marlene said as she served some rice onto Lily's plate.<p>

Lily was resting her head on her arms. "Yeah. That's what James and I thought but the Head of Houses went on and on, and every time a Slytherin would interrupt it would take five minutes to get everyone to shut up." Lily muttered, as she lifted herself off the table in time to get her plate full of food.

"Well. Do you think it helped?" Emmeline said, as she scooped up rice into her mouth.

Lily shrugged her shoulders. "I think it helped those who actually cared, because we did go over how to handle another Abigail situation. And that was helpful, because all of the Hufflepuff prefects were at a loss of what to do and there was a ton of questions of 'what is acceptable' and what not." Lily said, as she salted her potatoes.

"Wow. I just… it's hard to imagine Abigail acting out like that-" Marlene started.

"Completely out of her character." Emmeline said, waving her fork. "But that poor girl, I guess what happened to her… there isn't exactly a 'normal' way of dealing with these things are there?" She asked, placing her fork next to her plate.

"Well, the professors are hiring some more healers – healers for the mind though, to help counsel the students who have suffered losses like Abigail, that way, the whole student body won't have to witness their breakdowns." Lily said, as she played with the food on her plate.

"You think there are going to be more?" Alice said in a shocked tone.

"The professors gave some really horrible statistics, there are some predictions that by the end of the year, more than half of the student body will have experienced a loss of a friend or family member." Lily said quietly, as her friends around her dropped their forks and spoons noisily on the table.

* * *

><p>The week had been long, after the whole Abigail breakdown and Jacob's 'disgusting behavior' (though Lily had a few more adjectives to describe Jacob) the days just seemed to stretch. Everyone was restless, and it seemed that even the teachers were excited about the weekend. Whether it was because of the illusion of a break or because of –<p>

"It's the _first _Quidditch match of the season! Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw and you're _claiming_ that you have too much homework?!" Emmeline screeched incredulously at Lily in the girl's dorm rooms as Lily rolled her eyes.

"Well! I do… that transfiguration essay is going to take me forever! There is no way that I'm going to get it done with all of the stupid Head Girl duty stuff I'm supposed to do!" Lily said, while taking a few notes on her parchment. Lily was sitting cross legged and leaning against her trunk, she ventured a look over to Emmeline's bed where she was lying on her stomach, gaping to where Lily was sitting.

"Lily. Let me get this through your head, and hopefully, for the last time. We are ALL screwed for this Transfiguration class! There is nothing that can be done, it's like fate has casted McGonagall to personally make our lives miserable by transfiguring worthless objects and humans and whatever else we are asked to do. No matter what, we are doomed. So there is no point of wasting energy on doom? You might as well go enjoy life. Which means going to the Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw match!" Emmeline yelled out, just as Alice walked through the doors.

"Lily not wanting to go to the game or something?" Alice asked, as she flung her robe on her own bed.

"Yes! Something is deranged in that girl! She wants to spend her time on that basted Transfiguration essay!" Emmeline said while making wild hand gestures towards Lily, while Lily just covered her mouth and started to giggle.

"Oh. But we're all doomed for that class anyways." Alice said, taking a seat next to Emmeline who just gave a pointed look at Lily while waving her hands at Alice. "You see! She sees the reason!"

"Plus, I'm sure McGonagall will be furious if you don't show up to support Gryffindor. Isn't she a crazy Quidditch fan?" Alice asked, looking between the two girls.

"Yeah! Exactly! She'll probably fail your essay if you don't come out! Who'd a figure too! I mean, Professor McGonagall, I'd have pegged her more as a cat lady then a sports fan to be honest…" Emmeline trailed off as the girls just erupted into giggles.

"Don't worry. I'm coming out. I just… ugh, I get caught up in this homework sometimes and just really, really worried that I'm not going to finish it." Lily said in a dishearten tone, as she threw her parchment and quill into her overflowing, messy trunk.

"You. Not finish an essay? Impossible. Plus! You have James as a friend, he could help you out!" Emmeline said, as she fell back on her bed.

"Yeah, but I'd feel so guilty he's already got a lot on his mind… plus his Head Boy duties and Captain of the Quidditch team. Me asking him for help would just make matters worse."

"Lily. You guys spent an hour 'talking' after we left weeks ago. You guys actually hang out willingly, remember before when you use to _scream _bloody murder if you were asked to even go _near _him?"

"Oh come off it Emmeline, I was never that bad!" Lily said quickly, before adding quietly, "Was I?"

Alice and Emmeline exchanged glances before nodding. "It was… bad. I mean, you had your reasons – he was acting like a jerk half of the time and an arrogant toe-rag, but a lot of the times it felt like you blew things out of proportion." Alice said, while wringing her hands together and refusing to meet Lily's gaze.

"Well. I've gotten better. So no big deal. It's water under the bridge." Lily said, focusing her gaze on the wood finishing on the walls.

"So… was it really just, 'talking'? Hey! Ow!" Emmeline blurted out quickly, Alice had given Emmeline a backhand slap which snapped Lily out of her stance.

"What?! Yes. Of course. I have a boyfriend, who I love…" Lily gushed, but the words sounded foreign and completely odd in her mouth.

"But…" Emmeline started, lifting her eyebrows in a suggested manner.

"What?! But, what?" Lily asked aggressively.

Emmeline had pulled herself up and staring down at Lily. "It just seems like you're not excited about the relationship anymore with Steven."

"I live _how many _miles away from him?!"

"Still! It just doesn't sound like you're into it and you're spending a lot of time with James-" Emmeline argued as Lily felt something in her snap.

"Because I have to! Merlin! He's HEAD Boy, I'm forced to work with him weather I like it or not! It's not my fault that Steven isn't around, or that he isn't a wizard or else I WOULD be spending my time with him and dragging him around the castle at night…" Lily's voice was growing louder with each word, her angry was obvious.

"Okay! Okay! I get it! I'm sorry! It wasn't my place to judge!" Emmeline said quickly, throwing her hands up as if in surrender. It was only a question." Emmline said quietly while Alice just looked down on her lap.

Lily stared at them before leaping to her feet. "I need to go to the owlery. I've been meaning to send this letter." Lily said briskly, tugging her bag up to her shoulder before stomping out of the room.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Lily, <em>

_The autumn leaves here remind me of you so much. I see red everywhere, and then, I automatically think of you. My thoughts are always on you. It also means that winter is closer! And then you'll be home soon and we can spend all our time together. _

_School is quite a bore. Chemistry is just… frustrating. I know how to do the stuff and I know how to get the right answers but just because I don't do it my teacher's way then it means I'm completely wrong. So stupid. The only bright side is that dad has been showing me around the bank more often. I kind of like it. Maybe it's a future job possibility?_

_But how's your week? Your mum told me that you had some trouble earlier? Hopefully it wasn't academic related! But you know you can always write to me about it? I know you told me that boarding school has its own odd drama that is difficult to explain but I'm a sharp guy, I'll get it if you take the time to explain._

_I miss you terribly. I love you. _

_Love,_  
><em>Steven<em>

Lily was curled up in a ball on her favorite arm chair in the Heads Common room. Her feet were tucked neatly underneath her and the fire was crackling as she bit her lower lip.

As much as she _hated_ the relationship with Steven, as much as she dreaded seeing him and talking to him there was still that tug, that hold on her heart that refused to let him go.

She could easily break his heart, with one letter she could smash it into a thousand little pieces.

With a heavy sigh, Lily picked up her own parchment and wrote a letter back.

_Dear Steven, _

_I'm sorry it took me so long to reply. School has been hectic and it seems like my mom told you about the 'troubles' up at here. It's not academic trouble as much as some student was being really rude and obnoxious which rubbed off the wrong way with one of the girls here. It was a nightmare, I had to go to this lecture which just told me how to handle 'difficult' situations. It was… dumb. _

_But it's over and it's the weekend. Which means I can finally relax. Our school is having its first football match over the weekend. It's not a big rivalry, but I'm still going to go out to see it. Besides, our school has an amazing football team so it's always fun to watch them. _

_Good for you! I'm sorry that your chemistry class is giving you so much trouble. If I still had my notes I would give them to you, but alas, my friends and I had a note burning party last year – I didn't care for Chemistry. But a job at the bank… wow, that would be really cool. I can't wait to hear more about – only a few more months and we'll be reunited! Yay! _

_Anyway, I hope this letter finds you well. I miss you._

_Love,_  
><em>Lily<em>

Rereading through the letter, Lily quickly sealed it away. Lily stared wistfully in the fire, and she suddenly had a vision, or this dream like state where she could see herself just chucking the letter in the fire. However, the dream or vision didn't end there. This other Lily, this angrier Lily just kept throwing all these letters, the letters she wrote and Steven wrote all in the fire. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes had this mad look. And just as suddenly as it came, the vision or dream left.

Instead of giving into temptations, second nature, or whatever it was. Lily just stood up and made her way to the portrait hole, ready to send another love letter to Steven.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Love it? Hate it? Review it!**


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